


A Chain

by Kreativekilljoy



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Cute, Excessive Swearing, Fluff and Smut, I am going down with this ship, Internalized Homophobia, Izaya needs to be loved, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, My First Fanfic, Precious cinnamon rolls, Romance, Shy Shizuo, Slow Build, Yaoi, even if im cringing at this fic, flashbacks to rajin days, i am erica, i guess, kinda has a plot, light read, mentions of depression, poorly written smut, sorry i tried, treat this kindly, typical shizuo and Izaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 48,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8462680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kreativekilljoy/pseuds/Kreativekilljoy
Summary: A chain to connect them together





	1. A Link

My feet stomped up the stairs, each footfall landing heavier than the prior. It was as if my anger had developed from an ugly emotion to a physical property that controlled my being. I inhaled in a slow breath. Keep yourself in check Shizuo. My movements were short and snappy as I tugged at my hair in agitation. I completed my ascent up the stairs. I had a meeting with a lowlife that ignited a type of unhealthy fury within me. Just the simple thought of him had the potential to set ablaze that anger. That scum had a name. Orihara Izaya. Or what I commonly like to refer to him as, the flea.

I was face to face with the door of the residence of the said flea. My knuckles clenched and I loudly banged on the door. I heard the hinges creak with the pressure of my sloppy knocks. No response. Impatient, I twisted the doorknob and to my surprise it sprang open. Shouldn't that shady bastard have an awareness about security? I'm sure he had a list of enemies who would relish at his pain. My name being on top of that list of course, in block capitals, bold and underlined many times.

I stepped inside and my voice rang out through the apartment, seeking the flee.  
"Izaaaaayyyyaaaaaaa!"   
No, you definitely couldn't detect the malice that saturated my tone of voice for that idiot. I took a left turn, walking into his office room. I was vaguely aware of the layout of the apartment due to my numerous attempts at killing Izaya.

I peered inside and there was the man himself. He was seated behind his desk, with his eyes trained on the computer screen, no doubt humouring himself at the expense of his beloved humans' distress. The nonchalant behaviour was broken by the small pocket knife that was currently in the man's right hand. He lifted his dark set eyes to lock with mine. That link alone was enough to have my blood boil.

"To what do I owe the pleasure Shizu chan?" That irritating signature smirk appeared, lighting up the flea's pale features.   
I paused. I had to admit, I was confused as to how to proceed. Instincts told me to wrap my hands around Izaya's slim neck and choke him until them knowing eyes become lifeless. However, I had come for a different purpose today. It wasn't for the usual 'I want to kill Izaya.' No, this was an important reason and I had to set my anger aside for a simple five minutes, even if my vision had already become tainted with a red hue.

"I want information, flea," I demanded, suppressing my rage.

Izaya tilted his head to one side, "And you're asking me for information? There are plenty of other information brokers in town. I'm flattered," his expression was taunting.

I grabbed the back of the chair opposite Izaya, roughly dragging it out and seating myself.

"But you're the only damn bastard I know that's mixed up in suspicious underground activity and I want information from every source available," I grumbled, I was wringing my hands, impatient and maybe my pride was hurting a little because I was asking information from the flea.

Izaya played with the knife in his hands and once again made eye contact with me, he knew that cocky expression always riled me up and he didn't miss a chance to provoke me.

"I'm curious Shizu chan, do elaborate," he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"My brother, you know him, Kasuka. He was attacked today and is in hospital. A note was left at the site threatening me, I know it was done to get to me. I want information and I want it at all costs. So that I can kill the shits," I growled. I had left Dotachin and his gang to guard Kasuka while I came to visit Izaya. I was furious, no one lay a hand on my little brother. How dare they? It made me feel helpless to see him just laying there on the hospital bed. It was my fault. He was never meant to become mixed up in my affairs. My brother was honestly my lifeline. He still treated me human even though I was far from it and I loved him.

"And you want me to investigate? When I do find these people Shizu chan, you're definitely going to be jailed for murder."

"I don't care, I was going to be jailed for your murder anyway." I shrugged. It was getting easier to look at Izaya, I suppose it was because most of my anger was focused on the people who hurt my precious brother.

Izaya stretched, splaying his long legs on his desk lazily. A vein in my forehead twitched at having his shoe in close proximity.

"Who says I'll take on the job?" He drawled.

I took out a wad of money from my pocket and chucked it at the flea.

"You will and I will leave you no option but to do the job," I snapped. I found it unbelievable that I was temporarily employing Izaya but my brother was priority.

Izaya raised both hands in mock surrender, "Anything for you Shizu chan."

Izaya and I were never meant to mix. We were on the different end of the spectrum, always separated and this link that put our names together was definitely a bad omen.


	2. A Call

I took a long drag of the cigarette in my hand, a short burst of relief from all the stress washed over me as I breathed in death. Presently, Celty had taken on the task of watching over Kasuka in the hospital as I still had a job. Even in the midst of chaos and disarray, daily mundane affairs still have to continue and if I was pumping money to the flea for his investigation, I had to do my job. I did like my job, being a bodyguard to my former senior Tom san from highschool, who was a debts collector. He ran into all sorts of violence and that's where I stepped in. At least my strength could come into use for this. It wasn't unbelievable how low people would stoop for the sake of money, especially in a dark urban centre like Ikebukuro. I guess greed and aggression were products of money.

Currently, I was in a casino. The stench of alcohol and tobacco polluted the room and the constant noises coming from the machines could be heard. Several men were littered across the room, obvious wasters with nothing better to do but to gamble their life away, though the pool table did catch my eye. Maybe Tom san and I could have a game after the job was completed.

I leaned against the wall as Tom conversed with the man for his owed money. The man in question was jamming buttons on a machine, engaged in a game and completely disregarding Tom san. Another idiot who refused to pay huh? I crushed the cigarette in my hand and threw it in a nearby bin. I approached the man myself.

"Hey are you going to pay up?" I inquired.

The short, ignorant man yawned, "I have no intention of doing so, therefore, scram."

I gave him an almost friendly smile and lifted him up with one hand, "Could you repeat that?"

The man's face started flushing red and fear was etched upon his features, "I..I no-I mean here are my account details...bartender's outfit, Heiwajima Shi-Shizuo," he stuttered.

I let go and he fell with a heavy 'thud' sound. I stood on standby as Tom san took down his details and we exited the casino together.

"Another days work eh. How's your brother doing Shizuo?" Tom questioned.

Before I could respond, the sound of my phone pierced through.

"Hold on," I said as I fumbled to take my phone out of my pocket.

'Unknown caller ID' was displayed on the screen as I picked up the call.

"Hello?"

"Shizu chan? It's Izaya."

My mellow mood was spoiled completely by the sound of that smug voice. I had to get a call from that dick didn't I?

"What?" I barked.

"I've got a lead, come visit me at my office," and with that the call disconnected.

He's got a lead already? How long had it been? Twenty one hours really..I had to give it to him, he was decent at his job. Why couldn't he at least give me a hint on the phone, he had to cancel the call so abruptly. I muttered a few curses and I could feel Tom san glancing at me.

"Are you alright Shizuo?"

"Just fine. Is that all for today? It looks like I have somewhere to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll pick up, I promise:) I'll post the next part soon.


	3. A Dilemma

My fingers clenched the steering wheel as the corner of my lip twitched irritably.   
"Are you going to fill me in?" I complained, throwing Izaya a sideways glare. He was splayed out on the passenger seat which added to my anger. God, he pissed me off. I was rushing to his office five minutes ago when he had come out of the building, chucking keys in my face and telling me to jump in. Did he have any regard for his safety? He knew damn well that I couldn't control myself around him. He sat next to me, the picture of ease, I just couldn't ever figure out his intentions, his motives, his emotions.

Izaya ran a hand through his raven hair, adjusting himself to straighten up on the seat.  
"You drive, I'll explain," he suggested.  
I turned the key in the ignition, backing out of the parking spot and maneuvering to turn onto the right road. Oh how I would love to run over the flea that was sitting so peacefully beside me in this van.

"Drive to Kanmon Road, there's an isolated, small garage at the end of the street."  
That's barely a ten minute drive I thought.  
"And what are we looking for there?" I prompted impatiently.   
"A gang. The Silver Lighters. I based my research on The Dollars at the beginning as you're in that group so more than likely the motive and vendetta was there. I unearthed a conflict between The Dollars and Silver Lighters. They're a small, independent gang, favouring intelligence over physical strength although I hear they have a few strong members, however, the underlings at the garage should be weak. Nothing you couldn't handle Shizu chan."

"Are you telling me they hurt my brother?" my voice was a deadly calm. Something was beginning to build up inside me. Rising and clawing out of my throat. I sped up the car. I couldn't settle my frenzied state now that I had a confirmation albeit Izaya was the furthest thing from trustworthy.   
"I'm sure the henchmen are just following measly orders. Their boss is the big mastermind behind it all. I've hacked details on their plan of attack on Shinra and Erica. They're trying to shatter the core,influential members of Dollars. You, Celty and Dotachin. Unfortunately, you were first on the list," Izaya finished, without a hint of sympathy.

"And how do I not know you're not lying? Shouldn't you be watching this unfold and jerking off to their plans to destroy the Dollars?" I asked in a clipped tone. 

"So vulgar Shizu chan but here's the email ordering the issue to hurt kasu chan and as entertaining as this may have been to watch, they are targeting me too," Izaya sighed dramatically.

"So you're just killing two birds with one stone, basically using me." I glanced briefly at the document printing of the email and perhaps I should've looked for more evidence but that was all the conviction I needed. 

"My my Shizu chan looks like you can actually think."

But I wasn't paying attention to the flea's sarcastic remarks anymore, I was livid. I breathed shallowly, trying to focus on the road. Time to prepare to pound a few people and locate this mastermind so I can carve out his skin for myself.   
"Well you can get the fuck out then. I'll handle the rest," I snapped.  
"But I love my humans Shizu chan. In particular you. I would love to observe how this all plays out," he responded. I could hear the smile in his voice without looking at him. My grip on the steering wheel tightened. Love? Please. I didn't press the issue further because I didn't care, he could also still be needed to search for this leader anyway. I had a cold, hard intent on crushing the scum that hurt my brother. They were also aiming to hurt my friends. They better be saying their prayers now.

The van shuddered to a halt, skidding slightly with my reckless driving. I had pulled up outside the garage. I got out not waiting for the flea and slamming the door shut. I approached the garage, disregarding any sane thought in my mind. A dull buzz of adrenaline was flowing through me as I entered the tiny, partially hidden garage. At the back of my mind, I noted Izaya following silently behind me, probably amused. I supposed I could kill him after all this is over too.

I couldn't focus on my surroundings, my eyes instantly landed on the people in the garage. I mentally counted eight people seated around a table, with cards in their hands. The person facing the door, started when he spotted me, choking on his swig of beer. The others became aware of me and the collective fright was evident. I flashed them a threatening smile. That's right, fear me. I usually despised people being scared of me but this time I was going to exploit the role of a monster that I had been dubbed.  
"Take it easy Shizu chan," my ears barely registered Izaya's mocking warning.

Within minutes I had them at my feet, bloodied and worn out. The one I had chosen to question was sobbing pitifully, disgusted, I turned towards the youth beside him who made an almost mute squeak at the intensity of my stare. I was consumed with rage, yes but I was still in control. I somewhat had a grasp of my setting and my thoughts were muffled but I could still hear them.  
"Who and where is your boss?" I demanded.  
The youngster's eyes darted rapidly back and forth between the other members.  
"Don't tell him," a voice spat, one of the older men who had taken a particularly viscous beating. I fixed my gaze on him, then kicked him in the stomach.  
The youth blurted out the location of their leader, after witnessing this act of violence. Now that I looked closely, the boy and man bore a resemblance. Father and son duo huh? A sick sense of satisfaction spread through me. I knew I wasn't myself.

I ran out of the garage and back into the van. The passenger door opened and Izaya got inside. I blinked a few times at him, I had forgotten all about him. Shaking my head I started up the car.   
"You're going to scare away any girls and children, well sane people with that irrational behaviour," Izaya commented. I could kill him right now, I really could.

"I have no taste for hurting women and children," I growled, driving.  
"What happens when your own family is scared of you. When you lose all self restraint in front of them?"   
"I don't need anyone," I dismissed. Maybe I was a little grateful for the conversation, even if it was with the flea and it was a topic that annoyed me. Talking to a person was making me aware again, reality was shaping itself into bright focus again. I could concentrate on driving down the right route.  
"Everyone needs someone," Izaya mused, almost to himself.   
"I have my brother," I said but he wasn't listening. I looked towards the flea and his vision was locked on the rear view mirror.

"Someone must have contacted the higher ups in the garage. We're being tailed." Did I detect alarm in his voice? The Izaya nervous? Who displayed no emotions of discomfort, just a constant state of being amused and superior.

"I'm sure I can take them."

"No you don't understand, these three are a deadly force. Clashing with them is dangerous," he explained.  
"All the better."   
I didn't know what dilemma we had gotten ourselves in but I felt a strong blood lust. They were going to pay the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only remembering how cringe some parts of this story is oops. Their relationship does pick up after chapter 5 so bear with this chapter and the next I guess??? And yeah the characters are OOC I was kinda just trying to portray them as real as possible but it didn't work out to be exact


	4. A Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was built in with violence and it was my automatic function.

The truck following us caught up, purposely grazing the side of our van, tilting us to the right. I stamped my foot on the accelerator, propelling the van forward into the lead. I gritted my teeth, I did not have time to play a wild cat and mouse chase. I was three minutes away from my destination and while I'd like to stop the van and lift up that truck full of nuisances and launch it into the sea, I didn't see the point in engaging with the fuckers until I had to stop the car.

I steered the van through the next bend. Nearly there. However once again the pursuers had caught up, with more energy it rammed into the side of the van.  
"Shit," I cursed, as the van rocked dangerously.   
Izaya's profile was pushed forwards, slamming against the front of the van.  
"Put on your damn seat belt!" I shouted, glancing at him briefly. He groaned, slowly rising back up. Oh well, he deserved it. I diverted my attention back on driving. Those bastards wouldn't leave us alone. I shifted gears, trying to retain our upperhand. The building beside the industrial factory loomed into my view.  Bingo. That was where a soon to be dead man was located. My mouth formed a twisted smile. I could sense Izaya looking at me but I paid him no heed. Will the flea just shove off already? 

My foot slammed on the breaks and the van ceased to a stop. The truck behind us also halted. Ok first deal with these bastards. I stepped out of the van.  Izaya wasn't lying, these three oddly similar in appearance men looked powerful. Tall frames, bulging with muscles but I had never gotten into a fight before and not emerged victorious.  Violence was built into my system and that hard drive had been updated so many times through the past years. All three men squared up at the same time as if they were a novelty act.

"You should stand aside Heiwajima and Orihara!" one of them roared, spittle flying everywhere. Disgusting.

Two of the men launched themselves at me and somehow managed to make me, make me the Heiwajima Shizuo grunt with the exertion of driving them backwards. They were a piece of work. Whatever emotion and physical strength I possessed worked to defeat these two pursuers and I could hardly account about how I got these men in this state because oh it was coming again.   
My vision was blurring and thoughts rotated wildly in my mind. I tried to reach out and grasp reality, to catch it but I was too far gone. I was operating on pure instinct or a raw vengeance really. 

My ears picked up the faint sounds of Izaya fighting the other man but I left the two at it. I had another man to fight with. One that I won't be so gentle with.  One that I won't spare the life of. It was always like this, even in the innocence of childhood I would go through these spurts of violence and each time I knew I looked scary.  Each time I knew I invoked fear. People avoided me,  friends drifted, girlfriends never stayed long but a small hand would put a glass of milk in front of me. I'd look up to meet his fearless, passive expression and he'd address me as a human. That person was my brother and I treasured him. Fuck I'd have drove off a cliff by now if he hadn't existed. But someone had dared threaten that existence. That someone was in the building I was stomping across to now.  I paced the hall, my breathing ragged. The building seemed to to be deserted. There. There was the office.

I kicked the door and it caved in giving me entrance. A thin bespectacled man with wispy hair sat reviewing a file. A pitiful, wimpy person for a leader. He made a noise and his eyes lit up in recognition at the sight of me. His hand fumbled frantically to the drawer at his table, retrieving a gun.  
"S..stay a-away!"   
With two long strides I was in front of him. He awkwardly pulled the trigger looking to be on the verge of a breakdown. A shot rang out, hitting my left shoulder but my body barely registered the impact. I knocked the gun out of his hand and that's all I really remember. My vision was clouding, all I saw was red. I was making a noise, animalistic growls and cursing him as I let this vengeance control my physical actions. 

A soft hand touched my shoulder, which I barely noticed.  
"That's enough Shizu Chan." It was Izaya. My blood boiled at the sound of that fucking voice. I shoved him off of me and continued with my beating.  
He crashed into a cabinet, the sound of him falling sounded painful but I didn't care. Izaya got up and retraced his footsteps back to me. Didn't the idiot get it? After this leader it was him next. He should be fleeing, running the fuck away before I laid my hands on him.  
"Stop it, you're going to kill him," he sounded so calm. I wasn't calm, inside I was a storm and I couldn't control it. I couldn't pump the brakes in my body like the van. Like I said, I was built in with violence and it was my automatic function. 

"You said all you had was your brother. Your brother doesn't want to see you in jail again. You got your revenge."  
He got to me. Stupid flea was the reason I had been framed and sent to jail the last time but that was another story. All his words before had felt like mutterings, falling on blocked ears it was as if I had been underwater and he was trying to communicate with me from land but one word forced into my thoughts.  Brother. My vision was clearing, I looked to Izaya, he was in poor form, I had left him with that one man afterall but even if one eye was blackened it was still piercing and his stare was fixed on me, unwavering. I was a monster how was he looking at me?  Are monsters not afraid of looking at each other?

I slowly looked down at the man between my hands now that I was back to my senses. At his mangled bloody form and felt a bit sick.  What was I doing?  Kasuka would be so mad. It was ironic but I detested violence and yet I reverted back to violence every fucking time. I tried to steady my breathing as self hatred washed over me. 

The man was gasping for breath, sucking on air greedily and choking on his own blood. At least he wasn't dead? I didn't really know what to do now that I was myself.   
"Don't punish any of your members that gave away your position or you'll anger me," I said, my voice hoarse, remembering the father and son I had terrorised.   
The beaten up leader tried to nod but only grimaced in pain. I could only gaze down at this destruction confused. I was at a loss now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love writing Shuzuo's anger, it's so turbulent and crazy and I love expressing ittt  
> Izaya has a valid reason for helping, it'll be in the next chapter


	5. A Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Monstrous," came the reply, making my heart sink.

I was bewildered now, I let the man go. I remembered all the times I would snap back to my senses in my childhood, only to be surrounded by destruction and feeling a deep rooted terror within.  
Suddenly Izaya was in front of me, when had he gotten there? He lifted his hand and gently let it cover my shoulder. I looked at his hand and soon it became coloured crimson red from blood.

"You've been shot," he stated matter of factly. 

"I'm okay," I said quietly. Now that he was close, I could examine his face. I stared, a little dazed. He was sporting a black eye and split lip, maybe a few bruises here and there. My breathing was still heavy and it caused a few strands of his now messy hair to dance. I didn't feel any motivation to hurt the flea, usually it was an instant reaction but now I just felt a bone heavy exhaustion, something that couldn't be cured with sleep.

"We have to stem the flow, then we can drive to Shinra's to let him get a look at us." Izaya bustled about. I was grateful to let someone take charge because I had no idea how to proceed.  
Oh god why was my enemy helping me? Was Izaya feeling kind today? Yeah and I didn't have anger issues, the notion of aid from Izaya was something that should be viewed with suspicion. 

"You're ogling at me as if I'm you're saviour, which I kind of am," Izaya teased smugly, tearing the arm of my shirt off. My face flushed, and my eyes snapped away from his face, more alert. I guess I had gotten lost in my thoughts.  
"Hardly. It's fine flea it barely hurts let's just go," I grumbled. Izaya pressed a cloth to my wound then tied it in place with the ripped arm of my shirt. Kasuka had gotten me these clothes and now they were destroyed to my dismay.

We slowly left the building, me following Izaya like a confused child and got back into the van. Shinra's house wasn't too far from here.  
The car journey just seemed awkward. I had no anger at the moment for the guy that had been the core of my rage for years and that guy had seen me in that state. Sure he had been witness to my anger a few too many times but he hadn't seen that, what would you even call it? My rage mode? I felt a little exposed. The gunshot injury was starting to throb dully, I'm surprised the bullet even managed to penetrate my skin. 

I cast Izaya a sidewards glance. "Are you okay?" Did I just ask him that? Gross but I was too drained to muster any more emotions.

Izaya shot me an incredulous look which manifested to a smirk. "No need to worry about me Shizu chan."

"I'm not but I bet you regret tagging along. I hope that's a lesson that stops you from constantly sticking your nose into other people's affairs." I relaxed a little into my seat, steering the van into the familiar lane towards Shinra's place.  
"No I don't. That was beyond entertaining. Fascinating even." his eyes were glinting, brought into focus by the darkness always under his eyes. I swore he wore smudged eyeliner.   
I gave him a funny look. What a fucking weirdo. Though I supposed he just enjoyed laughing at my expense. 

"Shinra's gonna be shocked at us rolling in all knocked up," I commented, parking the van.  
A laugh echoed through the van which caused me to be surprised. A genuine Izaya laugh what?   
"He's gonna think we had another scuffle with each other." 

And that's exactly what Shinra assumed. He gave us a startled look as we stood at his doorstep.  
"Did you both fight again?" he questioned, fixing us with an unimpressed glare.  
"The explanation can wait. Shizu chan's been shot Shinra. Treat him," Izaya requested barging in. 

 

Shinra cast me a worried and puzzled look, ushering me inside and no matter how many times I assured him that I was fine, he fussed over me. I settled onto Shinra's couch and knocked knees with Izaya who had also decided to sit down at the exact same time. I shot him a dirty look, pushing his skinny thigh away from mine. Shinra got out his medical tools, making me remove my shirt and studied my wound. I flinched a little at his handling but the pain wasn't bad. Izaya watched us lazily, poker face intact and supporting an ice pack to his swollen lip and eye. 

"What on earth happened to you two?" Shinra demanded, bandaging up my shoulder. I launched into an explanation as best as I could with Izaya obnoxiously adding in his comments.

"Why are you so headstrong?" Shinra sighed. 

I shrugged but tried to reassure him with a sheepish smile.

"Well it seems that you two have resolved the issue. I can't believe they think I'm my Celty's weakness! I'm her strength, I give her the will to-"

"Yes Shinra we get it," Izaya drawled and for once I didn't want to murder the flea for a comment. I'd be here all night if Shinra got started on Celty.

"Anyway you both can stay the night. I'll get a blanket and sleeping bag. Someone take the couch, the other can sleep on the floor," Shinra offered, looking unfazed about being interrupted.

"Nah Shinra it's okay, I'll be on my way," I said. 

Shinra gave me a reprimanding look. "It's 12 am and I need to look at your injuries in the morning. I want to see how you heal from this bullet wound. So stay," he commanded, backing out of the sitting room, with a look of glee that was honestly scary. Shinra was too damn fascinated by the workings of my alien body. I guess I had no choice, I didn't want to face the wrath of a doctor plus exhaustion was starting to seep into my muscles and body. 

"Bagsee the couch," said Izaya abruptly, a childish lopsided smile dominated his features. I turned to him, startled that he was staying the night. 

"No fucking way," I snapped, spreading myself across the couch, claiming it as my own.

"Well I'm not moving so if you want to stay with me feel free," Izaya concluded. God this stupid flea never failed to drive me up the wall. If Shinra weren't a doctor, I'd honestly be questioning his intelligence on pairing the flea and I together for the night. Did he honestly think I could keep my hands to myself?

"I could easily remove you from the couch," I replied, aggravated. My eyes focused on the picture of Celty and Shinra on the glass coffee table, I really didn't want to look at him.

"Violence towards an injured person? Now that's low Shizu chan." Swindling bastard.

I noticed Shinra stood in the doorway, watching our exchange with an incredulous expression.

"You two being mildly civil to each other is freaking me out. Drop the creepy act. Have you both even been in the same area for so long without killing each other?" He questioned dropping the blankets onto the floor. I was asking myself that exact question now.

"We're getting on," Izaya said, crossing his legs and voice dripping with sarcasm. 

"Come to think of it I think the only other time was sports day back in high school. You two always switched out of any classes you had together but sports day was a whole school affair. Both of you clashed, causing a ruckus and that race was an impressive event," Shinra mused nostalgically. 

My mind strained to recall the event. Oh yes, I was having a particularly bad day. A breakup with a girl topped with a fight back home. But all those problems had been pushed aside when I focused on competing with the flea. I came first in the race of course, with the flea fortunately coming to a close second and we had both left our classmates far behind. Exhilaration had coursed through me and my problems had seemed much smaller in my vision. It was an oddly fond memory. A fond memory with the flea? What the actual fuck? I shook off the thoughts of the memory as I heard Shinra softly call goodnight. 

"That was some race huh I think I had coughed up blood," Izaya commented, tucking a pillow behind him.  
"Cause you sucked," I remarked.  
"Mature, just how I like it," Izaya chuckled. Okay, yeah the comment was childish but maybe Izaya did make me revert back to my teenage mindset whenever we were together. He played huge part in the memories of my teenage experience unfortunately. I spread out my sleeping bag, stretching and hearing my joints pop, I got into the sleeping bag which was evidently too small for me. 

Izaya got up, looming over me for a second and turning off the light switch. We were immersed in darkness. Was I really having some girly fucking sleepover with this bastard? What next? He teaches me his eyeliner techniques and we talk about boys? The thought itself was bizarre. I guess I could permit him one day in Ikebukuro. I lay there for a few minutes consumed by disbelief when dread filled me. I owed him for today didn't I? 

"Iz-" I hesitated, hoping he didn't hear my barely audible calling. 

"Spit it out Shizu chan," His voice rang out through the darkness, the usual taunting undertone present. 

"What did I ..I look like today?" Why was I asking this idiot? Why did I feel vulnerable all of a sudden? Get a fucking grip Shizuo.

"Monstrous," came the reply, making my heart sink.

This was nothing new, why was I moping, I should flop to my side and just let sleep wash over my tired body.

But my mouth opened automatically without paying any heed to my instructions. 

"You helped me out. I suppose I owe you extra money or something..? And why did you help me out? Don't you want to see my downfall? Don't you hate me?" I questioned, feeling an incomprehensible anxiety. 

Next, his voice sounded closer than before, I assumed his head was tilted more towards my direction.

"I'll maybe call on a favour sometime Shizu chan, you are in my debt now after all. Secondly, I never said I hated you. It's you that runs amok spewing hatred towards me, I merely love getting a reaction out of you, riling you up, it's fun. As for saving you Shizu chan, your downfall will be much greater, much more magnificent than that. Your undoing will be a significant event not something as shitty as that. And your downfall should be done by me." 

I turned in my cramped sleeping bag, smiling a little and at ease. This seemed fitting. This was right. The rivalry and reasons seemed familiar. I accepted his twisted challenge and with a yawned "goodnight" of acceptance, I let sleep capture me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suu much ooc I'm sorry


	6. A Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was grinning blocking the sun. Rays of brightness escaped the sides of his head, making it oddly look like he had some sort of halo. That bastard was the furthest thing from an angel. I pulled a sour expression.  
> "What a greeting Shizu chan I missed you too,"  Izaya said flopping down on the bench beside me.

It was a sweltering, hot day in the city of Ikebukuro. I pawed at the perspiration on my forehead and my eyes drifted up to the sky. It was a clear blue, with the sun blurring and spreading beautifully into the sky. I was enjoying myself for once. Tom san had sprung a week vacation on me as he had to deal with some affair back at his hometown and this gave me a small holiday from work. I had decided to sit at the park for a few minutes before I went to hang out with Celty and Shinra. I supposed hanging out with friends for leisure had become a rare occurrence lately. My fingers twitched and a craving to smoke washed over me. I wanted to suppress the urge for here at least, I was so at peace I didn't want to pollute the precious day.

My phone rang, shattering my stuporous calm state of mind. I lazily retrieved my phone. 

'Saviour' lit up my phone screen.

Who? I picked up the call and that voice spoke out. That one voice to shatter, destroy, kill, murder any good mood I was in.

"Shizu chan."  
"Why the fuck are you saved as saviour?"   
"I was bored in the morning of our get together." He was smiling I knew he was, that condescending, stupid smile. 

"You were gone when I had woken up. Now why are you calling bastard you have some nerve," I tried to not shout down the phone.  
"I want a favour," he explained. My body sank down on the park bench, dismayed. I owed the flea a favour.  
"What do you want?" I asked, crushing my teeth together.  
"Where are you right now?" Izaya countered my question with one of his.  
"Park," I said shortly.  
"I'm coming, stay there."   
The call disconnected. 

My jaw clenched and unclenched. It wasn't as if I hadn't thought of that day, exactly a month ago. That weird day of ceasefire and connection with the fucking flea. Kasuka had given out, his tone monotonous at my petty revenge. Chastising me for being overprotective and the fact that he wasn't a younger sister who needed her brother to beat up any hooligans that caused her distress. I had erupted into laughter at that and felt much better. I put the affair behind me, trying not to think of the flea too much. Izaya had pretty much dropped off the radar anyway and I hadn't seen him at all, It was pleasant but I had been curious about his absence. Eventually I had forgotten about it. Afterall these sort of events rose up all the time in my life.  Now the bastard was coming here with God knows what task. Was I meant to treat him normal?  How does one change their accustomed behaviour towards someone?

I was getting agitated just thinking of Izaya. I felt a shadow over me and looked up to be met with Izaya. how had he gotten here so quick? It was unnerving and very much like Izaya, he had clearly been tracking my moments.

He was grinning blocking the sun. Rays of brightness escaped the sides of his head, making it oddly look like he had some sort of halo. That bastard was the furthest thing from an angel. I pulled a sour expression.  
"What a greeting Shizu chan I missed you too,"  Izaya said flopping down on the bench beside me.

I looked at him, even on such a hot day he was wearing a jacket. His hair was hanging low and stuck to his forehead due to the humidity, he looked a little thinner and the usual dark was under his eye. I was definitely going to have a closer look at that today and confirming whether it was eyeliner or not.

"Well out with it already, I don't have all day," I grumbled, my mood spoiled.  I wanted to be on my way to see Celty and Shinra. 

"It's very easy just your usual job of bodyguarding but this time, it's me," Izaya explained, he took out his cellphone and tapped a few times on the screen while I shot him a look of disbelief. He was actually expecting me to do such a thing? And be around him more?

"No," it was all I could come out with.

Izaya put his phone down, facing me and tilted his head to the side. "You owe me Shizu chan, and it isn't that hard, you're unemployed for a week anyway."

Suddenly something clicked into place. I bunched up the front of Izaya's jacket with one hand and pulled him forward towards me. "What the fuck did you do to Tom san's hometown?" I demanded. Izaya just smiled even in this position. Okay I still couldn't tell if that was eyeliner even with him this close. Focus Shizuo!

"Calm down Shizu chan, just a tiny conflict that they'll solve by the end of the week. It's convenient for you to take on this favour this way. Stop worrying." Izaya put his hand over mine, untangling my fingers and getting himself free. He straightened himself up.

I was still angry. "You have connections everywhere don't you flea?" I snapped. When Izaya didn't respond I could only sigh impatiently, It was infuriating to think the slimy bastard had one up over me, he easily manipulated a situation to have me in his debt and as a debt collector, I knew I was at a deficit. "Well give me details, what have you gotten yourself into this time that you need my protection?" I asked, steadying my breathing and nerves.

"So you accept?" Izaya smirked.

"I guess I have to," I said in resignation. 

"I have a stalker," Izaya started.

"What? Who would find anything appealing in you?" I cut in, unable to comprehend.

"My good looks and enigmatic allure obviously Shizu chan," Izaya chuckled.

A woman pushing a pram walked by us, shooting us an uneasy look and speeding up. I guess we did look dodgy as hell.

"Continue." I was still at a loss as to who would want to tail a flea, they were pesky and annoying.

"Well he's strong, obsessive and possesive-"

Again I had to interrupt. "He?"

Izaya frowned slightly, "Well like I was just enjoying the entertainment in highschool."

"Did you fuck with him or fuck him?" I asked crudely. Sexuality didn't bother me, I never honestly paid attention to it but I didn't peg Izaya for being gay. Well Izaya never seemed to have an interest in that sort of thing, the closest I've ever heard the guy mention love was his messed up love for humans apparently.

"Stop assuming and interfering. I was merely interested by the outcome of a traditional, macho, built guy like him struggling and having to come out of the closet. I wanted to observe that moment he had to admit his sexuality, I was curious. He was on the rugby team and I don't know it perked my interest to see how they would treat him but I got a little too close and he fell in love somehow? It was odd, he became clingy and I barely talked to him in the first place. I thought I had escaped him really, it was highschool afterall but I've noticed him following me lately and he's burlier than ever. That's why I'm asking for your protection." Did Izaya seem a little uncertain all of a sudden? I had let him explain the whole story and now I was sitting there trying to process it all.

Ok so a stalker guy was in love with Izaya and I had to be his bodyguard. My simple mind could understand that. 

"I'm telling ya flea this is karma," it was my turn to grin now. I settled further back on the park bench.

"Oh my karma won't be as flimsy as that. I want something divine," said Izaya.

I could only stare at him, the guy was definitely twisted.

"You believe in a great something for everything don't you?" I probed.

"Everyone should have belief," He answered, "Now will you help or not?"

I paused, I did owe him didn't I? Plus stalkers were bad news. They behaved irrationally and violently not that I was worried about that damn flea.

"Fine," I complied.


	7. A Jolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's eyes flashed, smoldering for a minute and dulling. How the hell does he have such a split personality?

Izaya stood up from the bench but somehow lost his balance, my hand jerked out of its own accord, steadying him. Did I just help him out?

"Thanks Shizu chan," he said, turning his head sidewards to look at me. His expression was schooled perfectly to indifference.

"Have you even been eating?" I huffed, my hand retreating to my side. My eyes fixed over his body to scrutinize his figure. Yes, he had definitely gotten thinner.

"Here and there," Izaya dismissed nonchalantly. 

Why was the idiot treating his body poorly? My lips twitched as I tried to reign in my anger. He really loved to annoy me.

"Well let's go to Simon's sushi place, you can give me the rest of the details and we're both starving so," I suggested. It was an impulsive suggestion, stupid and disbelieving but around Izaya everything seemed to sharpen and hasten and any semblance of reason was always stripped away. Looked like my peaceful day with Celty and Shinra was put on hold.

Izaya agreed and we were on our way. 

Stop looking at me. Izaya and I were the centre of suspicious stares on our short walk to the sushi bar. It's not like I blamed these people, we both were infamous for always getting into disruptive fights in Ikkebukoru and to see us walking, near side by side was an unusual sighting. By now I would have dislodged a pole from the ground and launched it at Izaya. My shouts would have been ricocheting  off the streets and Izaya would cause a mess by dodging my attacks. Even if I didn't blame them, the furtive glances off strangers were beginning to piss me off.  I glared at anyone looking in our direction, causing them to double over and look in the opposite direction. We approached the familiar sushi bar and a wave of confusion washed over me as my hand pushed open the door. Was I really going to eat sushi with the damn flea? What even was going on in my life anymore?

I was hit with a breeze of coolness when I entered the bar, the AC must be turned on since it was such a warm day. Noises reached my ears and it seemed to be a busy day for the joint. 

"Let's sit over there," Izaya pointed at the more hidden, inconspicuous table for two in the farthest corner. It was amusing to see the flash of introverted Izaya, it reminded me of all the times I had seen Izaya with his head stuck in a book, in some obscure corner of the school, it also gave reason for his constant disassociation with humanity, he just simply watched them, disjointed from the actual unit. It was strange mulling over all these thoughts of the flea but I definitely agreed with his choice of seating. 

On our way I heard a voice scream out my name. Was that Walker? I shifted my body towards the calling and there was Dotachin and his crew. Walker had a big smile plastered to his face and waved us over. I dodged tables and weaved through people to reach them, I could hear Izaya's soft footfalls behind me, alerting me that he was following. 

"What're you guys up to?" Dotachin questioned when we reached his table. He looked between us two,eyeing us and his eyebrows knit together as if trying to discern the mysteries of the world. Told you it was a rare sighting. 

"Getting some sushi," Izaya answered, you could tell he was trying to hold in his laughter at the incredulous looks we were being subjected to.

"Well join us!" Walker invited, seemingly oblivious to the underlying tension and suspicion, scooting over to allow us room. 

I looked at Izaya and he just shrugged. Oh well, today was a day assigned to hang out with friends anyway. I sat down, with the damn flea having to squeeze in beside me. Soon a hum of conversation started carrying out, even if what was happening was absurd, general conversation still could play out.   
Simon greeted us warmly in his usual eccentric manner and took down our orders, warning Izaya and I not to cause any trouble.  I reassured him that everything would be fine and soon our food had arrived.

"Make sure you eat up everything I'm not catching you next time," I threatened the flea, using a chopstick to lift sushi and drop it into my mouth.  It was delicious. 

"Yes sir," Izaya said in mock politeness, digging into his own food.

Erica let out an inhumane squeak. We all turned to her and she was grinning manically, flustered and looking victorious.

"I've always shipped Shizaya so hard and now it's happening before me," she squealed, fanning herself. My eyebrows rose in confusion and I heard Dotachin sigh.

"Ignore her. She means you and Izaya, it's just her being a crazy yaoi fangirl," he explained, exasperated.  Even if he was a young man, just about older than me, his presence had the uncommon mature vibe and demanded authority in a good sense, that's why I got along with Dotachin.

A soft laughter came out of Izaya.  
"It's not funny," I glared. Shizaya? I thought I was gonna hurl from disgust. 

"But fangirls are very important in this world," Izaya said intelligently. I chose to ignore him and his stupid statements, not willing to entertain him or Erica, until he leaned over close to me, his hot breath on my cheek. At that stage Erica lost her cool and collapsed backwards onto her chair. The guys huddled around Erica to see if she was okay while I continued glaring at the flea.  
"What are you doing? Get away," I hissed. Why was the bastard invading my personal space? 

"Don't look to your left but my stalker is sitting right there, watching us," Izaya whispered into my ear. I suppressed the instinct to look left over Izaya as I paled a little. So a guy really was stalking Izaya. Following him around and watching him. How fucking creepy.

"Move more in front of me so I'm shielded and can see the guy," I instructed. Izaya did as he was told until my line of vision was cleared. It wasn't hard to miss the guy. Even going on Izaya's description of a built guy, there was something sinister about him. From the way he mechanically sat straight on his seat, to his cheap dye job and how his dull eyes were locked to the back of Izaya's head. 

"Are you two about to make out?" Erica asked enthusiastically. When had she regained composure? I jerked away from Izaya.

"You're being ridiculous Erica," I snapped. 

I turned back towards Izaya. "Let's exit and see if he follows us, I don't want to cause trouble here."  
"Okay," Izaya agreed, seeming to be deep in thought.  We hadn't completed our sushi but we had to deal with this creep first. The sooner I got rid of the guy, the quicker I could get away from Izaya and our names would cease to associate.

We bid goodbye to Dotachin and his gang, who still seemed puzzled about what we were up to. I noticed Izaya's parting smile straining a little. Oh what do we have here? Human behaviour from the flea? We shuffled out of the sushi bar, calling a goodbye to Simon before leaving. I heard the door opening behind us. Yes, he was definitely following after us. My attention was focused on the sound of the stalker behind us as I tried to take discrete peeks over my shoulder. A light drizzle had taken over the promising day and I contemplated just bashing the guy's head in and taking shelter in Shinra's. That would certainly make a quick job out of the task. 

I was so lost in my thoughts, I crashed into Izaya who had chosen this exact moment to plant his feet to the ground. 

"What the-" I started.  
He turned around abruptly and closed our already short distance by grabbing my tie and pulling me close. I didn't have time to react. I was too startled. Limbs knocking into each other, hot breath fanning on my face, lips momentarily in my view until they pressed against mine. I was completely frozen in this position with Izaya, feeling his soft lips on mine and a jolt going through me. I could feel his other hand grazing my collarbone and resting gently on my cheek. 

I was feeling bloody lightheaded from the confusion but that confusion was paralysing me to the spot. My eyes snapped open as he broke away from the kiss and locked onto his, hair tousled, a slight pink coloured his cheeks but his eyes were glinting and his lips tilted into a smile. I could see every etching, every curve, every tone change this close up. The darkness under his eyes and the delicate swirl of veins underneath them. I could feel my own face flushing. What. The. Fuck. How dare the flea kiss me. I couldn't fathom the meaning behind it, and my heavy breathing and pumping heart were indication, fucking proof that this had actually just happened. 

Izaya didn't say anything, just let me go, turned back around and started walking, as if nothing had occurred. I however, was still rooted to the spot. No I had to move, I needed to throttle the damn flea. I commanded my legs to function, to move already and they finally responded, short, jerky movements but I eventually made progress towards the flea. I roughly grabbed his arm, forcing him to fall into step toward me. Contact seemed awkward in the aftermath of a kiss, I should've thought that one through. 

"Woah no need to be so eager Shizu chan," Izaya giggled. Actually fucking giggled.

I towered over the guy he should feel intimidated, I opened my mouth, ready to vomit a torrent of abuse, when his expression changed, stopping me. It darkened.  
"Don't say anything meaningless, he's seething over there. Maybe he'll make a move but knowing him he'll go home and plan it more elaborately." I didn't know what he was saying until I caught the stalker's profile in my peripheral vision.

"I don't get it," I groaned, frustrated. My hand combed through my hair in irritation. For a simple person such as myself, these mixture of emotions and thoughts, clashing was too much.  
"Oh look he's leaving."  
I swerved fully round to see the stalker get in a car and slamming the door shut loudly.

"I don't care about that damn pervert, you have ten seconds to explain before I carve them lips out of your flesh," I threatened. I knew we were walking around aimlessly now but I didn't care. 

"Of course it's my lips," Izaya teased. I was flustered and starting to see red now,he didn't know how close I was to hurting him. 

"Well Erica kinda gave me the idea. A violent boyfriend seemed more formidable than a temporary bodyguard if I'm honest," Izaya explained carelessly, crossing the street.

"What?" I gritted my teeth, still walking with him, I was dazed and my eyes kept drifting down to them damn lips.

"I don't know," Izaya suddenly burst out into laughter, flicking a strand of hair back. "The stalking fuck was beginning to annoy me. I rejected him numerous times in highschool saying I wasn't into boys but for him to see me kissing a boy felt like that little more. A revenge of sorts? It was satisfying to see that infuriated expression," Izaya continued to laugh manically and I could only watch him feeling a little repulsed. How messed up was the guy? And had Izaya just swore? The guy who has always been carefully eloquent with his words, rubbing in his superior intelligence any chance he got. Was I missing something in all of this?

"You're twisted," I stated, scrunching up my face.

"This time you can't blame me. If someone targets me I shut them down. You should know me well by now Shizu chan plus it was entertaining to get a reaction out of you," Izaya yawned.

Blood rushed to my face. How the hell could he casually say such embarrassing things? I gave up. Maybe what he was saying held an element of truth but did he really need to use me as an instrument? Oh who was I kidding, this was Izaya. He treats everyone as his puppet.

"Now he'll probably pick a fight with you soon. Destroy him and make sure to say I'm yours," Izaya instructed.

Somehow we were back at the park again but I knew where his destination lay. He was walking towards the bus stop, probably taking the last bus home.

"I refuse," I said hotly. No way was I saying we were a thing. It was fundamentally wrong, the concept could never gain a reality.

"Now now Shizuo chan you owe me this. He'll be too scared to approach me again if he thinks you're around." 

No I wouldn't do it. I was going to leave Izaya at this bus stop and go home. This bizarre connection had stretched on long enough. My brain already kept flashing back to my damn kiss with the flea and it was just stirring up emotions of embarrassment. 

I heard the noise of the bus approaching the stop, it halted and the doors opened. A wave of people started coming out.

"Come home with me, you're still protecting me. Don't forget I practically saved your life," Izaya's eyes flashed, smoldering for a minute and dulling. How the hell does he have such a split personality?

"But you took my boy kissginity," I said stupidly. I didn't know how else to phrase it, everything was just too absurd. 

Within a second, he was smiling, "Don't be so childish, get on."

Knowing I'd regret it, I stepped on the bus with Izaya, the wretched flea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know what I'm craving, a Soulmate Shizaya au ;_; I'm uploading this as I procrastinate from my mountain heaps of torturous hw, hope it's okay


	8. A Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was this some sort of sick plot twist, to have Izaya's sharp grin within the dull gray and angry red that was my life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mentions of depression, insensitive comments and a little negativity but I don't think it's a massive trigger kinda thing, just a warning:) next update will be slow as I have exams next week, so expect an update next Friday, Saturday ;-;

Discomfort. Embarrassment. Awkwardness. Those were the dominant emotions I was feeling as Izaya, keys jingling, opened his apartment door. I couldn't believe I was actually here again on a bodyguard duty for an idiot who had thoughtlessly kissed me. It wasn't as if I was flustered, I wasn't. It's just that he had caught me off guard and when in my right mind would I want to be locking lips with the flea? Yep that was it I thought in conviction, entering the familiar apartment.

"Do you want a drink Shizu chan?" Izaya offered, shrugging off his jacket to reveal a simple, black fitting shirt. I watched his every motion with an unintended focus, and blinked rapidly at being addressed.

"Do you have beer?" I asked without any regard to manners. I didn't have to be civil to the idiot even if we were momentarily having to tread on common ground. And it wasn't as if I was trying to drown my confusion with drink. At least I hoped I wasn't. A desire to breathe in the fumes of tobacco hit me. I'll smoke after I settled in further, I promised myself. 

"I'll have a look," Izaya yawned, rubbing his eyes. I observed his face for a second, okay if he was wearing eyeliner, the rubbing should have smudged it. That would be my evidence though I had no idea why I was curious about whether Izaya applied eyeliner or not. I guess the simple minded could be easily entertained.

His face simply looked tired, his movements towards the kitchen, sluggish. I followed after him, leaning against a counter and watched as he searched his fridge. He threw a can towards me suddenly without warning or a glance and my hand swooped out to catch it, in one fluid motion.  
"Brilliant reflexes as always Shizuo chan," Izaya commented with his lips tilted upwards.

"You should know by how many times you've missed stabbing me in the past years," I laughed and paused. What was I doing? Reminiscing with the flea? Was this some sort of sick plot twist, to have Izaya's sharp grin within the dull gray and angry red that was my life?

"Anyway, you look like you're about to collapse in your drowsy state. Go sleep," I ordered, opening the can and letting the cool liquid wash down my throat. 

"It's your first proper time here. I can't just sleep on you, let's put on a movie or something. I'd hate to not entertain you," Izaya smirked. 

To that, I merely pushed the flea, dragging him by the sleeve to his bedroom. He could sleep and I'd be rid of his presence to think and smoke in peace.

"Again so eager to get me to the bedroom, no need to man handle me," Izaya huffed, stumbling. 

Blood rushed to my face,"Just sleep you idiot, you can barely stand," I barked, "Plus I want the details of your research of the Silver Lighters and that whole affair, I've been meaning to ask you and check up on that situation and it gives me something to do," I added.  Perhaps I should have completed the task a while back but the inevitable of asking the flea for the research material kept me from doing so. I mean I had put the affair behind me but I supposed I had to keep tabs on the situation as a precaution. 

"Hold on," Izaya drawled, exiting the bedroom, with his shoulders hunched in exhaustion.

 I could only assume that he was going to his office room. In that brief window of time, I took the opportunity to examine his bedroom. Nothing unusual, the mandatory furniture but it lacked the personal touch of an individual's bedroom. Izaya's office held more personality but I guessed he spent most of his time cooped up in that damn place anyway. The only thing out of character in the room was the small picture, framed on the wall above his bed, of a pubescent Izaya and infant siblings smiling brightly at the camera. It was an oddly cute picture, the flea portraying actual human qualities for once. Oh shut up brain, why was my mind running off into ridiculous tangents?

I sat down on the white leather armchair by the window, opposite the double bed, settling into the softness. I felt a little uncomfortable to be sitting in the flea's bedroom and having to watch over him sleep. Things were really getting out of hand. Izaya returned with an obviously new laptop in his hand (just how many did he own?) and a memory stick in the other.  
"There you go," he said, passing me the items he possessed before crashing backwards onto his bed. No other talk was exchanged and the transition of Izaya's breath slowing down to sleep was all that could be heard. I flicked through the contents of the research material, not finding anything important. It wasn't a personal conflict, just a meaningless gang feud that I was dragged into. I should really quit the Dollars by now, things were beginning to get ugly, unpredictable. The foundations of the Dollars that had seemed promising at first were starting to bend and crack, falling to destruction.

At least I had the leader's home address from this, I needed to pay the poor guy a check up visit and make sure he's not up to anything stupid. Izaya sure was thorough with his research. I glanced at the time, it was only 8pm and the flea was out cold to the world. He must have the most irregular sleeping and eating patterns. I was skimming through the message board on the Dollars website when an alarm pierced the silence. Izaya jerked up, expression a little wild, turning off the alarm.

"What a one hour nap?" I cut in, watching as he rummaged through his bedside drawer. 

"No just have to take iron tablets for my anaemia," he explained lowly, flashing me what seemed to be a fake smile, voice gruff from sleep. I wasn't surprised that he had anaemia, the guy fell over enough. I didn't take him to be the type that had an alarm to remember to take medicine, I mean he barely fed himself or slept right. He gulped down two tablets and fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes again with a soft sigh.

Half an hour passed. I was facing an inner turmoil of curiosity. Something about Izaya taking them tablets seemed off. His plastered smile and frantic expression gave that indication. Ugh I had to have been around the flea too long if I could gauge his behaviour. Curiosity won over whatever conflict I was dealing with, I mean who cares for the flea's privacy right? With slow steps, I reached his bedside table, crouching down to find the pills. I wished I hadn't decided to root through his drawer because the discovery of them typeof pills, made me feel that tight feeling around my heart, that stomach dropping, dry mouthing reaction. From my limited knowledge, they were some form of antidepressants, designed to control your emotions. I gently put it back down and retreated to my initial position. 

______________________

It was 2am. Yes 2am and Izaya was making me curry while I sat on the couch in his sitting room. It was one of those two in one kitchen and sitting room. I had complained I was hungry as soon as Izaya had woken up and now he was stood over the cooker, messy bed hair and all, cooking food. I doubted the flea's cooking skills very much, after all he looked like he barely fed himself but I was ravenous, I hadn't consumed much of the sushi and my stomach was hollow. I switched on the TV to find the starting credits of a late night movie running, relaxing back, I gave my attention towards the movie.

A plate of hot curry was put in front of me on the coffee table, the rich aroma filling my nostrils. Could he actually be good at cooking? Izaya nestled down beside me, food in hand.  
"Itadakimasu," I muttered, taking the food.  
"Didn't take you to be one for table manners," Izaya commented, digging into his own portion. He looked energised, eyes alert and shining, that mouth forever tilted towards the beginnings of a smile. His hair at odd angles all over his face was an amusing display though. 

"Well you don't know me," I grumbled, taking a fork full of the curry. Flavours burst into my mouth and I was shocked at how delicious it was.  
"I've known you since we were fifteen idiot."  
Well it was true, we had known each other for nine whole years.  
"We weren't exactly on friendly terms," I quipped.  
To that Izaya's head fell back and he started laughing. His laughter just caused me annoyance, I switched my attention back to the shitty movie, nearly finishing my food.  
"It seems as though you're going to be high maintenance Shizu chan, I'm going to have to cook everyday."  
"Normal people need to fucking eat three times a day," I retorted, placing my empty plate on the table. I was satisfied with the feeling of being full and now that warm tiredness was taking over my body.

"Are you sleepy? Want to take my bed with me?" Izaya asked with feigned innocence and a cocky smile.  
I could feel my face heating up with blood and embarrassment as my mind flashed back to the kiss.  
"Go overdose on your antidepressants," I said without thinking, a defensive reaction, a bloody stupid reaction and regretted it instantly.

 Izaya's expression darkened completely, morphed into something cold, with no traces of humor. 

"You could do with some anger management pills yourself you know Shizu chan. I'll get us something to drink," he said quietly, taking the empty plates and walking back to the kitchen. Guilt filled me. Yes, I was feeling guilty for possibly hurting the flea's damn feelings. I wasn't aware of issues such as these and I went and said the most insensitive thing possible.

I followed after him into the kitchen, feeling apprehensive.  
"I didn't mean to-" I started but was cut by the deadly glare Izaya gave me.  
"Don't look at me with pity in your eyes. That expression for me doesn't suit you Shizu chan. It's not an issue,them pills fuck up my emotions and make me feel hazy anyway, I don't usually take them. It's just a critical situation at the moment, therefore I'm just trying to be stable. I might just do something unthinkable to that stalking bastard if I wasn't taking the pills," Izaya explained, lips in a thin line and eyes serious. This anger was new to me, a venomous anger, poison and hiss to the words but not a mindless aggression.

I always knew he had some form of a mental issue, I mean the sick need to observe humans and sadistic behaviour called it so but I still felt bad for making thoughtless comments. Also just how bad was the stalking?  
"You shouldn't skip out on the pills if you need them," I said gently, timid to set him off.  
"Stop looking down on me Shizu chan," Izaya's eyes flashed with anger and with two strides, a blur of movement in my vision and he grabbed my face and caught my lips roughly with his. Like last time I was completely frozen. Why was he doing this? This was disgusting surely? Just how stable was the guy?

His hands were on my back, holding me in place in front of the counter. I could feel his soft locks of hair on my forehead and the taste of curry and mint and Izaya's usual musky smell filled my senses. He bit my lower lip, startling a pin prick of pain and pleasure to surge through me from the motion, and my brain shut down and legs nearly gave out when he pressed friction to my lower region, a pause and and a push upwards, another tilt of his hips against mine and my mind was reeling, I couldn't get a grasp on the sensations running through me. 

"Get off," I breathed, breaking the kiss and holding him back, air coming out of my lips in short bursts. 

"Are you sure about that Shizu chan?" Izaya asked pointedly and then I realised with dread that I was semi hard. What the fuck. What the hell was going on with me? As far as I was aware, I was a straight guy and the flea, the damn fucking flea could not elicit an erection from me. I could feel Izaya's shallow breathing on my face and I stepped back, dizzy, to hit my hip off the counter. The sensation of sharp pain spread through me but it didn't hurt much. At least my dick was deflating faster than ever now that I was becoming aware of the whole situation. 

"Why again?" I shouted, face brushed with an angry red, vein throbbing on my temple.

"I wanted to take you down a peg or two Shizu chan," Izaya explained, a pink hue to his cheeks and smile on his features. I was furious, completely pissed off. How dare he thoughtlessly kiss me so roughly again? It was maddening. And now he had succeeded in his intentions. I couldn't look him in the eye and my cheeks were blushing furiously and I was repulsed by ultimately myself. 

Izaya turned around to get the two beers he had taken out of the fridge and walked back to the couch in the sitting room. I stood very still against the kitchen counter, face still hot and breathing only steadying. I was mortified and my eyes were heavy and craving sleep and this whole situation was just bewildering. 

"I have your drink here, come over Shizu chan. You can take my bed, I'm not tired, I'm going to go into my office after this movie," Izaya called over his shoulder. With mechanic, rigid steps I was back at the couch. I forced myself to look at the flea in the eye, I wanted to punch him in the face so badly, it made my knuckles twitch.  
"We are sorting the stalker business tomorrow and parting ways okay," I said through gritted teeth, slowly saying every syllable.  
He met my defiant glare with his usual smug look. "Sure, whatever Shizu chan."


	9. A Task

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not that I cared about his welfare but I tightened my hands around his fingers anyway, willing my high body temperature to seep warmth to him.

My eyes opened to the harsh rays of sunlight filtering through the curtains. I groaned, slapping a hand over my eyes and rolled over to bury my face into the soft covers and the smell of Izaya. The smell of Izaya... I bolted upright, feeling alienated and there I was in Izaya's comfortable, obscenely large bed. I relaxed a little once I remembered how I had gotten there, until I recalled what had happened last night. Embarrassment hit me and I could feel a blush coming through, from my neck to my ears. Oh get a grip, was the flea really making me embarrassed? I dragged my eyes to the clock. Ten past ten. It was too early for such emotions. 

I got up, stretching and found my crumpled shirt and waistcoat on the floor. It had been unwise to come to Izaya's with no bed wear or change of clothes, I had to sleep in uncomfortable trousers and no top. I made a mental note to make a trip back home for clothes before I set off on the task of solving this stalker issue. This task had to be resolved today, I felt as if my mind would go completely insane if I had to stay with the damn flea any longer. Suddenly the said flea ducked his head into the door.

"Oh you're up Shizu chan," he said brightly, he looked refreshed even though he had obviously been up all night. What was this irregular sleeping pattern?

"Fucking knock," I muttered, just about doing up my last button.  
"Knock on my own room?" Izaya asked, laughing, walking to the other side of the room towards his wardrobe. Stupid, cocky, self righteous shit.

"You shouldn't wear those clothes again, I'll try find you a top which is a bigger fit on me. What would the neighbours say if they saw you leaving in the same clothes?" Even with his back turned to me, with him rifling through his clothes, I could tell he was smiling. My fists clenched as I understood the double meaning, he loved to rile me up. Bastard.

"Let them think I fucked you senseless, do you think I give a crap?" I snapped, Izaya turned around and I was satisfied to see the faint red on his cheeks. Good, he wasn't going to be the only one to work me up. Wait was I enjoying teasing Izaya? This wasn't normal, this casual banter, these conversations, I shook my head slightly.

"Flirting in the morning already? This might be tight but it's all I've got," he said, throwing me a long sleeved grey jumper shirt. I ignored his first comment, as I caught the article of clothing and started unbuttoning ny shirt.   
"I've made pancakes, come eat in the kitchen ," Izaya said and left the room.

God damn him and his good cooking, my stomach rumbled at the mention of pancakes. I quickly put the jumper over my head, I felt a little constricted at my chest and arms but it should do for today. I glanced at the mirror, not wearing a bartenders uniform made me look oddly casual and normal. Again I smelled of the fucking flea, I used my hands to pat my hair down and left for the kitchen in search of the food. I just about inhaled all the pancakes, which were coated in syrup, disregarding the flea who sat opposite me on the table. 

"What's the plan for today? How do we find your stalker san?" I questioned, taking a sip of milk. Good he knew me enough to know I loved milk. 

Izaya blew on his coffee, mulling over his thoughts for a moment. "His knowledge should be extensive enough to know you stayed the night. He'll follow us if we leave the house."

"Just how much of a freak is he? Fuck," I swore, leaning back on the chair.   
Izaya smiled, a tight lipped smile. "And can I ask you what your plan is Shizu chan?" he inquired, razor sharp focused onto me.

"Beat him up, spew your boyfriend crap and be on my way," I answered simply, returning his gaze levely.

"Okay just make sure to do it right," Izaya warned and stood up to take the plates away. I used that time to go to the bathroom and wash my face, when I returned, Izaya was at the front door, adorned in his trademark jacket.

"Let's go."

_______________________

We left the apartment complex, to walk along the park. We visited a few shopping centres for an hour, empty conversations and eyes cautious, looking out for the stalker. It seemed to be another warm day, not as beautiful as yesterday but with a soft breeze blowing, causing a few strands of my hair to dance in the wind. Izaya was right. Soon the creep was following us, not even making an effort to conceal his actions.

"Where should we go to deal with this?" I asked Izaya, he seemed to be basking in the good weather but I wasn't fooled. His constant attention on the stalker behind us was evident. He was unsure, scared dare I say? Not exactly terrified but uncertain.   
"I don't know, the closest alley?" Izaya suggested, and my eyes surveyed the street to search for a turning to a vacant alley. 

I looked down making a startled noise, when I felt hands lacing through mine.  
"What are you doing?" I hissed, my stomach dropping from just this one thing.  
"Doing it right and angering him," Izaya responded, tightening his grip. I looked at our interlocking hands,not knowing what to think. I wanted to let go but sure enough I could almost feel lasers being stared towards our hands from a certain someone behind us. His hands were cold, contrasting with the warmth of mine, didn't fear make your hands cold? How was a stubborn, prided little shit anxious, when he constantly placed himself in danger just for the thrill? Perhaps he needed human contact to reassure him of the current situation. Not that I cared about his welfare but I tightened my hands around his fingers anyway, willing my high body temperature to seep warmth to him.

I spotted a narrow alley to the left and pulled Izaya along with me.  
"This seems good," I said lowly, turning us around to face the stalker.

The man didn't hesitate to walk into the alley straightaway and stand before us, to which I wasn't suprised. He was powerful in build, strong shoulders, and was an inch or two taller than me, even though I was considerably tall. His dead eyes focused on Izaya, zeroing in on him in a way that made my skin prickle.

"Look at me," I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes.  
The stalker shifted his view to glare down at me. "Let go of my Iza chan," he said furiously, eyes somehow ablaze. His voice was squeaky, octaves higher than what I had expected to come from a man that looked like that. 

This confrontation seemed awfully clichéd and I cringed inwardly at my next line.   
"Not yours, mine."  
I could feel Izaya's hands loosening in my grasp, was he okay? I shot him a sideways glance and he had his eyes fixated on the gravel floor.  
The stalker's facial expression manifested to pure fury and he drew himself up to tower over me. 

"Fuck off, Iza chan can only look at me. Has he ever let himself go to you? Been vulnerable only to you? He will forever love me, Iza chan isn't that right? Why're you avoiding me? Look at me." 

My blood boiled at every word he uttered. What a freak show. What was he even saying?  
"Listen here you pervert. You will leave Izaya alone. He doesn't want to be near you. He has me, so disappear before things get bad," I said, jaw clenched. 

Just how messed up could a person get? To that, the guy lost to his fury. "Not Izaya, that should be Orihara to you," he shouted, swinging wildly with his big hands which I dodged easily. I grabbed one of his hands, letting go of Izaya and twisting the stalker's arm behind his back. From then on I didn't know what I did. I myself was lost to blind rage, I was disgusted by this vile human who decided to cause such distress to the one he supposedly loved. 

My hits just kept raining down on his body, uncontrolled, my emotions at a high. I only came to my senses when I could feel Izaya tugging on my arm and calling my name. My cloudy vision cleared. The stalker was keeled over on the floor, coughing up blood. I glared at him menacingly, raising my fist. 

"Please stop," he sobbed, wincing and jerking away.

"Then leave this town. Leave Izaya the fuck alone. Never return and if you do, I'm always by his side and I won't spare you next time," I spat with venom. I could hear my thoughts now and feel the breeze in my hair.   
"Okay yes-I'lp do just that," he squeaked, flinching and with one last pleading and longing look at Izaya, he staggered out of the alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Friday or Saturday, after my exams are over:)(I'm not procrastinating studying by posting this what)
> 
> I don't know why but I always feel like Izaya would be the one full of sexual innuendo and crude remarks and Shizuo would just be incredibly embarrassed :')


	10. A Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story. This case, was closed.

I was a little dazed, I stared unseeingly at my fists. My head swirled with dizzying thoughts, I was losing control too much lately. Losing my focus on reality, letting my turbulent anger take the reigns. It was worrying. All I could hear was my heavy breathing and pulse beat in my ear. I was always confused when I returned to my senses.

"Shizu chan?" It was Izaya, his voice quiet and gentle, lacking his usual bite. I had forgotten he was even there, I directed my gaze towards him. His expression was inquisitive and he looked much calmer.  
I cleared my throat, past the high of anger and anxiety that had lodged itself there.  
"I don't think he'll be bothering you from now on," I said gruffly. 

To that, Izaya stretched his arms upwards, as high as he could reach and slid his hands into my hair. Ruffling it and messing it up, with this strangely warm friction. I ducked out of his reach.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, heart skidding past a beat.

"You don't like the kisses so I was displaying my gratitude," he smiled cheekily, stepping back to the balls of his feet.

The normal Izaya. I couldn't even get angry at his comments or actions because I was relieved that his usual behaviour had returned.  
"Well you're welcome. I'm out. See ya," I said abruptly, walking out of the alley. It was better if I left already. Things were already bizarre enough. Between Izaya and I, it was hard to decipher the true dynamics of our relationship. Izaya caught up with me in no time, skinny flea had always been fast.

"Let's go to the burger joint before you go, I'm starving," Izaya complained, matching my pace. Why was he prolonging this? I was hungry though. The bus back to Ikkebukoru didn't run for another hour and by the time I would return, I'd die of hunger. I also had grown accustomed to eating with someone as ridiculous as that sounded. My weak mind didn't want to eat alone so soon again but did I really want to spend an extra hour with the flea? Well I guess I couldn't cut this off so suddenly.  
"Fine," I said shortly and let him lead me towards the burger joint. 

It was a short walk, filled with an empty silence. I could sense that Izaya was deep in thought, probably trying to process what had all happened. I myself was feeling at ease, this whole business was over with, now I could go home and enjoy the rest of my five day vacation. Also Izaya didn't have such a creep shadowing him constantly. 

"We're here," Izaya announced, the burger joint looming into our view. Izaya pushed open the door to a typical looking takeaway restaurant. I noticed two staff members, sporting blue caps and aprons at the register, colourful, large menus were glued to the wall, flashing deals in bold lettering. We got into the small queue, it looked as if it wasn't busy at this time. I could only spot a couple and a small group of friends occupying two tables. I ordered my double cheese burger and drink, listening to Izaya ask for the veggie burger and then we were on our way to the window seat. 

I sat down, running a hand through my hair. The confrontation earlier had already tired me out and the day was still young.  
"So what are you going to do when you get back home Shizu chan?" Izaya asked with a disconcerting casual tone and seated himself opposite me.

"Sleep some more," I said instantly. Izaya huffed out a laugh. "Typical."  
"Shut up. What're you going to do?" I questioned, glaring at him.  
"Bury myself in work, I've been neglecting it lately and track Kouk-the stalker's movements," replied Izaya.  
Something was bothering me but before I could voice it, our food had arrived. That was a surprisingly quick service.

I bit into my burger and made a small noise of satisfaction as the taste of melted cheese and meat burst on my tastebuds, I made a quick job of my burger and started sipping on my coke, even as Izaya had barely consumed half his burger. 

"That's right. What did the lunatic mean when he said has he ever been vulnerable to you?" I asked, observing Izaya for his reaction. He froze and resumed his chewing slowly. 

"Nothing really," he dismissed nonchalantly. Izaya had always been a skilled actor but I knew the idiot for years and as much as I hated to admit it, he wasn't some unfeeling robot. I could detect that something was amiss, something in my gut turning over the words of the stalker and causing me to watch Izaya with a sharp focus.

"Didn't sound like nothing." 

Now it was Izaya's turn to glare menace at me, "It was nothing. Okay?"

"It's exhilarating to see you so deceptively human flea," I grinned widely, tugging at my straw with my lips.

"Fine I lied. We fucked. Happy?" I could tell Izaya tried to keep an impassive expression, to say it bluntly, but his shoulders hunched and head lowered slightly, as if in shame? I myself was taken aback, nearly choking on my drink.   
"You let that thing touch you?" I blurted out. 

Izaya fixed me with a steady stare. "I was confused about my sexuality. He was the only available gay guy in highschool," he explained, listlessly. It was as if he was revealing the boring weather conditions when I could tell for certain it was a huge skeleton in the closet for his part. 

"So you just sleep with him!" Disbelief and something akin to hysteria was laced into my tone.

"Don't be a hypocrite Shizu chan, you've had your fair share of girlfriends. I was merely at a low point, I haven't touched anyone since." Again that stoic expression, it was maddening to see such a lifeless face in front of me.

"They didn't matter," I said, cheeks warming up at the mention of the number of girlfriends I had in highschool. 

A sudden realisation hit me, well a slow one making my eyes widen as I ogled at the idiotic flea. 

"You're gay," I stated stupidly.   
"No shit," Izaya said coldly, finishing his burger and using a tissue to wipe his mouth. I always had the notion the guy was disinterested in that sort of thing or was asexual.  
"Wait don't-don't kiss me like that if you are," I stuttered, brain flashing back to all of yesterday's kisses. Just what was the inflection behind them?

Izaya's face finally broke into a grin to my relief, the tension in the air dispersing, leaving that icy expression behind. 

"Oh don't flatter yourself Shizu chan," he smirked,causing me to flush again.

"I hate you. I can't wait to be able to be fighting you again," I mumbled, focusing on Izaya's hands instead of his smiling face. They were small and dainty like Izaya but the sharp of his nails conveyed just how dangerous the guy could be

"Feeling's mutual. After today we can resume to normality I guess," Izaya shrugged, standing up.   
"I'll walk you to the bus station," he offered.

I also stood up for some reason not wanting to leave. I was intrigued about Izaya's past. He seemed to know everything about me but I barely knew anything about him,even though we had gone to the same school. It made me a little angry and I felt out of the loop. To get a glimpse into something so unexpected was fascinating. Though the fact that he slept with such a guy made me sick. He was a monster, looking at Izaya with that sort of expression, he seemed like he could break the flea. Though who was I to judge a monster? I could easily break the flea in that situation, wait..no we would never be in that situation. Damn that idiot messed up with my brain with them kisses. Nevertheless, I was still repulsed by the idea of those two together.

We walked side by side to the bus station, my feet were worn out after all the walking I had to bear with today but at least my stomach was full. I peeked at Izaya, a little confused by what I was feeling. It felt a little unnatural to separate after being together nonstop. What the fuck was I thinking? No what was this feeling? I could see the bus not too far from where we were currently walking. 

"Don't be causing any trouble for Ikkebukoru and my friends," I threatened, as we closed the distance to the bus.

"Don't be so rigid Shizu chan," Izaya teased.  
I hesitated, "And..if your stalker returns, just call me." My mind was screaming. I hated the fucking flea. Why the hell did I extend a helping hand or sound concerned?  
Izaya looked at me for a minute, shock on his features, then smiled, a lopsided smile. "Thanks Shizu chan. Goodbye."

Without turning, responding or looking at the flea I quickly boarded the bus. What was this confusion towards these feelings? At least it didn't matter now right? I pushed the thoughts aside as I remembered the reality that after today our names would pretty much cease to associate in a friendly light. I didn't know if I was relieved or a little concerned. There was no reason for concern though I told myself. This story. This case, was closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. Jk. I can update again soon cos hallelujah my exams are overrrr


	11. A Hotpot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is that an offer?" Izaya flashed me his winning smile. Did the guy ever stop stretching them pretty lips?

"I am exhausted," I stated, crashing back onto Shinra's couch. It had been a tiring day at work and I felt as if I could dissolve into the soft material of the couch and drift away. 

"So you decide to pan out at mine?" Shinra laughed mildly, he sat down opposite me, offering me warm milk. His own hand had a cup of hot chocolate, heat swirled above the mug.

"Yours was close plus I haven't seen you guys in ages," I said, taking a sip. The warm homely liquid relaxed me. 

"Well it's good you're here. I've been meaning to ask you something. Celty and I wanna host a hot pot with all our friends. Wanna come?" he cast Celty a dreamy look, who was sitting with her legs crossed beside him, typing on her phone. 

"Sure," I agreed quickly, a social gathering was something I needed. I had the tendencies of being a recluse, I purposely isolated myself but that didn't mean i didn't crave human interaction. I was too immersed in my work lately to even be around human interaction besides my brother, Tom san and the scumbag shits who refused to pay. Celty lifted her phone to show the display to Shinra, I could almost detect the chastising from her body language. For someone who was far from human, she sure imitated it well with her gentle nature. Not imitated but more so she grew accustomed to being human, I wish I could develop that skill.

"Okay okay I'll ask the real question," Shinra said in submission.  
I shot the two a curious look. What was the real question?   
Shinra turned to me, expression nervous. "I never get to invite Izaya to any of the these events, scared that you two will fight. He may be a lot of work, but he's a dear highschool friend. You two seem on okay terms, can I invite him this time?"   
At the mention of Izaya's name, my mind blanked. I hadn't seen the flea in several weeks after I had left his house. It was as if things were at a silent standstill.  He hadn't stopped by the city to engage in his shady dealings, I didn't know if this was some way of showing his gratitude for my help but the lack of the coppery scent around my city made me anxious. He had dropped off the radar completely. I didn't know whether to be grateful, if I wanted the fragile truce in our relationship to chip and crack with his return.  

Thinking about him after the last incident would always make me lose my concentration, to the extent that Tom san would ask if something was up. I had shoved all thought of him away lately, ignoring that worried fluttering feeling. Now here was the damn flea with another opportunity to come back into my life. Well I'll be damned if I let him affect me. It was a fucking hot pot gathering, I couldn't deny Shinra and Celty the privilege of inviting their own guests.  
I looked at Shinra who seemed to be holding his breath. "Don't be ridiculous, it's your event. Invite whoever," I said dismissively, knowing I would regret it.

_________________

My hand knocked on Shinra's apartment door. I could hear the faint hum of noise coming from inside, while being stood there. I had run a little late, finishing work as fast as I could and going home to get changed. The door opened just as I ran a hand through my hair.  
"Oh you're here!" Shinra thrilled, a bowl present in his hand.  
"I said I would be," I answered, stepping inside. I walked into the sitting room to be greeted by the sight of several people I was familiar with, lounging, conversing, laughing, eating. My mood instantly improved as I spotted Kadota and made my way to him. 

He was in the hub of a big group, people just gravitated to the guy and I wasted no time to dive into the conversation, feeling at ease. My comfort was shattered when I noticed the back of Izaya's head, he was sitting on the sofa, talking to that yellow scarves leader, Kida Masaomi was it? I didn't know for sure, I couldn't care less about the gang feuds that molded themselves to daily occurrences in this city. 

"A lot of us have been anticipating a fight," Walker said excitedly, breaking my train of thought. He was grinning a conspiratorial smile and following my line of vision.

"Well there isn't going to be one," I said, raising my voice so more people could hear. I wasn't going to ruin this on Shinra and Celty. Just what did people take me for? I guess it would always be a monster. 

Shinra ducked his head in the door, a fresh bowl of hot pot in hand and passed it to me.

"Thank you for the food," I smiled which Shinra returned and made his way into the group that Celty was in. That guy was bloody hopeless in his infatuation. Who even gets that bad? I wanted to sit down and my eyes searched the room for a seat. Well Kida Masaomi had moved away from Izaya after a call from his girlfriend from the other side of the room. I sighed, it was pretty much the only available seat and fuck I wanted to prove people wrong about me ruining this gathering with a fight. Also I can overcome whatever stupid emotion that flea had made me feel and crush them to nonexistence. 

So when I sat down beside Izaya, the springs in the sofa slumping to the left under my weight, I could feel the eyes of most people on us. I ignored them, taking a spoon full of the piping hot food into my mouth.

Izaya shot me a suprised look. "I hadn't noticed you had arrived Shizu chan." I looked at him. He looked the same as always yet this time he had taken care to comb his hair proper and switched from his usual jacket to a high collared navy shirt. He looking annoyingly cute, wait as in a guy way, handsome. That was the word. Maybe I felt a little guilty that he hadn't been invited to these past events. Oh who the fuck was I humouring? He deserved it, he's the biggest shit stirring flea in the room, no, in the whole damn country.

"Just got in now," I huffed, not enjoying the sight of the familiar lips always hinting at a smile.

"Is that a hickey?" Izaya asked all of a sudden, trailing his alert crimson eyes to my neck. I pulled my collar up higher on my neck, ducking my head in paranoia and embarrassment.

"Don't be stupid, it's a flea bite." 

Izaya smiled wickedly, his eyes twinkling red,"I don't recall biting you."

Damn. I should've seen that one coming. It was my fault for calling the idiot a flea all the time. Blood rushed to my face, colouring my skin and it had taken the flea two bloody minutes to work me up.

"Shut up," I said through audibly gritted teeth, facing away from him and focusing on my food 

"I can't help it, I've missed you. Missed teasing my dear Shizu chan," he laughed, placing his empty bowl on the table. I blushed further. How can he admit such shameless things so easily? He sure loved to embarrass me. I hated not knowing his motives or meanings behind words, it muddled my mind completely. 

"How's the stalking situation?" I asked, diverting away from the conversation at hand. 

"It's fine now. You gave the guy such a scare, he doesn't come near me," Izaya informed, he had gotten closer, no I hadn't realised we had gotten closer. To the point that we I was tilting my head towards him and he was leaning towards me. I don't know how we always managed to weave a world togethr consisting of only us when we engaged in conversation, well arguments.

"Oh what a shame. I wanted to pound his face more," I chuckled, a hum of adrenaline that always came with Izaya flowing through my veins but it was a warm rush of adrenaline not spiked with anger.

"And you call me fucked up," Izaya said, eyes glinting. He was so annoying, so annoying that I nearly had missed his companionship but no I hated him.

"I feel fucked up with everyone looking at us so much," I grumbled, finishing my food. 

"Yeah we seem to have an audience."

It was beginning to irk me. To make the situation worse, Erica was just walking across the room and stopped in her tracks when she spotted us. She did an almost comical double take. 

She pointed between us two dramatically. "Shizaya.. Thighs pressing together. Oh my god," she puffed out her cheeks, breathing rapidly. Kadota took that moment to grab her by the back of her jacket, and dragged her away. He shot me an apologetic look. 

"Shizaya strikes again," Izaya said, with an amused smile and now an awkward atmosphere had settled between us for some reason. Or was it just me?

"I'm going to put the plates in the sink and chat to Shinra, see you," I muttered, getting up with the two bowls and making an almost dash for the kitchen. Calm down you weirdo, what had gotten into you? I thought as I dumped the bowls in the sink. I found cans of beers on the kitchen table, laid out for the guests and smiled to myself as I took one. I entered the sitting room and walked towards Shinra's group who seemed engaged in conversation. I noted that the Mikado kid had taken my seat next to Izaya now. Ignoring them, I took a swig of my beer and joined in.

______________

Okay I'll admit, I was slightly intoxicated. My head felt heavy and my veins were buzzing with the sensation of alcohol. I widened my eyes, every few minutes to focus on my surroundings. I hadn't intended to drink so much, I hadn't honestly. It's just I was enjoying myself and drowning the feeling about Izaya and wanted that feeling of attention and spotlight placed on me tonight to disappear. Therefore, yes I accepted drink after drink, enjoying the confidence and giddy feeling it gave me. My vision blurred as I looked at my phone screen. It was nearly twelve at night, a rational thought at the back of my mind told me that I should be getting home already. The number of people still in Shinra's home had reduced down to a casual few, with many still leaving. 

I took dizzying steps to locate Shinra and to tell him I was bailing, swaying slightly as the room spun. When I spotted him I saw two Shinra's but I knew that was my drunken mind playing tricks.

"I'm heading Shiiinraaa," I slurred, almost walking into him. I snickered at his unimpressed expression, something about it amusing me.  
"You're going to walk home in that state? So drunk out of your mind?" Shinra asked anxiously, looking around probably for Celty. Hell if I was gonna be escorted home.  
"I'm not drunk, I'll be fine," I protested, eyes blinking rapidly a few times to clear Shinra's image in my eye.

"I'll take him home," a voice said at my elbow and I looked to spot the flea, the person that I had been avoiding all night. My stomach dropped at the sight of him and what he was suggesting. Why was he offering this?

Shinra looked at Izaya suspiciously, "Can I trust you to take him safely?"

"Of course," Izaya said, in a falsely offended tone. 

"Noooooo Shinraaa he might try kisssss me," I complained.   
Shinra looked at me puzzled by my statement to which I heard Izaya mutter a quiet, "nevermind him."

I huffed, there was no way I was gonna be taken home by the wretched flea. I wasn't thinking clearly but even my influenced brain knew it wasn't a good idea. Plus my pride couldn't take it. I strutted out of the apartment, in hopes of losing the flea but I could hear him running after me. Fucking hell.

I fell down a few steps but made it to the bottom floor unscathed. 

"You know you could have taken the lift?" Izaya laughed, already caught up with me. I looked at the steps, then the lift in confusion.

"You are so drunk," Izaya sighed. I ignored him and stepped outside. I sobered up slightly when the cool night air hit my face. The sky was darkened, no stars visible due to it being a shitty urban area. I inhaled the fresh air, trying to come to my senses more.

"I'm not a girl. I don't need you to walk me home," I growled, directing my words at Izaya who stood beside me, watching me try to recover and fail miserably. 

"But I like playing the nice boyfriend role," Izaya smirked, starting to walk, already knowing the direction of my home. There he went again, trying to get a reaction out of me, by saying stupid, stupid things. 

Now it was my legs pumping to keep up with Izaya's pace and nearly falling over myself. 

"Careful," Izaya said, holding on to my waist. I felt as if his hand was imprinted there, long after I had shoved him off me.  
"I'm fine," I whined and laughed loudly as Izaya's eyes met mine, he was closer due to my near fall and I can make out his features with the proximity. 

"Say do you wear eyeliner?" I voiced, laughter growing wilder. Why was everything so damn funny? Even the sight of my shoes made me howl with laughter.  
"You're so gonna regret letting me see you like this in the morning," Izaya said in an almost sing song voice. He was definitely dodging the questions, it definitely confirmed my suspicions and my intoxicated mind seemed to find that so unbearably funny that I spent a good proportion of the walk, laughing and taking long gasps, while Izaya shot me bemused looks.

"You're definitely guilty flea," I said focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

"Oi you're walking past your house," Izaya laughed, grabbing my elbow causing me to halt. I wasn't drunk. I was definitely in a perfectly fine state of mind, it was just dark so I missed my house. We walked up to the front of my house, I took out my keys and tried to insert it into the keyhole but no matter how many times I attempted to open it, the key just kept hitting the door.

Izaya groaned slightly beside me, placing his hand over mine to guide the key through. He really needed to stop touching me, it made my head spin even more. I shook my head a little and walked straight to my bedroom, falling onto my bed headfirst automatically and putting my face in the pillow. This felt good. 

"You are not sleeping in them clothes right?" Izaya asked, at the foot of my bed.  
I strained my neck to squint at him in the dark and hissed, slapping my hand over my eye when he flicked the light switch on. The light irritatated my eyes and even in brightness my vision could barely make out Izaya's expression. Just how much had I drunk?

"Are you gonna strip me then?" I chuckled then backtracked when I realised what that sounded like.   
"No no nevermind, you might go on the kiss attack," I choked out wanting to hit myself because my stupid mouth would not shut up.

"Oh yes my favourite thing to do is to take advantage of a stupid drunk," Izaya grinned. He leaned down to take my shoes off me. Had I really crashed onto the bed with shoes on?  
"Wait are you staying the night?" I asked, confused as to why he was still there. My muddled mind cursed myself because yet again, I sounded suggestive.

"Is that an offer?" Izaya flashed me his winning smile. Did the guy ever stop stretching them pretty lips? He pulled off my socks and pushed my feet which I had somehow left hanging on the side of the bed, onto the bed.

"No leave. I don't want you here," the insult falling lightly due to how sleep deprived I was.  
"I can catch the last bus back, you don't have to worry. Now as tempting as the offer was, I'm not stripping you but that attire looks completely uncomfortable."   
"I wasn't worried," I muttered, roughly undoing my waist coat buttons and peeling my shirt off of me. 

I fell back on the bed, my joints feeling stiff. Izaya still hovered above me, closer now.  
"Now I don't trust a buffoon like you to actually sleep, when I'm gone god knows what you'll do drunk. So close your eyes," Izaya ordered.   
"Stop treating me like a kid," I said angrily but closed my eyes nonetheless. My heavy lids closed and I was too exhausted to open them again.   
"Did you have a good day today?" I questioned Izaya sleepily. It was afterall, his first time at a casual get together. 

A pause. "It was pleasant. I enjoyed it," his voice informed me softly.  
"That's good," I smiled, falling into the abyss of sleep. Breath slowing down and muscles relaxing. Whatever I had been worried about felt insignificant in the clutches of sleep. The last thing I remembered is a hand through my hair and the noise of retreating footsteps and door closing before I was completely unconscious to the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter with 3k words  
> Kudos to me for original and witty chapters titles am I right


	12. A Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The springs dipped slightly as I climbed onto the side of the bed and Izaya made a noise of confusion, turning around to face me with wide eyes.

I stirred in my bed, groaning and wincing at the pounding headache that sweetly greeted my morning. I should not have drunk so much I thought as my eyes adjusted to daylight. My whole body felt stiff and glued to the bed. Lucky it was a day off work today, I could spend my time leisurely recovering from this hindrance. Another groan passed through my mouth as I recalled last night's events. An onslaught of images of Izaya attacked me causing me to curl up side ways on the bed. Why was I such a giggling girl as the flea fucking walked me back home? Cringing, I decided to find some aspirin and food before I died on the bed of embarrassment and pain.

Pulling on a t-shirt, I entered my kitchen to root through my cupboard. I really needed to go food shopping. I was barely functioning as a human being, living off convenience food and cereal. My mouth watered, thinking of Izaya's pancakes but I shut down the thought of Izaya on the spot, shoving down the fluttery feeling as I swallowed the tablets and poured myself some cereal. I glanced out the window, it was a horrible day. Rain splashed on the window and an empty gray filled the sky. I grabbed my bowl of cereal and settled onto my couch, turning on the TV. The news flashed on the screen and I picked up the remote to change the channel when something caught my attention. A reporter was relaying the information of a stabbing in Ikkebukuro and as I read the name of the person I felt my mouth go dry. Orihara Izaya. The fucking flea had gone and gotten himself stabbed.

My mind couldn't process anything else being said, only hearing the voice in my head that was screaming,"It's your fault." My headache throbbed harder as my head rang with the accusation. He had walked me home, in the dead of night. I should've swallowed my pride and enmity and asked him to stay the night. It's not that I cared for the flea, I just didn't want to have this on my hands. To have his blood dirty my hands in such an indirect way. He had to have been admitted into the hospital in Ikkebukuro. I scrambled up to shove my shoes and jacket on. Without further delay or a thought, I left my house, one destination ingrained in mind.

____________

"What is this sick display?" Izaya asked, eyeing me up. His skin was a ghostly pale, stark and contrasting with the darkness under his eyes. His hair was tousled and his body was covered by the thin hospital sheet from the waist down. The only thing that radiated life from him was the flair in his eyes. He was referring to me panting at the foot of his bed, hair dripping slightly from the rain.  I was a little stunned that my on the spur decision on visiting Izaya had succeeded. I hadn't expected the reception to confirm Izaya was here when I had choked out his name at the desk, nearly breaking the desk with how hard my palm landed against it.

"You're the sick display," I quipped, walking towards the side of the bed, I could feel his line of vision trailing after me. There were no seats in the shitty cramped hospital room, just the bed, table and monitors beside Izaya. This led me to hover beside Izaya awkwardly, confused as to what to say or how to proceed.

"Why're you here Shizu chan?" Izaya sighed, his eyes holding interest. He looked so worn out, sitting on the bed.

"Show me your wound," I demanded, standing closer to him. My head was flooding with thoughts questioning why I was here, sounding almost concerned for the flea.

"Are you gonna lift up my shirt?" Izaya grinned, quirking an eyebrow. 

My jaw almost dropped to the floor. "Shut up. I don't need your teasing right now, I feel guilty enough as it is. Let me see." I was struggling, I really was. In the past, I didn't need to think so hard on what I was going to say, well in the past, I had literally roared "IIIZZAAAAYAAAAAA" and started flinging shit. Things had seemed to become more complicated now. 

"Guilt for me is something that doesn't suit you Shizu chan. It's all bandaged up, there's nothing to see. I'm fine," Izaya yawned. At that moment, the rain got particularly bad, smashing against the window. I myself, hadn't escaped the onslaught from the rain, even if I had taken a taxi here.

"If you didn't walk my ass back you wouldn't be here." My eyebrows pulled together in frustration. I focused my eyes on Izaya's torso, as if my vision could burn through the sheet and clothes, to see his injury.

Izaya chuckled darkly, surprising me momentarily. "No matter the location, they would've stabbed me. It's not your fault. I'm flattered you visited, I had even called Shinra who's too busy on a date with Celty but go home."

"Do you know who stabbed you?" I asked, ignoring Izaya's instruction and tilting my head towards him.

"No but I'm waiting for them to show up to finish me off," Izaya laughed manically. I could only stare, mystified as his laughter filled up the room, until he started coughing and placing his hand to his stomach, expression straining. I didn't know what to think. I knew the guy was messed up but this was on a new territory for me.

"So you're just going to sit here defenseless and injured waiting for your assailant to show up?" I almost shouted. I was getting irritated now, I knew he was sadistic but he was pushing the barriers to masochism now.

Izaya looked down at his laced hands. "Only choice I have, I want to know who it was. Plus I can't leave." 

I exhaled sharply, breathing in that sickening hospital smell. "Am I seriously going to have to resume my bodyguard duties?"

Izaya jerked his head up to lock his eyes with me, confusion swimming in them. 

"What?"

"I'm saying I'll stick around," I said slowly, warning flags springing up in my mind, telling me to leave.

"You don't have to do that Shizu chan. Go home." I couldn't make out the expression on Izaya's face, it was as if his feelings had flattened out to nothing.

I fidgeted with my hands, feeling agitated that I couldn't sit down anywhere. "I feel responsible so I'm staying," I said firmly, trying to give it an air of finality. 

"Visiting hours are over soon," Izaya informed me, he leaned back further on the uncomfortable headboard. 

"I don't care I'll just hide behind the curtain," I said brashly to which Izaya laughed. 

______________

I spent the day, ducking in and out of Izaya's room, feeling awkward and getting teased by Izaya too much if I stayed long. I would go on short walks, getting food or sitting somewhere outside, away from the flea and questioning my life choices. Why was I here? Was it really for my morals and sense of responsibility? I looked down at my phone screen, it was eight in the evening. Visiting hours were over by half past. I needed to make it back and hide behind that damn flimsy curtain already because if the assailant was going to come, they were going to come at night.

I was suprised that no one else came to visit Izayq, I mean the guy was hated but he had family, twin sisters and a handful of friends. This was a huge injury, he could've died yet all he had was me who could barely talk to him. He didn't seem upset though, carelessly smiling and laughing at me. It almost made me feel sorry for him, almost. I entered back into Izaya's room, to find him rapidly typing on his phone, concentrating on his display screen. 

"Up to no good?"I commented. 

"When am I not?" At least he was honest. 

It was almost humiliating to hide behind the curtain, as a nurse arrived into the room. I could hear the nurse and Izaya engaged in a light conversation as she checked up on him, Izaya letting the full force of his charm out and having the nurse fawn over him. So he wasn't only flirty to me? No flirty wasn't the word, what the fuck Shizuo? Teasing, yes teasing. 

"It looks like it'll be a cold night, I'll get you an extra blanket Orihara san," the nurse giggled. Oh just leave already. How the nurse hadn't spotted me so obviously behind the curtain was beyond me. Perhaps she was too captivated by Izaya's shameless flirting. It made my blood boil. When the nurse finally left, I exhaled with relief, getting out from behind the curtain. Izaya laughed quietly at my sour expression, spreading the extra blanket over him.

"Shizu chan are you really gonna stand there for over twelve hours?" Izaya questioned, gazing at me.

"I've no choice. Damn hospital didn't provide a seat here."

"You're welcome to join me in my bed. There's plenty of room," Izaya offered, lips twitching at the sides to contain his amusement at the sudden red hue of my cheeks.

"Funny. I'm good, thanks," I gritted out.

And I was good for a few hours, sitting on the cold hard floor, with my legs crossed. My phone was the only form of entertainment to me besides Izaya piping up sometimes to talk. By the time it had turned eleven, my muscles and aching body were screaming. The temperature had dropped particularly low in the night and I was freezing. I needed warmth. I needed my bed.

"Oh what the hell," I muttered to myself, joints popping as I stood up. Two guys in the same bed didn't mean anything, even if it was a single bed. The key word here was it was a large single bed and I hated the guy, despised him to his core but I was turning into an icicle, sitting here. 

The springs dipped slightly as I climbed onto the side of the bed and Izaya made a noise of confusion, turning around to face me with wide eyes.

"Move over," I hissed, laying down, relishing in the bliss of heat in the bed. I was lucky Izaya was a skinny prick and I could just about fit in the bed. Izaya shivered slightly due to the coldness I had brought and it made me realise just how close we were on this single bed. Limbs and body pressing softly. Izaya had tensed completely, I could feel his body go rigid against me and it made me doubt all the bravado he possessed when he invited me to the bed. I wasn't used to human warmth but if I wasn't used to it, Izaya had completely no experience besides that stalker guy. Fuck. I was just getting angry again. I noticed Izaya's body relaxing, easing to calmness suddenly as if he had flicked a switch to change his body's behavior. Izaya shifted further to to the side of the bed to allow me more room.

"You're just gonna get in bed with me outta nowhere?" Izaya smirked, I could see the light sparkling in his eyes mischievously as I became flustered at that one sentence. 

"I was cold," I complained, trying to put a bit of space between us and nearly falling off the bed. Uncomfortably awkward was an understatement. 

"Stop squirming. Relax," Izaya said sleepily, placing his arm lightly on my side causing me to freeze completely. It sounded rich coming from him, when a minute ago he had stiffened to a statue with contact. When I didn't move, he let that arm stay loosely draped on my side and closed his eyes. I was barely breathing. Was I cuddling with the fucking flea? No no no. This was pitiful. No his arm was merely on me, it didn't need to be a big deal. I needed to stop having a freak attack at everything. Sure he was too close for comfort, sure I could feel his burning hand on my side and breathing on my face but I had to bear with it for one night.

I looked at the flea, he was asleep by now,expression calm. He almost looked like an innocent human, not the bastard he actually was. Hair spilling over his face, eyes a bruised purple and breathing slowly. Izaya was right, I needed to stop moving, to avoid hurting his injury. I swallowed my pride, as my eyelids clamped shut. The contact and Izaya smell, feeling almost homely. I wasn't accustomed to the feeling of sleeping next to someone. The cocoon of warmth and Izaya that I was encased in felt reassuring to my sleep deprived mind and soon I was asleep, trying not to think too hard on the position I was in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll have to wait till chapter 19 for even a halfway decent chapter oops  
> I shall update again in a couple days but no promises as my birthday is coming up
> 
> I can't get this song "jacked up" by Weezer out of my bloody head but I feel like it suits pining Izaya (if you can't tell Izaya has it bad but won't voice it) but anyway I feel like it's a suitable song for this chapter


	13. A Favourite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm very thankful Shizu chan," Izaya said, eyes bright and suddenly mischievous, lips grinning I had one second of feeling alarmed before he was leaning forward in one motion to wrap his arms around my frame. He was on his knees and I was crouched down, giving him a height advantage for once and causing him to force my face to squish against his chest.

I jerked awake, my eyes opening and darting around frantically feeling a sense of urgency that I couldn't put a reason behind. I relaxed when I spotted Izaya sitting up on the bed beside me. I blinked blearily at him. I hadn't meant to sleep like dead weight, after all I was supposed to be watching over Izaya but there was had been no disturbance in the room, just the warm lull of breathing beside me.

"You wake up to me moving away from you but don't wake up to voices earlier," Izaya noted, his voice thick from sleep. He was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"What someone came? Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked, voice echoing in the quiet of the morning. My brain rushed to alertness and to gain a grip of my thoughts. His offender had come? What was even going on? How had I not noticed? It was too early for confusion, my body wasn't even properly awake yet. 

"Yeah we had an interesting conversation, then they left," Izaya answered, laughing breathlessly.

"Who was it?" I inquired my brows furrowing in curiosity.  I was tired, I could tell it was early in the morning, and my neck had a creak due to the uncomfortable hospital bed but at least I was warm. 

"It doesn't matter, you don't need to know."

"Why can't I know?" I asked, feeling an unnecessary anger course through my veins. I shot upright to be more level with Izaya and pressed into his personal space in the already tiny bed. It infuriated me to have stuck my neck out for Izaya and then to be kept in the dark about the situation. 

"You won't understand it, it has nothing to do with you." Izaya doesn't even look fazed by my aggression, expression smoothed to his poker face. How does he answer crucial affairs so calmly?

"And this person did nothing to you last night?" I managed to choke out. This seemed to be getting stranger and stranger. 

"Well once they seen you wrapped up to me, they didn't do anything," Izaya smiled smugly, looking down on me. I blanched away from our proximity, turning to face the front rather than facing Izaya. 

Oh fuck. Embarrassment wasn't even the word for this.They had seen Izaya and I in that position. In my half slept state of mind last night, I was pretty certain we had gotten into an even closer and intimate position as the night progressed and our awareness dwindled down with sleep. Fuck. However, at least I was reassured that me forcing myself to stay here, squished against Izaya hadn't been a wasted affair. It had actually worked to get rid of the assailant. 

"What time is it?" I asked abruptly. Where on earth was my phone?

"Six in the morning," Izaya replied, causing me to slump back onto the headboard. 

"It's way too early," I complained, considering falling back to sleep or simply going home to my bed. 

"Yeah perfect timing for me to slip away from the hospital."

I fixed Izaya with my most disapproving stare. "You are not leaving here in that state," I glared. I swear, the guy gave me a headache.

Izaya merely flipped the covers off him and stood up, leaving behind a gaping coldness. I shivered and pulled the sheets closer against my frame and watch Izaya with mild anger. He was in the usual hospital attire. Uncomfortable looking, loose, light blue shirt and shorts, I found myself fixating on the back of his milky white thighs as he stretched with a soft groan. The pale expanse of skin was near flawless, smooth and almost porcelain like, it was beyond irritating. I caught myself staring and quickly shifted my eyes away. What the hell. Why did the flea have such pretty skin? Almost resembling a girl's. 

"I need to get home and to my laptop. It could be ages till I'm discharged, I'd rather recover at home." 

It took me a while to realise he was talking to me about my earlier comment. I clenched my jaw,  still slumped on the bed and decided to get up myself when I seen Izaya pulling on his shoes and wincing at the stress it put on his stomach. 

"Do you even fucking have cab fare?"  I questioned, smoothing down my crumpled from the bed clothes. 

"I'll take the bus when it runs at eight or try something," Izaya mused almost to himself. 

I exhaled a short burst of air. It was more like I was his babysitter rather than bodyguard.

"Seriously dude stay." I tried again. 

"No," Izaya said stubbornly, his feet were edging towards the door out of the room.

Since I was here, there was no point in doing a half assed job was there?  
"Fine. I'll get a taxi with you," I gave in, sighing, trying to reel in my irritation so early in the morning. I tried not to listen to that taunting voice at the back of my head who was questioning why I was looking out for the flea, who I detested so much. This was beginning to lack sense but getting hungover that voice only made my head spin with confusion. 

____________

Izaya shot straight to his office room when we entered his apartment which left me, stood in the hallway, to scratch the back of my head feeling a mixture of bewilderment and irritation. Right, Shizuo, you just have to make sure he's okay and feeds himself and you can catch the noon bus home. That was fine, I had work at one, I could make all this fall into place. This whole situation wasn't as absurd and irrational as it seemed. Inhaling deeply, I set off for Izaya's office and walked right in.

"You've done more than enough Shizu chan, go home," Izaya said, not flicking his eyes up from the monitor that he had so quickly turned on. Just how in love was he with his job? To causing disputes and meddling in other people's affairs? 

"I'm not leaving till you eat and I evaluate your condition to be okay," I huffed, a mild sense of agitation seeping into me due to the flea not even glancing in my direction to reply. Did he not know how to hold a proper conversation? He should be focusing on me.

Izaya made a small annoyed noise and it caused my anger to spark up. I'm the one who should be fucking annoyed, did he really assume I desired to babysit his ass? It was out of a sense of duty, once I start a task I had to complete it or I'll feel that burning of failure.

"Fine let's go have breakfast. I'm sorry Shizu chan, you must be hungry," Izaya sighed softly, causing my anger to disperse completely. He sounded tired and sincere, it made my expression soften just a little. 

"Alright, cause I can't handle a kitchen for shit," I said, flashing him a genuine smile and catching myself off guard with it, along with Izaya, who paused for a moment and returned it, in a much brighter Izaya fashion. His lips curving on a smile that would look awkward to my facial expression. It caused my heart to stop for a second and made me turn around rigidly and walk my way to the kitchen, hoping Izaya was behind me but feeling too mortified to check.

"You're making an injured person cook, tut tut Shizu chan," Izaya teased,head hidden as he rooted through his fridge and coming out with eggs and butter. Jesus a guy should not look so elegant when they are curved over like that.

"Omelette sound good?" he asked, blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes. He looked ridiculous, standing in the middle of his kitchen, still clad in his hospital attire because he was too impatient to get to his beloved computer.

"Yeah fine," I answered. I guessed the least I could do was make Izaya some coffee and claim a glass of milk to myself. I got to work as Izaya cracked a few eggs and started his miracle cooking. I knew frying a few eggs wasn't exactly complicated but I was the human metaphorical form of a catastrophe in the kitchen.

We sat on the dining room table and my mind flashed back to the last breakfast I had here. I was growing too familiar to the presence of the flea, too accustomed to his cooking, his coppery smell which didn't cause my nostrils to flare anymore and his living quarters. This familiarity just wasn't right. It made me feel a strong sense of foreboding and discomfort. 

I nearly moaned when I consumed the food, the eggs just the perfect texture and flavour. Izaya matched my pace for the first time, when eating, eager to get back to his work and I could only eye him wearily hoping he didn't choke on the damn food. 

"Thanks for everything,"Izaya flashed a smile to me, chair scraping the floor as he moved back and made a literal dash back to his office room. I could only guess he assumed I'd go home after eating my food. I chewed slowly, savouring the last morsel of the omelette, when a thought occurred to me. Just like the flea he was, he had fled from the hospital but who the hell was going to change his bandages and make sure everything was alright? Looked like this feeling of irritation wouldn't abandon me today. 

Exasperation polluted my senses as I dragged myself back into Izaya's office room.

"Oi when do your bandages have to be changed and who's changing them?" I demanded, looking at Izaya who was bizarrely sitting on his office floor, with files in his hands. Just how weird was the guy?

"Today and I'll call Shinra." He answered shortly.

I crouched down in front of Izaya, impatience saturating my being. I just wanted to get home already. 

"Shinra and Celty are on a few days trip in another town, you idiot," I said slowly. 

Izaya glanced at me, expression clearing in understanding as I told him this information. At least the flea wasn't stupid.

"Oh crap.  I'll just do it myself," Izaya said carelessly.

"No. You'll end up making a mess.  Where is your first aid kit?" I growled. 

"Why? Are you gonna kiss away the pain Shizu chan?" Izaya laughed abruptly. I swear I will never grow accustomed to Izaya's suggestive teasing. 

"No I'm going to change your bandages so show a sense of gratitude," I retorted, knowing the colour crimson already dusted my cheeks.

"I'm very thankful Shizu chan," Izaya said, eyes bright and suddenly mischievous, lips grinning I had one second of feeling alarmed before he was leaning forward in one motion to wrap his arms around my frame. He was on his knees and I was crouched down, giving him a height advantage for once and causing him to force my face to squish against his chest. 

"What the fuck," I said angrily, voice muffled against the material of the hospital clothing. This time my body reacted to move back and shove the flea off me because what this warm embrace was bringing was a dizzying confusion. I panicked when I seen the pain on Izaya's features. I must've jabbed his injury and quickly caught him by the shoulders before he fell backwards from the impact of my push.

"Jeez Shizu chan no need to react so strongly, I was just conveying my gratitude," Izaya complained, sucking in a sharp breath from the pain. 

"No need to be so personal with your gratitude," I voiced gruffly, watching his expression anxiously, hoping I hadn't hurt him much. I brushed my hands on his shoulders without much tgought but caught myself and quickly lifted my hands off his shoulder and let them fall awkwardly to my side.

Izaya looked at me for a minute, making me feel oddly exposed and the quietness of his voice in his next sentences surprised me. "But no one has taken care of me like this before. I am grateful even if you are a little rough with your care and the aura of your anger radiates off you. To me, it has been perfect." 

I wanted to run away, to hide my face and flee. The idiot could admit such embarrassing things in a calm voice and straight face, reducing me to a puzzled mess. I hadn't even done much, it was him cooking for me or calming me down on the bed beside him last night.

"I get it.  Now tell me where I can find the first aid kit," I gritted out, not able to maintain eye contact. 

"First cupboard, top shelf, in the kitchen," Izaya directed. He resumed to lift up an abandoned folder from the floor and now it was my turn to hurry out of the office in search of the first aid kit. I breathed deeply, trying to collect myself as I opened the cupboard. Pull yourself together Shizuo, I know you're always weak kneed to a few sentimental words but this was pitiful , he's just playing with you. I just had to go back in to bandage him up and I was free. I grabbed the first aid kit from the top shelf and shuffled back for the god knows many times into the office, again the flea was immersed in his work, eyes carefully evaluating every line.

I sat down in front of him and the incredibly daunting thought of asking Izaya to take off his shirt made me feel embarrassed. Sensing my presence, Izaya lifted up his shirt in one swift movement and pulled it over his head. 

"Make one sexual comment, I'll kill you," I warned seriously, opening the first aid kit beside me and examining the contents. It was a standard kit and I easily located the rolls of bandages, cotton, scissors and taping.

"I'm enjoying you just being flustered at doing the task," Izaya chuckled.   

I shot him my dirtiest look and my hands worked to slowly cut away the bandages wrapped around his stomach. I'll admit, my hands were shaking slightly, little tremors worked their way up my fingers and I didn't know how much of that was down to the pressure of the task or Izaya staring at me intently or maybe his innuendos and little speech really did affect me a lot. I peeled off the bandages and breathed in sharply at the angry puckered, red line of the cut, stitches crisscrossed along it. It looked excruciating. I myself have been stabbed before but them stabbings barely penetrated my skin. Izaya's abs tensed a little as my hand grazed the wound gently. I didn't know if I should rub some sort of cream on it and decided not to risk it. I placed the cotton pad on the wound and started wrapping the bandages, to secure it in place.

"And you're still not gonna tell me who did this?" I asked Izaya, glancing at him to gauge if he was hurting or not. He looked unaffected but I could feel the tenseness of his body beneath my fingertips.

"No, it's a big issue. I don't want you involved," he said, staring down at the bandaging. This just made me more curious and impatient.

"You are so frustrating," I complained, taping the bandage in place. My face was beginning to feel warm, everything was beginning to feel too warm and I was glad to be done this task.

"There," I grunted, feeling a surge of self satisfaction at the decent bandaging job I had done. 

"Thanks."

Now I just felt awkward, sitting across a topless Izaya, who was all pale smooth skin and sharp collarbones and small waist that I could probably wrap one arm around and with that disturbing thought, I decided to heave myself up from the ground.

"I'm gonna catch the bus back, I've work soon," I called over my shoulder at Izaya and started making my way to the front door. A sense of relief washed over me to finally be able to leave Izaya. I heard footsteps following behind me. Oh so he was finally leaving that office for a minute to see me off? How unusual. 

"Shizu chan, it's my birthday next Sunday. Do you want to come over for some cake since you like my cooking so much."

What. Had he just asked me that? I ceased my walking to turn around and fix Izaya with the most incredulous look I could muster.

"You are inviting me to your birthday?" I questioned, pronouncing each syllable slowly.

Izaya gazed back at me levelly and stood in front of me, lips tilted up slightly.

"Well yes."

"What are you plotting? We aren't exactly on the best of terms. Are you honestly asking me this?" I said skeptically, my eyebrows drawing together. I was completely unconvinced. What the hell was he springing up on me?

"I thought we were getting close. You running your hands over my naked body and sleeping with me and all-" I cut Izaya off by darting forward and slapping my hand over his mouth, face flushed and feeling annoyed. He was trying to say something around my hand, his sounds muffled.

"Do you want to get strangled?" I asked furiously, voice in a shamefully higher tone. I removed my hand off his mouth because I couldn't stand those eyes gazing up at me full of amusement and mirth and the incoherent noises my hands were suppressing. 

"Actually kinda miss our fights Shizuo chan. Wait till I'm healed though," Izaya grinned, voice comprehensible and loud. 

"Oh you won't be missing them soon," I said, with a clenched jaw.

"So will you come?" 

I had completely forgotten the offer in the chaos of Izaya's innuendos and I hesitated not wanting to hurt Izaya's feelings. Wait no, what was I thinking, I didn't care for his feelings. Of course I had to refuse, Izaya and I were only connected by hatred and as tempting as Izaya's cake sounded, I had to say no. 

"If you must know, I'm extending this invitation because I prefer us like this. Isn't this more pleasant Shizu chan? Plus I'm asking because you're my favourite monster. No ulterior motives and you know I don't lie," Izaya sighed.

My heart should not have stuttered at that statement. What was all the crap he was spewing today? Favourite monster to mess around with more like. 

"Whatever, I'll text you if I can," I lied, ducking out out of the apartment, to avoid Izaya from getting another peek at my reddened cheeks. Yes this was much more pleasant but this newfound companionship only served to confuse me all the time. In the end Izaya still managed to cause a headache to throb irritation down my skull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have a mess of dialogue, I managed to edit 600 extra words to the original chapter, I think I just like writing gay crisis Shizuo


	14. A Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My jumbled thoughts exhausted me, colliding against each other and demanding answers.

After work, I crashed onto my bed, fatigue consuming me. It had been a long day with the Izaya crap, along with a lack of sleep and work. My mental state didn't seem to be in the best condition either. Even when I was laying in bed, my warm blanket feeling like a soft embrace and the mattress of the bed, soothing my overworked muscles, I couldn't force the thoughts that were rotating wildly around my head to stop. At work they had seemed like incessant but dull mutterings because my concentration was on my job, now in the confines of my own bed, when my guard was down, with nothing distracting me, my jumbled thoughts exhausted me, colliding against each other and demanding answers.

I flipped over onto my side, feeling restless and irritated. There was pent up energy within me but I was tired, my eyelids were throbbing mildly for sleep, yet my overactive mind would not show mercy. I sealed my eyes shut, rubbing the bridge of my nose. Izaya I should not have let you in so much. I had ended up confusing myself, perplexed by our disconcerting, sudden closeness and it had made me somehow forget about our enmity but this wasn't good. I should stay true to the roots of my anger. He was a good for nothing swindling flea and if I didn't maintain my distance, these thoughts would end up eating me up and he'd fuck me over somehow. He had already framed me for a crime, causing me to go to jail last year. He tormented me for the majority of my teenage and adult life. He was capable of anything. That's why I had detested him. Don't keep that in the past tense Shizuo, you despise him. 

However, I couldn't get these thoughts out of my mind. I myself couldn't put my finger on them. What did I want? What was this feeling? It was the only thing I couldn't answer properly because it was clouded, puzzling, polluting my mind. Did I feel connected to the damn flea? Did I..perhaps enjoy his company. I flopped onto my back, opening my eyes with surprise at that single thought. I stared at the ceiling, glaring at the light and the small crack that spread from it. I couldn't deny the thought could I? And what was up with him today? His stupid speech, the curve of his lips, his invitation, everything about him annoyed me. It was..what was it to me? The word the flea would use would definitely be enticing but I wanted blotch that out. Why did he ask me over for something as innocent as a birthday? Why me of all people? My heart raced a little, favourite monster huh? Was that even special?

I was sure though he could've invited anyone, so why me? My mind reflected back to the hospital, no one had come to see him. If no one visited the guy when he was at death's door, would anyone be there for his birthday? Shinra was out of town, his family didn't seemed to care. No Shizuo, you are not feeling bad for him. A memory, a hazy, high school memory was trying to come to the surface of my mind, it was dim but recalling it became easier as I concentrated harder. 

|Flashback|

I was sweating. Perspiration soaking my gym gear and causing that disgusting sticky feeling. My feet stomped down the school halls, making my way to homeroom so I could grab my pencil case that I had forgotten and drag myself home. I was operating on a high, endorphin coursing through my body and this accomplished feeling was from track practice. I was on the track team and I thoroughly enjoyed the club,loving the burst of adrenaline, wanting an excuse to exert myself and release my pent up frustration plus it seemed to be the only thing I excelled at. It wasn't a team sport, a solitary thing which I was used to. I had tried team sports but the fear people had for me made me alienated, therefore, track was ideal for me and a few of the members gradually grew to be aquintances, well I at least respected a handful of them. Practice had just wrapped up and the winter sky was already darkening. I rushed up the steps and darted to my homeroom, the familiar door was in my view but something caught the corner of my eyes. I turned towards the door of the classroom, opposite my homeroom. It was the homeroom of class 2-A and I walked closer to look through the small panel of glass on the door. My good mood dissipated immediately when I recognised the figure sat, slumped at a desk. That fucking flea. Anger flooded my senses. Looked like I hadn't wasted all my energy at practice today, my hands twitched to go pound the flea and my lips pulled over my teeth in a grin full of malice. Just yesterday, two men from a gang had come to shake me up, guns and all and when I had beaten them, they had spat out Izaya's name. I had to get revenge on that bastard for setting them on me. That flea never fucking left me alone. 

My hands shook with anger as they floated over the handle but before I could fling the door open, I became aware of Izaya's expression. He looked....upset. The familiar smug, cocky expression that always never failed to grace his features was gone. I paused. This was weird. Did the flea have actual emotions? He was staring intently at a poorly wrapped present on his desk, hauntingly empty eyes that I remember thinking didn't suit a high school pupil. Suddenly he lifted up the present and aggressively threw it in the bin, in one short movement, breathing heavily. I was stunned, still leaning against the door, wanting to go in and destroy him but fascinated by the display. He ran both hands over his head in irritation.

"Shizuo?"

I turned abruptly, too engrossed by the scene to notice Shinra was behind me. Shinra followed my line of vision to the irate Izaya, in the classroom.

"I'm gonna request you not to try fight him today," Shinra sighed. 

"Why?" I asked, a mixture of curiosity and anger present in my tone. 

"It's his birthday, leave him be," Shinra pleaded, looking at me with them damn puppy eyes that he had perfected over the year. He was a cunning high schooler who was the smartest kid I knew.

"No one looks that depressed on their birthday," I said harshly.

"Not everyone can have good birthdays."

I was shocked by the honesty in his voice. What was so tough about Izaya's life? He fed off people's happiness enough.

Suddenly the door opened and Izaya came out. He looked between Shinra and I and I was taken aback by his expression. He glowered at me, hostility dominating his features and it was a challenge as if to try him today. Stunned, my body couldn't react. I was accustomed to Izaya's smirk that he always greeted me with. For some reason, I wasn't fond of this change, it made me uneasy. He walked by us brusquely and Shinra ran after him, trying to keep up and saying something I couldn't make out. I merely retrieved my pencil case and walked home, trying to shake off this feeling. A few days later, Izaya reverted back to normality making me forget that day. 

|End of flashback|

I sat up on my bed, I hadn't wanted to remember that day. It made me feel horrible suddenly and I wanted to go. I wanted to fucking go and accompany that stupid flea on his birthday and sure it made me confused and disgusted in myself but I felt sick to think Izaya might have that expression again on Sunday, all alone. In retrospect, that present had probably been from that stalker guy. Again my being was burning with fire thinking of that guy and Izaya. How had I not noticed this in highschool? 

My hand grabbed my phone from my bed side table. I went into my contacts and my fingertips lingered over Izaya's number. I paused and ended up dialing up kasuka, my brother instead.

"Shizuo nii san?"

I breathed in deeply, I was gonna ask my younger brother for advice and I knew that was pitiful but in our relationship, Kasuka always seemed more mature, more level headed.

"I want advice," I cut straight to the point.

"Yes?" His tone was the usual monotonous and I could hear background noises, he must be at a filming set.

"What do you do when you start enjoying the company of someone you hate?" I asked hesitantly.

"Is this for a girl?" Kasuka asked and he almost sounded eager. My seemingly emotion dead brother sounding near excited was the strangest thing to me but that little inkling of emotion meant a lot, I knew Kasuka could be just as expressive as any other human being, you just had to be able to read him.

"No," I replied angrily, blushing furiously.

"Because I know all about that nii san, I'm starring in a love/hate story right now and they say there's a fine line between love and hate."

I groaned down the phone, he was not helping at all with the ridiculous shit he was saying with probably the most impassive expression on his face. The flea wasn't a damn crush. 

"What I'm saying is, don't hold on to your hate so much,let things go."

I could grin at that now, that made sense. I felt a tension lift off of me from them simple words. A conclusion that I shouldn't have struggled to come to this badly.

"Thanks Kasuka."

I ended the call and again my fingers drifted over Izaya's contact number. I typed up a short message and clicked send.

'I'll be there.'

A few minutes later, my phone went off and I checked it with an embarrassing speed. I was disappointed with the short reply but was smiling with the anticipation for Sunday. I looked at the message again.

'Can't wait.'

I was sick of worrying over the complications of all this, I was through with it. To hell with it, I was gonna stop this and enjoy this Sunday because I couldn't deny that I wanted to go any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unexciting but development of feelings really and Shizuo's confusion   
> Update coming more towards the weekend and it's more eventful.


	15. A Wish

I knocked on Izaya's door, the impact of my knuckles lacking it's usual strength. Why was I nervous? I combed my hair through with one hand and then smoothed it down, my other hand contained a hastily wrapped present. Looked like Izaya was stuck with guys who needed to brush up on their gift wrapping skills. I shook my head, annoyed at my choice in words, I sounded like I was referring to me as one of Izaya's 'guys.' Gross. I hadn't gotten him anything particularly flashy, it was only bought because the customary thing to do was purchase a gift for someone's birthday. It was a stupid cologne set that smelled of Izaya and I assumed that was his regular cologne, which in reflection made me look a bit creepy. I huffed out a breath, I was overthinking again. I didn't know why nausea swirled within the pits of my stomach rather than the familiar anger that came with Izaya. This was stupid 

The door sprang open and my vision was filled with Izaya. It was the first time I had gotten to see him in the past six days and he had vastly improved. His skin was rid of that deathly pallor, the spark was burning with amusement as per usual in his eyes and he held himself more firmly.   
Before Izaya could get out a greeting, I walked past him, shoving the present haphazardly to his chest and walking into the hallway. My skin was pickling with awareness and I didn't know what to do with myself. 

Seeing him stirred something within me and I wasn't completely ready to be teased just yet. 

"Happy birthday," I called gruffly over my shoulder, I slipped off my boots and started making my way into the kitchen slash living room.

"Oi slow down," I felt a tugging at my elbow and I jolted with the contact. I turned around to Izaya, finally locking eyes in the form of a glare that I only reserved especially for the flea. 

Izaya smiled up at me, his grin almost turning lopsided. "Thank you for this," he said, waving the present in the space between us. That expression of contentment was disgusting. 

"If you're going to hug me or something over your thanks, I'm warning you I won't hold back, even if it's your birthday," I rolled my eyes, pulling my elbow free of Izaya and continuing on my route to the sitting room with Izaya behind me.

"I get it, I get it. Shizu chan is sensitive," Izaya taunted from behind causing a vein to throb dangerously on my forehead. 

I forgot my mild irritation when I spotted the cake on the kitchen counter and I advanced towards it, in a trance. Chocolate cake. It looked so soft and fluffy, icing delicately writing a 'Happy 24th Birthday.' Intricate flowers dotted the edges of the cake and I chuckled when I noticed the miniature knife designs incorporated with the flowers. This was so Izaya. 

"Twenty four huh? I thought you were turning twenty three, you're five months older than me," I commented, still happily viewing the cake. 

"Jeez pay more attention to the cake than me Shizu chan and don't remind me of my impending doom of old age," Izaya sighed.

I turned to him, managing a weak smile. "You're acting as if we're old men. You haven't changed a bit since highschool flea." 

"What I don't look like an adult?" He was aiming for a teasing lilt but the tightening of his expression failed to execute the lighthearteness he was going for. I knew Izaya liked to play with life and death, I knew he ran on rampages revolving around morality and I also knew that he had some form of fear for death. It caused some strange sort of aching to seize my chest but I found myself fidgeting with my sleeve instead and clearing my throat to change the topic at hand, that was obviously making Izaya uncomfortable. Since when was I so accommodating towards the flea?

"How's the injury?" I asked, my view lowered to his torso. 

"Why, wanna check Shizu chan?" Izaya blinked at me innocently, voice lowering to flirtatious and at his element again and his lips twitched into that annoying smirk. 

"Don't start. Or I'll make your face not look like an adult," I growled. The teasing had began and I couldn't stand the satisfactory grin lighting up the flea's expression every time he managed to elicit a reaction from me, in the form of my betraying red cheeks or my struggle with speech. 

"That doesn't make any sense," Izaya huffed a laugh. His hair fell slightly over his eyes as his body shook from laughter and he brushed the strands out of the way, he was definitely due a haircut.

"Shut up. Can we cut the damn cake? I wanna sit down," I complained, trying again to switch the subject.

"Yeah, yeah."

Izaya opened his kitchen drawer and retrieved a knife. My eyes followed his actions wearily, the things the guy could do with a knife. I had to acknowledge he was truly skilled in that department, which made me wonder where he had picked those skills up. 

"Do not expect me to sing happy birthday," I warned, watching him about to cut the cake in anticipation. 

"It's fine. I'm just happy you're here. It's like a wish come true," He didn't lift his eyes from the task of cutting the cake, which I was grateful for because my breathing did that thing where my lungs or brain didn't respond.. and I just didn't breathe for a couple of seconds. I couldn't regret coming, he had admitted he was happy even if he was teasing, no one else had seemed to come here on his birthday. No one had ever outright said they were happy to be in my presence before. I found that I could match Izaya's happiness today, with a little of my own from that one sentence.

Izaya cut up a generous portion of cake for one plate and a more standard sized slice for another plate and I could easily guess which one belonged to me. Without exchanging words, we mutually came to the decision of eating on the couch. I sat myself down, plate of cake on my lap and impatiently waited for Izaya to start eating but no the idiot was too busy ravaging apart my beautifully wrapped present. 

"I was in need of this, it's what I usually use," Izaya said flashing me a genuine smile, it was so open I had to try not to let my shock display. 

"Knew that was the one," I grunted, giving up on waiting for Izaya and digging into the cake. Sweetness exploded in my mouth and my being thrummed pleasantly. The taste was beyond explanation, it was simply delicious.

"How did you know, have you been sniffing me? I didn't think you had such hobbies Shizu chan," the teasing undertone returned to his voice and I nearly choked on the cake.

"Anyone who has the unfortunate displeasure of meeting you can know that information, you reek of it," I spat out, trying to compose myself.

"Anyway, I'm curious. I thought I knew you okay in high school but where on earth did you pick up these cooking and knife skills?" I asked with honest interest, it felt odd asking such questions, in the past I had been curious of so many things about the flea but I couldn't voice them. The overwhelming anger used to dominate our usual interactions.

Izaya chewed on his cake for a moment. "Knew me okay? Oh yes I grew very much acquainted to the poles and vending machines you threw my way," he said sarcastically and I could only join in his laughter because it was undoubtedly true.

"I lived alone, hence cooking skills. I was in a gang in high school and picked up the knife skills," Izaya explained nonchalantly, as if it was normal to be in a fucking gang at high school age. He switched on the TV in front of us for some background noise. 

I paused trying to process that all for a moment. Why didn't he live with his family back then? There was so much of Izaya I just didn't know. Peel back a mystery and you will find him, tightly wrapped in another. A sudden realisation struck me.

"Hey, you weren't in that gang where each member carried like five knives in high school right..?" I questioned, outraged. That gang had always been on my back in high school.

"The leader actually listened to me when I told him to target you," Izaya laughed, with no shame. 

"Are you trying to make me throttle you on your birthday?" I gritted out, feeling aggravated.

"Shizu chan you can't look intimidating with chocolate cake around your mouth," Izaya chuckled, unfazed by my threats.

I self consciously rubbed at my mouth, damn why did I still eat like a child? I placed the plate on the table, sending it an accusing glare. 

"You missed a bit Shizu chan," Izaya said and abruptly leaned in towards me, placing his palm on my cheek and stroking his thumb across the corner of my lip, leaving a trail of tingling warmth behind. My face heated up and breathing hitched slightly in reaction to this movement, the damn flea always invaded my personal space. I jerked my head back because Izaya was looking into my eyes with an unreadable expression and he hadn't removed the hand from my cheek. 

An awkward atmosphere settled over us as we looked at each other, with Izaya's hand still in the air, between us. What the fuck was going on? Why was he looking at me so intently? Why was tension straining within me? I flushed and shifted my gaze downwards but started looking up when I heard Izaya mutter "To hell with it."

He stretched his hand out again, placing his fingertips beneath my chin and tilting my face towards him, his body was angled in my direction.

"Izay-" I was cut off by the sudden crash of the familiar lips pressed against mine. I made a choked strangled sound from the back of my throat. His cologne that I had grown accustomed to filled my senses. My mind blanked again, I could feel the sensation and warmth of Izaya's lips on mine. I could sense him positioning himself, to face me more and get closer. His hands that were cupping my cheeks trailed down my back and made me involuntarily shiver. Adrenaline was spiking into intensity within me and sparking to heat beneath my skin. He ran his tongue over my lips causing mine to part, our breathing mingled and he dipped his tongue into my mouth and licked into my mouth. I finally snapped back to my senses, when he bit on my lower lip and I had made a noise that sounded too heated. My body had unconsciously leaned into Izaya and I blinked rapidly, snapping away from the dizzying mess the kiss had reduced me to. 

"Get off," I said weakly, panting and struggling for air. I placed both hands on Izaya's shoulders and pushed him back. 

Izaya's back hit the arm of the couch behind him, he was also having trouble steadying his breath but looked up from beneath his bangs to quirk up an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?" he asked, his voice had gone so low and his eyes, they were clouded and it made me swallow more air down as heat curled in my stomach and coiled painfully. Again he hit me with that line and I was growing aware of how tight my jeans suddenly felt. No. What? I was not becoming hard from one swift kiss from a damn fucking flea. I wasn't even into men. What. The. Hell. 

Izaya cut the distance between us again and I couldn't even fend him off when his hands grabbed my face again but they froze on my cheeks. I noticed the disturbance too, a large noise had come from the entrance of the apartment, as if the door had been forced open. Izaya peeled his hands off my cheeks, taking the warmth that I had felt along with him and looked slightly alarmed. 

"What was that?" he questioned, drawing his eyebrows together.

Weak kneed, I pulled myself up from the couch. "Let's go see," I suggested, inhaling a shaky breath and avoiding eye contact. 

I walked out to the hallway, towards the source of the noise and was met by the view of three men, guns in hand, wearing sophisticated looking suits. I glared at them. What the actual fuck? Why were these fucks breaking down Izaya's door on his birthday with guns in hand. Izaya had made his way to my side, looking suprised.

"No one told me Heiwajima Shizuo would be here," the one with blond hair panicked and I could see it coming. From the hands inching towards the trigger of the gun.  
"Get down!" I roared, spinning to use my body to shield Izaya and push him to the floor. My body could easily take the impact of a gun shot but Izaya had a normal body, it was too fragile and would be destroyed from a knife and gun shot wound. The deafening sound of a shot echoed loudly over us and now I was furious, half my body covering Izaya on the floor. I propped myself onto my elbow over Izaya to look at him and make sure he was okay. This was not the time to be flustered. Adrenaline and anger were already pumping fast through my veins. 

"Are you okay?" I asked, scrutinising his face.

"Fine," the flea huffed, face straining, well I was heavy and lying bodily on his injury. 

I heard the footsteps of the men retreating, one of them shouting to escape because they couldn't deal with the Shizuo. That just fueled my anger and I stood up, shoving on my boots and sprinting after them. They had already gotten into the lift, jamming the button to shut the door, I missed opening the door by an inch and growled in frustration. Stairs it was. I was shaking with fury and jumped over the banister, landing noisily onto the second floor, my feet didn't register any impact, even though it had been such a large fall. Sometimes this body did come in handy. I repeated my action for the next story and soon I was on the ground floor. My senses had heightened drastically as my body prepared for a fight. They had to come and ruin Izaya's birthday, they had to try fucking shoot us. Why the hell were they even doing this? I'll show them that they're scum beneath my feet. My blind rage was trying to consume me, overtake me again and I was struggling to keep myself in check. 

However, as I ran outside, face greeted by a gust of wind, the men were already in their car, swiftly pulling out of the parking lot and driving away. I contemplated running after them, I had to sedate this thirst to hurt them after all but before I could come to a decision, I noticed Izaya stepping outside. He looked around, and walked straight to me.

I was trying to control myself, commanding my body to revert to normality. I knew I was trembling and i couldn't trust my voice just yet. Confusion and anger were pressing down heavily upon me and I wasn't even sure that was regarding the intrusion of those men.

"Calm down Shizu chan," came that soft voice. Lately, it was always Izaya trying to calm me down when I was going through my anger spurts.

"I'm going to go after them," I wildly swung my foot forth but was stopped by the hand gripping the back of my arm.

"What?" I gritted out, I swear if this flea touched me again, I aggressively tugged my hand away from Izaya not even caring when that action propelled Izaya forward, closer to me. I was about to sprout out some profanities when I noticed how serious Izaya looked, eyes hooded, lips in a thin line.

"Listen carefully Shizu chan. You'll go home now," he instructed, expression stoic. 

"What?" I repeated in disbelief.

"I can tell by the suits. They're the people who stabbed me, so you have to leave now."

"Fuck off. All the more reason for me to stay," I argued vehemently. The world was stilling around us, I found all my attention zeroing in on the expressions on Izaya's face, the movements of his body, the words that were taking shape on his lips.

But Izaya's face was closing off, displaying that expression that I hated on his face. He should be smiling widely at me with bright eyes not broody ones.

"I told you I don't want you involved. I'll call you later, now please listen to me for once," he ran his hands over his hair, making a stressed low sound.

"Oh you don't want me involved. Invite me to your birthday flea, kiss me like that but sure I'm not involved with anything to do with you," I had no idea what I was saying anymore, just giving my mouth the free reign to say whatever.

"Shizu chan. No one is going to come today, knowing you're here. Just go," and that voice killed a little part of me, it didn't sound like Izaya. He turned, his feet padding across the gravel to walk back into his apartment complex. I considered following after him but I knew he wouldn't let me stay with him, not with the way he was behaving right now and it frustrated me beyond measure. How dare them bastards ruin today? It was his fucking birthday, we had barely had an hour together. We were..we had I didn't even fucking know anymore. 

I started walking to the bus stop, my foot steps heavy matching the heavy pounding of my head aching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bleh 
> 
>  
> 
> Merry Christmas 


	16. A Concern

Our relationship never had a definite form. For years, it had been built on a figureless vision of festering hatred. Maybe the relationship had been smoothing out, developing, clearing to give a better image lately but the notion still stood that our relationship really had no foundation. So why was I sitting in a bar, swallowing down alcohol that burned the back of my throat on a fucking Monday evening? 

The damn flea hadn't kept his promise. He hadn't called me and it had been a whole day. A whole fucking day. I felt like I was going to go insane from my thoughts and worry. Anything could be happening and I hated losing control in this situation. Did he not care to let me know anything? Did he enjoy having a negative impact on my mental stability? The worst part was the repulsion I felt in myself for my concern towards that idiot.

I scowled at the wall in front of me and barely any of my friends approached me for conversation sensing the anger emitting from me, a warning to leave me alone.

Well all my friends except for Kadota, who sat himself on the stool of the bar beside me. Kadota and a couple of others had already been at the local bar when I had moodily strutted inside, not sparing anyone a single glance and aiming straight for drinks.

He fixed me with a very 'kadota' level look. It made me wonder about just what he had to deal with hanging out with Erika, Walker and Togusa. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, his eyes serious and giving me his undivided attention. He was such a good guy and all I could feel for him was respect but I didn't even know myself what was properly wrong. I just didn't know how to exercise, how to remove this excess anger that had taken hostage over my body ever since yesterday. It was strong, it was ominous, it weighed heavily upon my conscious. 

"Nothing," I mumbled, looking down at the table. I felt ashamed for not being able to communicate with a friend I treasured.

Kadota being the wise guy he was sensed my reservation and didn't push me further, that's what I liked about him. He just sat beside me, letting a content silence fall over us. My ears barely registered the buzz of noise floating around the bar I was too lost in my own troubles. 

Kadota broke that silence when I raised another glass of alcohol to my lips.

"Woah take it easy buddy," he warned, watching me sharply.

"It's okay," I tried to smile weakly at him but the reflection in his eyes of me showed a grimace twisting my lips. Who was I kidding? 

"Still be careful. I'm just gonna go talk to Walker for a second, hold on."

With Kadota at the other side of the bar, I didn't have anything to distract myself with and again I was drowning in my thoughts, my head feeling light due to the alcohol intake but I wasn't stupid. I wasn't gonna get drunk at a time like this, when he could be in deep trouble and needing me fully sober at a moments notice. I really was going insane from these thoughts and feelings. 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. If the flea wasn't going to bother calling me, then I was going to fucking call him. Perhaps my judgement was clouded due to the alcohol but I didn't care as I hit the call button. A frantic panic settled over me as the call went to the third ring. What would I do if he didn't answer? What if there was no voice to answer? What if he was fucking hurt? 

But my worry was for no reason because he picked up on my second attempt of calling him.

"What the fuck took you so long?" I yelled down the phone.

"Hello to you too Shizu chan." At least he sounded like his usual cheerful self...

"If you don't tell me what's going on I'm going to march back down to your house," I threatened. I leaned my elbow heavily on top of the table in front of me, trying to breathe normally. 

"I'm not home."

"What? Where are you?"

"Staying in a hotel. Do you think I'm stupid? Of course my house would be too dangerous," I could hear the amusement in his tone.

"Which hotel and room?" 

"I'm not saying. I've told you Shizu chan I don't want you involved."

"Fucking tell me you damn stupid flea," I cursed. I was filled with urgency, just to see a safe Izaya. Him withholding information from me didn't sit well with me. Our longterm enmity had to account for more than this, the past few weeks had to hold more credibility than this shunning.

I felt a hand on my back and I turned around to be met with Kadota's concerned face,  he had returned from the other side of the bar.

"Erika wants to go to karaoke, do you want to come to take your mind off things?" he questioned. He sounded resigned, obviously forced to attend. 

"Who's that?" the flea asked from the other end of the call. 

I paused, not knowing how to answer them both. I lifted up one finger to Kadota, motioning for him to give me a minute and he nodded back, shuffling away to strike a conversation with the bar man.

"Kadota," I answered.

"You sure hang around that guy a lot. He's quite popular, isn't he?" Did his voice change, a slight shift towards contempt maybe?

"He's a dear friend," I spat down the phone, still not in control of my temper. 

"What did he just say?" 

"What the fuck does that have to do with what I'm asking you? He just asked me to go out with him."

A silence ensued. "I'm at Mahoa hotel, room thirty two." I hadn't expected him to concede so easily, wow what had changed? 

"Well I'm coming," I informed him, not giving him a chance to respond before ending the call.

I stood up from the stool, placing money on the table. That hotel wasn't too far from here. At least if I went there I'd feel a sense of relief.

"Kadota, I'm gonna have to cut it short with you guys," I said, finding him near the exit. I swear, the guy had moved around the whole place in the space of an hour. 

He searched my face and I felt like I was under a microscope, I didn't know what was written on my face but whatever he found in my expression made understanding cross his features and he bade me a goodbye. 

_____________

I didn't know what was driving me, it was a combination of my emotions and worry wrapped together into an unpleasant mess with anxiety labelled on the bow on top. It was surprising how drama free my life had been with the lack of the flea before. I reached the hotel room, praying Izaya wasn't bluffing his location. My mind was screaming for answers as to why I was here. 

Shaking my head slightly, I raised a fist and on my first, somewhat light knock, the door fell open. What the hell. During such a precarious situation where one's life was in danger shouldn't they at least lock the fucking door? This said one was sat on the hotel bed, leaning against the headboard with a laptop on his lap. Did he seriously ever leave electronic devices alone? Some unidentified emotion rose within me when I spotted the flea and I pushed it aside not willing to deal with it. I wanted to punch something, anything because fuck I didn't want anything to do with Izaya. This was all so bewildering. My eyes surveyed the room briefly, it was a standard hotel room, furnished adequately to accommodate an individual. 

Izaya looked up from the laptop to gaze at me. I felt under incredible scrutiny just stood near the doorway. He seemed to be in decent condition. Why was I here again?

I crossed the room mechanically and sat myself on the foot of the bed. Now that I was finally here, I didn't know what to do. Where was my release of anger? Where was the solution I so craved? I wanted to sedate my frenzied mind but now here I sat, a mixture of apprehension and annoyance.

"You should've locked the door," I started,not looking at him. My being knew best to only argue with the flea, therefore I started on the familiar route.

"But I knew you were coming here Shizu chan. Why are you here anyway, should you not have gone out with the Dotachin?" Izaya asked, he placed his laptop on the bed beside him and sat up straighter, looking at me. 

"Do you expect me to blatantly ignore your situation?" I questioned with force, eyes locking with the burning eyes of the flea, I flexed my jaw in anger. Why was he all intensity? It should be me that was entitled to the anger. 

Izaya breathed out slowly, looking at the floral printed sheets of the bed, in the space between us. When he looked back up, the tension had disappeared from his face, replaced by an almost passive expression. I was taken aback by this transition, what was with his mood swings?

"I appreciate the concer-"

"I'm not worried. They involved me too when they shot at me also," I barked, feeling backed into a corner. I didn't want him to believe I was concerned for his well being, the notion itself was absurd, laced with a lack of logic. 

"Now do you want to tell me who it is that's aiming for you? If we worked together, we can destroy them completely within a few hours," I said, not really knowing where I was going with this.

"This isn't some amateur stalker this time Shizu chan," Izaya sighed, straightening his black, long sleeved top. Did the guy wear any colours? I thought I was bad. 

"Izaya will you just tell me?" I said shortly, stopping myself from pinching the bridge of my nose. I was sure the amount of times I called the flea Izaya could be counted by one hand, therefore I was shocked his name could slip so easily through my lips. It felt almost like a curse rupturing through my lips because it felt forbidden, something frowned upon but curses easily became habits.   
Izaya's lips curved, sparking my agitation and he shifted to sit closer to me. My whole body froze, tensing up, mind flashing back to the incident from yesterday evening.

Izaya must've been thinking along the same lines because the next few words that came out of his mouth made me feel as if I had been kicked in the stomach, rendering me useless.

"Can we cut the boring talk? I'm more interested in resuming yesterday's activity," he smiled a sly smile, pushing his fringe from his face but a few strands still fell back over his forehead. I was oddly mesmerised by this display. My heart started drumming erratically as I processed his sentence and appearance.

"I don't want to repeat whatever you pulled yesterday," I said, trying to sound firm. I fixated my eyes on the space behind Izaya's head. It's not as if I hadn't thought of the kiss yesterday, although my mind had been more focused on the events that followed after it, my mind still flashed back to that kiss, the sensation imprinting with a burn into my brain. I had pulled a pillow to my face and tried to think why he would do such a thing. It made me fume with anger and my face scrunch up with embarrassment and confusion. He had to have been playing with me again, though that kiss had felt different from the light incidents of the previous ones. Perhaps it was his twisted sense of gratitude again.

Izaya's eyes were glinting with amusement when I was able to look back into them. How could he so confidently bring up such an incident? Why was I feeling a pull towards the heat that was emanating from his body? 

"Stop denying it. It doesn't take a genius to know what a kiss means and yet you're still here, just within my grasp. There must be a reason."

I was at a loss and I knew it was written all across my face. I had no romantic attachment to Izaya, those kisses confused me yes but I wasn't fucking gay. I had been with girls all my life.

"I have no such tastes in men," I muttered, edging away from Izaya.

"Oh yeah?" the flea said in exasperation, I should be the bloody one who was growing impatient. He was steering conversation towards a territory I didn't want to be in. I felt as if I was trapped in a rapidly filling swimming pool, and the water was rising too high for me to swim in.

"Yes."

"Shizu chan cut the tsundere crap. You become a blushing bride around me. And you can't exactly fake or deny a boner," Izaya said, watching me struggling to put space between us, he was smiling wickedly and it made me feel sick. Sick to my stomach. I shouldn't have come here. Why did I even bother with the guy? As if on cue, my face coloured in embarrassment. Did he have to be so lewd about it? I was already ashamed by the event as it was.

I had thought of that too last night and there was a very logical reason in my mind. It felt like the temperature had risen a few degrees in the room, that's how hot it felt to be focused with such attention by them prompting eyes. I couldn't escape those eyes and I just sat there feeling uncomfortable and awkward.

"I haven't had sex in three months, I'm just sensitive down there, that's all," I said crudely, and I stopped trying to move away from the flea. Why should he make me run away? I had nothing to hide. Why should he make me feel threatened? I made a show to move back closer to the flea, our thighs almost touching and I kept my expression straight, even under that stare.

"Three months are you going for a record there?" Izaya said with bitter sarcasm, his body was too upright, too rigid, too tense.

"Why do you always refer back to my sex life and make me out to be a man whore. I know I've had a few partners in the past but still," my eyebrows drew together in irritation. He always had to mention how many girls I had been with. Maybe I was afraid of loneliness, maybe I wanted approval after being feared for my biology.

Everything about Izaya changed. His expression morphed from the laid back, smiling Izaya, enjoying questioning me and causing me distress to someone who's eyes flashed dangerously with an anger, an anger that I wasn't accustomed to. 

"Because all of fucking high school I watched you jump from one girl to another. It was fucking annoying as shit." It was the first time I had heard Izaya mutter such a long string of foul profanities and I was stunned.

"I-I was just going through a tough time," I stuttered, not enjoying the ferocity of the look I was being subjected to.

Izaya breathed out through his mouth, one quick gust, hand again in his hair, trying to tame the mop of hair.

"Let's just drop it," he said, quietly and I was grateful. So grateful because the direction this conversation was going towards made me uncomfortable, venturing towards murky waters and I didn't quite want to thread on such waters today. I was already stressed as it was and my brain was trying to formulate a coherent thought, Izaya sounded like..he had feelings, no. Why on earth would the flea have such a thing for me? I was pretty sure no one in the world could look at a monster that way, never mind my long term enemy. I knew with certainty that even if throughout the career of our relationship, I had been the one to be vocal with my hatred, with Izaya making it out to be a game to him, smiling broadly and dubbing nicknames for me, he still harbored those feelings of hate. I wasn't a proper human, thus an abnormality in Izaya's view and he loved his fellow humans. That was his vendetta of hatred toward me. If I couldn't stand Izaya for the swindling flea that he was that caused suffering, Izaya couldn't stand me because I pushed through the barriers of normality that extended beyond human. So no matter how much of a connection we had in the past few months, he could never like me and I was sure I could never like him but what was this uncertainty? This hazy line that caused disorientation to both parties?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I spend all day reading and writing fanfiction when I should be studying for life determining exams?


	17. A Haven

"Those frown lines are gonna etch permanently onto your skin," Izaya said, flicking my forehead daringly and smiling. He shifted back to his original position, leaving me a little stupefied and a little dazed from that soft smile. This action allowed me some space and I could finally breathe normal and feel relief, though the lack of warmth was a little disconcerting. 

My frown deepened at Izaya making light of a situation that had seemed so heavy before, the intensity evaporating to a more relaxed atmosphere.

"I wish you'd tell me about who's after you," I scowled. How can you already be smiling and at ease when two minutes ago, you looked livid? Adrenaline was still thrumming under my skin, my body still operating under the threat Izaya always posed. 

"I'm protecting you in my own way Shizu chan." 

It was said without any inflection, bordering on a monotone but I jolted in surprise at the honesty shining in his eyes and looked down, feeling the heat returning to my face. I forced myself to separate my interlocking hands that I had been wringing and squeezing together nervously. 

"Are you stupid? It's me, you idiotic flea. I don't need fucking protection," I scoffed incredulously. I wasn't cocky but I was confident in my abilities. No one ever dared to cross me with the exception of this special case of stupidity in front of me, so why were these group of people any different? The idea itself was ridiculous and I didn't need a meddlesome flea to look out for me. 

"These aren't the brute force type of group. They don't have muscles for a brain like you Shizu chan. They have connections, they can flip your life upside down, they can target people close to you."

I paused, mulling over the brief piece of information Izaya had finally chosen to volunteer. Did I really want to become involved? Kasuka could be harmed again but I couldn't find it within me to turn a blind eye to this whole situation. What sort of brother would I be anyway if I couldn't protect my sibling? I was more than capable of handling any fucker that lay a hand to his head. What sort of an enemy that may harbor feelings of slight endearment would I be if I couldn't protect Izaya? Help him even? I could grudgingly admit that I had grown attached to the annoying raven that was gazing into my eyes, awaiting a response. Perhaps the label of enemy could transition to rivals instead. 

I stretched my legs, and crawled from the foot of the bed to beside Izaya without considering the action. The moments in which Izaya was too close to me always causes my mind to blank, I was hoping to achieve the same affect when I sat myself beside him, shoulders brushing together and body leaning towards him. He was a skinny shit but he could hold me up. I wasn't an expert on human behavior but they say contact and touch usually causes comfort and I was trying to come across as reliable as possible so that he would finally reveal the name of this mysterious group. My heart was thudding loudly but I smiled triumphantly when I could feel Izaya's tense shoulder relaxing against mine, he sat up straighter to support my frame. 

"I'll be fine, now trust me and tell me," I ordered, satisfied by Izaya's sudden inability to talk and the light colouring of his cheeks. He could tease me all he wanted, I was definitely going to repay him in tenfold. 

"A group named Yodogiri," Izaya finally divulged

That was a wealthy family name, I knew well of them, they were famous around my town. Dangerous was the name associated with such a group. My eyebrows creased together trying to work over this. How the hell was such a rich, established organisation involved with Izaya? 

"I said to stop the frowning, scrunching your face like that is becoming a permanent thing," Izaya said, he placed his palm on my forehead, between my eyebrows and roughly rubbed the spot, smoothing my expression. A barely audible gasp passed through my lips at the sudden strokes, they felt like painless burns on my forehead. He had already adapted and gained confidence to our position. Was I the only one affected by his overbearing presence?

I batted his hand away from my forehead, struggling to gain dominance over the situation once again and stop the fluttering of my heart with the proximity. 

"Well obviously I'm frowning, this is a huge group," I glared.

"You underestimate me Shizu chan. I have connections too and a much more immoral mind," Izaya grinned devilishly, letting his hand fall to his side.

"What have you done?" I inquired curiously, tilting my face towards him. 

"Oh you don't want to know," Izaya laughed, sounding borderline manic and my body shivered at such a laugh, body being rocked as Izaya vibrated beside me. I knew he must've done something awful, this was Izaya after all. Probably set up a lot of people, causing conflicts and misunderstandings in an Izayaesque style, if it could even be called that.

"You are honestly creepy, flea," I said with distaste, balancing my body weight to not lean on him anymore. 

I blinked rapidly when Izaya twisted his body to face me and closed our short distance to have his face inches from mine.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked, cocking his head to the side, mirth still present in them bright eyes. Those eyes studied my face closely for a second, surveying my expression.

I tried to breathe steadily as I looked back at him with a straight expression.

"A little." 

"I remember when you first drank," Izaya chuckled, backing away but I was still hyper aware that our shoulders still stayed pressed together. What was wrong with me?

"You were at that house party?" I asked astonished. My first encounter with alcohol had been at the prime age of sixteen at a typical rich kid's house party. I had spluttered on the foul taste of the burning liquid but my inexperience annoyed me and I chugged up all the bitter liquid to find that I was undeniably and embarrassingly a fucking light weight.

"Yeah Shinra called me an unsocial fuck and I was curious about the behavior of humans in such an environment, you didn't notice me but you were the entertainment," Izaya replied, humor in his expression. I watched his lashes flicker over his eyes, like some butterfly wings fluttering to motion and knew that when I was making such a comparison that I was utterly screwed in the head. 

"Oh man I remember the kid that threw the party crying because he thought I was dead when we all went to the roof and I stumbled off drunk from the building and fell," I recalled fondly, my lips being stretched into an easy smile at the memory. High school wasn't the best moment of my life but that was by far one of the most funny moments of it.

"Little did they know you were such a monster. Didn't you fall into the rose bush?" Izaya mused thoughtfully, turning side ways to quirk an eyebrow at me. This time having his intense attention on me didn't feel threatening, it didn't feel like the walls were enclosing in on me and I was choking on air. The whole conversation was lighthearted, nostalgic, almost playful. A bubbly sense of content happiness settled in my stomach, all the pent up frustration and anger I had felt previously dispersing to brighten my mood. Finally the excess energy inside me had fizzled down. Perhaps this was the reason I somehow kept gravitating towards Izaya lately. He infuriated me, he irritated me, he caused utter confusion and bewilderment, he was a piece of fucking work but he made me feel a giddy happiness sometimes, he unlocked the gates of my painful high school experience that I kept bounded and he pushed the cheerful memories that I had forgotten about into focus. He made me witness emotions on a broad spectrum with such sharp intensity that were usually dulled down to anger and mild happiness in every day life.

"They smelled nice though," I quipped, sighing dreamily and at peace. 

Izaya opened his mouth to reply when the shrill sound of his phone went off between us. I felt as if a sudden mood that only we had been aware of had been shattered with the brash noise of his phone.

Izaya fished his phone out from his pocket and placed it against his ear. I watched him on the phone, taking note of his reactions.

"Oh so a few could be trying here?" Izaya asked, leaning forward. I almost whined at the lack of contact that made my shoulders suddenly feel cold. However, a more pressing issue was demanding my attention. A few of them were coming here? Could it be the people targeting Izaya? I waited, on edge, for Izaya to finish the damn call, his eyes flickered up briefly taking in my impatient expression to throw a smirk in my direction. Why the fuck does he like laughing at danger in the face? What drove him to maintain that false smirk of mania?

"Right continue with my instructions nonetheless and yes burn them papers," Izaya commanded, ending the call. 

I cast him an imploring expression. I had not a clue what he had just said down the receiver, what was with all the mystery? He was twisted into such a web that I wasn't even sure he knew what he was involved in half the time.

"Are they coming here?" I questioned, almost feeling anticipated for a fight. The reason I was here was to end this conflict anyway. 

"Probably," Izaya shrugged, carelessly.

I could only shoot him a look of disbelief at his thoughtlessness and he gave me a lazy smile, putting his phone away. 

"Well I'm staying here, it's late I can't even catch the bus home anyway," I announced, ready to argue vehemently if he refused. He wasn't gonna push me aside this time and tell me not to get involved. In this dingy hotel room, I felt a comfort that I knew would disappear as soon as I left it without Izaya. It almost felt like a safe haven. 

"I knew you'd say that," Izaya breathed out an exasperated sigh and I grinned at his statement. 

"It's been a while since I've fought someone," I said sounding surprisingly eager, fingers twitching. I usually hated violence but these guys just flared my anger to the point I wanted to invoke violence on them.

"And I get called the sadist. I have no idea when they will arrive Shizu chan," Izaya informed me, amused by my actions, probably taking notes, probably observing me. Maybe that's why he kept sticking around me. I kept questioning why I was with Izaya but never why he was with me. It was probably to study a "monster" and suddenly I wasn't feeling too good anymore. I didn't let the disappointment register though, wanting to grasp onto my happiness. 

"That's okay at least we have a double bed this time instead of a cramped single," I teased, lowering myself to lie on the bed and spreading my limbs out. I was entertained by the flustered expression I had managed to get on Izaya's face and for once I didn't question myself. I was sick of defending myself and perhaps my giddy mood, setting and alcohol intake played a loose part in me saying such a bold thing.

"Well don't crush my laptop," Izaya complained, nearly tripping over a word which caused me even further amusement. He was strangely cute like this. Fuck.

He leaned over my lying form and grabbed his laptop, standing up to place the laptop on the couch and flick the light switch off, causing darkness to surround us. However, the room wasn't completely immersed in darkness due to the moon and city lights filtering in through the window and I could make out Izaya's frame as he staggered back to the bed. 

"They could arrive any moment," Izaya warned, bed dipping as he got into it and threw the blanket over us.

"It's fine, we'll hear them," I assured sleepily, I felt a little drained after all the emotions I had burned through this evening. It was as if I had felt to the highest extent.

"Well you might just fall off the side of the bed when they arrive with how close to the edge you are," Izaya said, even in the darkness I could make out his fake frown. He was growing cocky again. I glared at him and moved towards his body, settling closer towards him. I let myself into his space until I was curled around his lithe frame, my chest nearly touching his back. I contemplated resting my hand on his waist but the idea made something strange swirl in my stomach. Nonetheless, he wasn't gonna win the teasing game.

"Shut up and sleep," I demanded gruffly, closing my heavy lids. Even in my exhausted state, I was hyper aware of Izaya moving against me, flipping to his side to face me. I breathed loudly through my nose as my eyes fluttered open at the sudden light touch on my face.

"What are you doing?" I blurted, flinching at the touch and mouth flying slightly open. The strangeness in my stomach started twisting at the contact. 

"Erasing the frown lines," Izaya replied, smiling playfully, his hand brushed over my eyelids, causing them to seal shut and I tried relaxing against his touch. After all he wasn't doing anything bad right? He wasn't kissing me or anything. Plus the tingly sensation of his fingers tracing over my face, mapping out my skin and grazing against any creases, was slightly pleasant. I breathed steadily and allowed myself to be lost to sleep, feeling as if I was cocooned in a small haven but not before I had come to one slightly intoxicated, tired conclusion. 

I must've stuck around the flea because he made me feel this way. He made me feel human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly had no idea how to edit this, I feel as if I pay no attention to detail or background and bleh 
> 
> Ohhh   
> Happy new year!   
> Hope 2017 is full of enjoyment and beautifully written fanfiction for you alllll


	18. A Pleasure

They did come. A few hours after the flea and I had fallen asleep. The noise of the door being kicked open, jerked me awake along with the blinding light that came with the switches being flicked on. I flinched at the onslaught of the bright, evading light and squinted at the dumb struck three men that stood at the door. The same three men that had interrupted Izaya's birthday. It was almost comical to take in their incredulous expressions, eyes holding fear and mouths agape. I wasted no time this time, even though I was sleep ridden to jump out of the bed and crash into them, with one giant leap. They screamed, begged and pleaded as I pounded their faces and I was surprised the hotel staff didn't arrived due to the noise but Izaya of course had chosen a shady hotel to stay in to match his equally shady character. Speaking of the flea, he had also awoken and sat at the edge of the bed, watching this violent display with an almost bored, passive expression. Had he really gotten accustomed to me beating people up? Well I supposed the major times he had been around me was when I was living up to the name of a monster. 

"Listen," I spat, grabbing the collar of the blond suited man and dragging his battered face towards me. My face scrunched up in disgust because of the blood that was leaking from his evidently broken nose, I had taken a particular dislike towards this guy out of the three for no reason other than his hair colour matching that of Izaya's stalker. I was irrational when my veins were buzzing with adrenaline, I know.

"Tell your little boss, the flea is mine to abuse and hurt so if he wants to pull away what is mine, I will make sure to annihilate him and there's a reason your boss and I never crossed paths in Ikkebukoro, we're both a danger to each other," I twisted my face into a menacing grimace and let him go. The other two bastards had already started running out of the room and the blond shakily followed in pursuit, howling after them in pain. 

I looked down at my hands which just couldn't steady after a fight and turned back to Izaya who was smiling sleepily at me, hair falling over his eyes and kind of, sort of, maybe, looking cute. Wait no, what the hell? I was just sleep deprived and jacked up on adrenaline. 

"I'm yours now?" Izaya chuckled, getting back under the covers and grinning smugly at me.

I stood in the middle of the room unsure and blushing all of a sudden. 

"Yeah you're mine to hurt, my enemy's going to die by my hand alone," I replied smoothly, not missing a beat. 

"Right we'll get back to that one later now come back into bed, I'm tired, it's two in the morning for god's sake," Izaya complained, lying back and closing his eyes.

I stared at him in bed, hesitating, now that I didn't have alcohol in my system, getting into bed with him just seemed plain weird and embarrassing but I was pretty damn exhausted myself, therefore, I turned off the lights and climbed back into bed with my enemy, who turned around and wrapped his arm around me and I grudgingly let him do so, letting his warm stable frame stop the shaking of my body. 

______________

My eyes opened for the second time that day but this time to sunlight filtering through the window, I slowly became aware of what had woken me up. The growing discomfort at my lower region. A fucking morning boner. I panicked and shot the sleeping form of Izaya a look, his head was just inches from resting against my chest. What the fuck, why did I have to have an erection this early in the morning? I mean sure I had them before, from dreams or for no reason at all but this was just painfully awkward. It had nothing to do with the flea beside me and for that I was grateful. I was beginning to believe Izaya's twisted side had warped up my mind because my blood was still racing from the fight earlier. No. Violence did not turn me on, no. I was just tense and worked up. Restless to get rid of my pent up frustration. I didn't know what to do, I was fidgeting slightly and contemplating my choices. I couldn't exactly relieve myself next to the flea, that would be disgusting. My only option was to go jerk off in the bathroom and I cringed at the thought. 

I tried to back away slowly from Izaya, cautious not to jostle him awake but somehow Izaya sensed my movement and his eyes opened, to blink up at me groggily. I froze up completely, jaw going slack, dick achingly hard and feeling completely mortified at this whole new situation. He couldn't know. He just couldn't. 

Izaya noticed my distress, looking more alert from seconds earlier and leaned in back towards me. No please go away, please. My mind was internally screaming at me. 

"Are you alright Shizu chan?" Izaya asked, voice thick from sleep, tone so low, it was unfair. He squirmed to get closer to me and that's when it happened. His leg grazed my groin and I huffed out an all too loud and embarrassing moan. My eyes widened at the sound and my hand slapped over my mouth in shock and I could only stare at Izaya with a stricken expression. 

Izaya gazed back at me for a minute, taking in the situation and I couldn't bear it any longer. His eyes bore into me and I couldn't decipher that expression. Time for me to run away and pretend this never occurred. However, before I could remove myself from the situation, Izaya took a handful of the front of my shirt to stop me from leaving. 

"Don't move," he commanded and I was taken aback by the expression he held, his eyes had glazed over completely and I gulped down as much air as my lungs could hold. 

"Let go," I whispered, trying to get a hold of myself. The degrees in the room seemed to increase up a notch and heat and blood were rushing to my head and that other region dangerously.

He sat up, releasing the bunched up material of my shirt from his hand and swung his leg over me, actively straddling me and pinning me down. 

"Izaya, fucking get off me." My jaw clenched and I became very aware of the feeling of Izaya on me. I could push him off. I should push him off.

"I didn't think looking at me, innocently nestled in my sleep would get you hot and bothered Shizu chan, now that's dirty," Izaya grinned a sly smile, lowering himself to look into my eyes and boldly place a sloppy kiss to my lips. Shock entered my system, it was as if my brain had been scalded. 

"Iz-" my voice broke off into a strangled noise as I felt Izaya's hand palming my bulge, teasingly and a rush of painful pleasure and warmth hit me. A shiver ran up from the base of my spine as he continued to touch the sensitive area and gave it a taunting squeeze.

"Seriously..cu-cut it out," I said, unsuccessfully trying to stifle a moan, getting lost in the sensation. I tried to keep my mouth shut and suppress the noises but it wasn't working, he was making me feel completely weak.

"No, we're not being interrupted this time plus I'm paying you a service for helping me out," Izaya said, voice low and straining as he broke eye contact to work at my belt and tug down my trousers.

I had no control, I had become a puddle, a mess, at mercy to those roaming hands. Those hands made a quick work of removing my shirt and I trembled beneath the cold touch and the eyes that took in my exposed body with an appraising look. This wasn't happening right? Where was the soft Izaya who was stroking my face rather than my dick last night? He completely dominated me. 

He hooked his fingers around the waistband of my underwear and pulled it roughly down. I exhaled harshly and made an almost panicked sound at the suddenness, my dick stood to attention, leaking with precum, begging for relief. 

Izaya's lips pressed down upon mine, to soothe and calm my alarmed features, lips gently working against mine in an unfamiliar pattern. I could feel his hand sliding down my torso to rest on my thighs for a second and I could only see white. A white image of pleasure. His grip was a little cooler than my body temperature and my toes spread and hips rolled as his hand ran up from the base of my dick to the head, rubbing small circles to the tip that was leaking continuously now. Waves of ecstasy rocked my body and my hips bucked against that miracle hand, cutting connection to all coherent thoughts in my brain. 

"Iza-Izaya," I panted against his lips, feeling needy, like it was all too much. I was becoming undone and literally at the palm of the hand of the damn flea. It was too hot. Too warm.

"Keep repeating my name," Izaya smirked, lifting his face to look over me and I moaned a string of unintelligible words as his hand started rubbing down my hilt with a tantalizingly, slow speed. The curve where my thigh connected to my hip was being poked by Izaya's hard erection and I didn't know how I felt about that, it was hot and worrying at the same time but soon I couldn't feel it as Izaya literally went down on me, hands stroking down my chest, lips placing a wet kiss on my hip causing an electric jolt to go through me.

"I- I can't.." I cried desperately and felt shame go through me due to my tone of voice. What was I doing? 

"I've got you," Izaya reassured, my body quivered at that voice full of lust.

I peeked down at Izaya, just in time to see his soft, parted lips push experimentally against the head of my dick, his warm plush lips eased the tip into his mouth and he slowly ran his tongue over the area, sucking and licking before pressing his tongue over the underside of my dick and suddenly my leg muscles were contracting and ankles digging into the bed as the tremors of pure pleasure rolled through me, his hands were pumping the base of my dick, while his mouth was attached to the top, licking and nipping, defiling me. 

I was moaning and embarrassed, lost to the sensation and a sheen of sweat coated my body. I lifted my hands, that had been grasping onto the sheets below me, to cover my eyes and mouth and suddenly Izaya paused, sliding my dick out of his mouth. I made a pitiful sound at the loss of contact, the build up being cut off was almost painful. Hands grabbed mine, removing them from my face and I had no where to hide from that intense gaze.

"I want you to look at me Shizu chan and I want you to move your hips in my mouth," Izaya ordered, eyes assertive, looking up at me intensely and pinning my hands to my side.

"I wo..n't" I breathed, mortified to be under such a gaze in an embarrassing position. I couldn't imagine what my appearance would be like, hair probably spilled over my forehead and I knew from the heat I felt that my face was probably flushed crimson red.

"I could hurt you," I said quietly, feeling so many conflicting emotions all at once.

"You won't. And I really want you to fuck my mouth," Izaya said bluntly, expression straight and I was surprised by the arousal that hit me from those words. 

Izaya retreated back down to my lower region, and he took me steadily again, causing my hips to arch and I watched him, with his hair plastered to his forehead, pale face looking undeniably attractive and his glassy eyed stare was enough to push me over the edge. Whatever I had been holding back, was set loose by that tongue licking me and those cheeks hollowing to intensify the orgasm, and my moan finished to a shaky exhale and I bucked my hips forward, thrusting in and out of Izaya's mouth, with no rhythm, my movements desperate and erratic. Izaya groaned around my dick and just let me abuse his mouth and I was so damn close.

"I'm. Oh I'm coming, " I gasped and felt myself spill into Izaya's mouth, dick twitching and shivering, releasing the white, hot liquid and feeling waves and waves of the glorious sensation as Izaya continued to bob his head up and down, finishing my orgasm. 

I collapsed back onto the bed, feeling exhausted but satisfied. That had felt like the best thing I had ever experienced and my head was lulling with warm thoughts, when Izaya, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve, came back up, on top of me, lips going back to mine, that tongue that had been on my dick a few seconds ago was now licking my lips and I breathed roughly against him, too tired to keep up. His lips traveled down to my neck, kissing there and I felt the sudden poking of Izaya's boner on my thigh again. Izaya felt me stilling completely against him and looked up to put an explanation to my behavior. I was looking down at Izaya's dick, I could almost feel the problem throbbing against me and I blanched completely at the foreign thing. 

"It's okay," Izaya said softly, noticing my distress. He had both arms at the sides of my head and was looking down at me, he was also red faced with swollen lips. His expression was oh so gentle, something I had never thought Izaya to be capable of and it made me feel vulnerable. 

"But you.. it's," I stuttered uncertainly, blush colouring my cheeks and eyes evading the red ones. 

"Don't force yourself, I know you've never touched dick in your life Shizu chan."

That's when it all came crashing down. My senses and thoughts going into overdrive. I was lying in the embrace of my male enemy. I wasn't fucking gay. My body tensed up completely and I pushed Izaya off of me, wanting to erase the feel of Izaya's body on me completely and that surprised face that looked up at me due to my abrupt movement. I grabbed my clothes, rapidly getting dressed and Izaya looked at me with a worn out expression. 

"What are you doing?" He asked levelly, watching my panic frenzied movements as I shoved on my shoes. 

"I can't do this Izaya," I whispered, barely looking at him, feeling guilty and repulsed at the same time. The expression of hurt that spread across his face would haunt me for all eternity as I closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been putting this off as it's my first and only attempt at smut and it's just is it even written right.


	19. A Creature

Something had been lodged inside my chest. A metaphorical creature of sorts, which had clawed its way in painfully and taken residence. When my thoughts became turbulent and my emotions pooled out, this creature would always writhe painfully in my chest and I didn't know how to get rid of it. How to set free the thing that was within me. Ever since I walked out on Izaya, this creature wouldn't leave me alone. 

"Shizuo are you okay?" I blinked up at Tom, snapping out of my dazed reverie. We were in a small cafe, drinking some evening coffee and I realised with guilt that I hadn't been paying attention to Tom at all. 

"Yeah fine," I said hastily, and my voice sounded too falsely loud, even to my own ears. 

"I don't think you are, past few days you've been worrying over something I can tell. I'm not one to pry for details but today we don't have much work left so go home, cool your head a little," concern was etched on his features and it only worked to spur my misery further.

"Okay thanks," I said quietly, draining the contents of the cup and getting up to exit the cafe. 

I breathed in the cool evening air and strolled leisurely to the park only to stare at the park bench dully, remembering the time Izaya and I had sat there. I hadn't contacted Izaya all week, I had been avoiding him, ignoring any texts or calls that came my way only to feel achingly upset when his calls and texts ceased. I was being so contradictory, I could barely think of that morning clearly yet the whole event had imprinted, with a burn upon my brain. I would dream about it and think and think about it and everything about that occurrence seemed hazy to the point where I could mistake it for a dream but no, it had happened and I was running away from it. 

I flopped down on the park bench, tugging my hair in irritation, then placing my face in my hands. The creature inside my chest, stirrred and made it harder to breathe. Why did I mess everything up? My own life was balancing on a teetering scale, leaning towards destruction. Everything I touched crumbled under my angry, shaking hands, eroding away. My own parents barely contacted me anymore, obviously ashamed of me. Izaya was probably better off without me, a monster, anyway. I was doing him a favor by running away, he could do so much better rather than someone who was a frenzy of scrambled thoughts. Had the damn flea ever even gotten anyone decent? My mind flashed back to the time he had said his only experience had been with that filthy stalker. I straightened up, removing my hands from my face, eyes widening. How could I be so selfish? While I had sat around the past week, drowning in insecurities of my first experience with a man, I had left him all alone. With one other fucked up sexual experience, the memory literally leaving a stale taste in his mouth. I hadn't been forced into it, I had clearly enjoyed it, and that's what I struggled with most but no more. I had to pull myself together, I had to get a grip. This creature won't leave me alone and my swirling, demanding thoughts and tormented emotions wouldn't stop unless I faced my fucking problems like a man, rather than pining over how my manhood was threatened now that I had that experience.

I pulled out my phone, taking a deep breath,typed in 'I'm coming over,' and clicked send.

_____________

His door fell open under my hand as per usual and I wanted to reprimand him again for his lack of security but realising with a stab to the gut that I had no right to reprimand him. My feet dragged across his hallway carpet, I was so unsure and nervous. I had just walked into his home and I wasn't certain on whether I was welcome or not. He hadn't texted back but I supposed it had only been over half an hour since I sent the text. I peeked into his office to find it vacant. I should call out his name, say something but my voice was lost, I couldn't formulate the sentences, the thoughts, the words that I wanted to string together so badly. 

Maybe I was shaking slightly when I opened his bedroom door, maybe my heart fluttered when I spotted Izaya's form hunched over his bedside table. 

Izaya stiffened when he became aware of my presence and straightened up to stand still. His expression.. it simply wasn't there. Kasuka had more life to his features. It was the reserved, brooding Izaya that I hated with all my being. 

My eyes fell on his bedside table. My mouth ran dry as I spotted his antidepressants on the table, it was ignorant for me to say so but I had forgotten all about them.

Izaya roughly opened the bottom drawer and shoved the tablets in due to my not so subtle staring. 

When he finally looked back up, I was shocked by the dimness in his eyes, where was the spark? 

A tense, awkward atmosphere settled over us and I wanted to scream, to tear my hair out or smash something because this stand off was infuriating. It was overwhelming me. I had to break it. 

"You're still taking the pills?" I found myself stating, curiousity was a scary emotion but it was the emotion I chose to deal with for this moment, it was tame, considering the other emotions swirling within me. 

"I take them when I know you're coming around," Izaya replied flatly, looking into my eyes. He had to have noticed my change in expression at that revelation. He took those tablets for me? To stay grounded for me? What other times had he taken them? Every single time we were together? An emotion I couldn't describe was consuming me and the creature inside mirrored it's movements and suddenly I just couldn't focus. I could barely think. 

My feet moved of its own accord to have me standing in front of Izaya directly. 

"You can't just only take them when I'm around if you need them," my voice was almost a whisper and I was trying my best to keep my eye contact with Izaya. Why did he look so young today? Younger than me anyway, clad in all black and the dark under his eyes was even harsher today. 

My vision followed Izaya's hand, which reached up to flick a few strands of his hair back and I found myself blushing remembering how sweat had caused his hair to plaster to his forehead on one occasion. Now was not the time Shizuo. 

"They make me feel like shit, I don't like them," Izaya said softly, eyes shifting downward. 

"But you can't deny that you need them," I argued but stopped short under the glowering glare of Izaya. His eyes were finally burning now but not with the usual mirth but a rare anger, igniting small flames in his russet eyes. It was devastatingly beautiful. 

"You deny your sexuality and us or whatever the fuck you want to Shizu chan, so why can't I?" He shot back, lips stretching into a smile I barely recognized. Now this wasn't beautiful, it was distorted, it hurt.

I didn't know what overcame my body because suddenly we were both falling, me on top of Izaya, pushing him bodily onto the bed so I could lay on him and look down and try to erase that fake smile that made my stomach twist. I was sick of this feeling, this defense I had tried to build up. 

Izaya looked up at me blinking in surprise at the swift change in position. I jerked forward and let my lips brush against his, just a flicker of sparking contact, as if I was an inexperienced school boy who didn't have any idea on how to initiate a kiss. 

I raised my head and now it was my turn to gawk at Izaya in confusion. Did I just do that? I hadn't come here to do this but it didn't feel wrong, it felt like relief, I felt at ease apart from the heating of my face at such a bold move on my part. 

"What are you trying to do Shizu chan? Are you admitting you're gay or wrong or a dick or playing with me?" Izaya said listlessly, sounding a little bored, as if he wasn't aware of my crushing weight pining him down or the tension that fizzled in the air.

"I'm wrong, I'm a dick and I'm not playing with you but I'm not gay," I answered, gazing down at him steadily. He was soft and pliant beneath me and already I felt drugged up.

Izaya started squirming beneath me at those words, struggling to get out from under me. 

"Will you calm down?" I sighed, shifting to lay beside Izaya but making sure to keep hold of his right wrist. It felt tiny and frail engaged in my fingers but I knew what those hands were capable of doing with a knife. I clutched onto his wrist even tighter as my mouth opened to try and communicate what I was feeling.

"I am actually apologising to you, you stupid flea. I'm fucking sorry and no I can't accept that I'm gay. However, I can't deny this can I? Even thinking back as far as high school, maybe my eyes lingered on you a second too long and I never understood that, I'll never understand this but dammit this is embarrassing, just stop making that fucking face," I spluttered, breathing heavily at the look I was being subjected to, reluctantly letting go of that wrist because this was all too much really. What were we even doing flopped on the bed, side by side, confessing humiliating shit.

"Therefore, you're into men?" Izaya questioned, I had oddly missed him being close to me, with his head tilted towards me, his attention on me. His focus, his feelings centering on me. I didn't ever know I was this starved for his notice. These couldn't be platonic thoughts and it was frustrating, it really was. 

I shifted, uncomfortable at the question. I didn't plan this far ahead when I had decided to drop into Izaya today. 

"I don't want to get into labels and shit I just know it's you." I swallowed down the dryness of my throat, cheeks feeling heated. It was one of those situations where the air around you oozes intensity and your voice without your control wavers.

A ghost of a smile spread across Izaya's face and the only thing I could link it to was seeing water for the first time in a week, in a dry desert. Pure and utter relief. 

"Are you inventing a sexuality comprised of only me? Izayasexual or something?" he grinned, he leaned in towards me and everything was too warm but a nice warm, a bubbly, homely warm.

"What if I am?" I growled, cheeks becoming tinged with red. Why must I be like this? No other girl in the past had reduced me to a stuttering moron. 

"Then I don't have to worry about Kadota or your senpai Tom or that Russian girl," he breathed, his frame now completely pressed against mine. He was aligned along with me, almost as if he was holding up the fractured pieces. 

God that guy was assertive, for a skinny, stupid flea. 

"Why would you have to worry about them?" I managed to choke out, trying not to be affected by the face nuzzling against my chest. 

"Hmm? Nevermind. Are you gonna kiss me again already? The last one was lacking quality," Izaya smirked, pulling away from my chest, from the creature that was now purring from within, to look at me. 

"No. Get away," I said hotly, my primary objective was not to be embarrassed any further. 

"Tsundere as fuck but guess what Shizu chan you kissed me, lip on lip, limbs on limbs, chest on chest, dick on-" 

I cut him off with the palm of my hand, pressing onto his lip and blushed furiously at the obvious next word. 

"Shut the fuck up," I groaned, glaring at the amused eyes, gazing at me. At least the normal, playful Izaya had returned. With his analytical eyes and sharp smile and razor comments. 

He merely removed my hands, to climb on top off me, brushing my hair from my face and planted a wet kiss to my lips, causing me to shudder and want to flee the scene.

My reservations and doubts were screaming again but I ignored them because this just felt..weirdly nice. 

"Did Yodogiri give you any trouble this past week?" I found myself breathlessly asking, trying to distract Izaya and myself because this position was making me weak kneed. Also I had been feeling guilty the past week for abandoning Izaya in such a precarious situation. 

Izaya propped himself up on one elbow above me, his other hand stroking my cheek in patterns that made me want to melt or maybe I was melting? 

"Yeah I had one encounter with some people and I lit fire to a few of their factories," Izaya replied nonchalantly causing me to ogle up at him. 

"You exploded factories?" I shouted incredulously, was I an idiot? No matter the situation, Izaya would still continue to wreck havoc. It was outstanding. He was such a sadistic maniac and I was attracted to that? Attached to that?

"Yeah taught them a lesson but enough of that, that's boring crap, I have something more interesting before me," Izaya smiled, and I had to swallow down air because there was clear mischief in his eyes and I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. Was this me? Was this okay? Wasn't he my enemy? Wasn't he a vile excuse for a human?

I found myself not caring about those questions as I squirmed slightly against those lips pressing on mine, moving slowly against mine and I could feel it, the oddly, tender affection. 

The creature that had taken residence within me decided to spread its wings and leave. It admitted defeat and I was released from its encasement that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as if this had been the chapter I most enjoyed writing when I wrote this like 6 months ago :') 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos/comments


	20. A Place

"Yeah okay, okay! I'll pay u-up," the man that had my foot wedged into his stomach sobbed pitifully. 

"That's all you had to do from the start," I growled, releasing the pressure of my footing and walking off to the side to let Tom deal with the details of obtaining the money. I stretched my left hand, flexing it a few times, staring moodily at the sky, the sun would set soon, a range of colours were already blurring into the sky, darkening the expanse with the swirl of dusk. 

I plunged my hand into my pocket when I heard my phone let out a buzz, alerting me to a notification. 

'Come over today? I made food.' 

My stomach dropped at the text, it was as if a dead weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was being an awkward fuck again. It had been two days since my kind of confession and reconciliation with the flea and it had felt great to lay there with Izaya above me until Tom senpai ran into trouble and called me back to work. Since then only a few teasing texts had been exchanged between us and I didn't know what to do. What were we? Why was everything painfully awkward? How could I spur this through to a smooth transition? Could you even call it a relationship? What did a relationship between us two entail? How can I progress this when I was so clueless? Did I want to progress this? Shouldn't I just cut my losses short? 

'Yeah, I'll see.' I typed back but I already knew the answer from the thudding of my heart. The desire to see him again, to see how the foundations of all this had changed made me scared but excited at the same time, denying this feeling felt like a futile effort, so I carried out the rest of my job and although I'll never admit this to anyone, ran to the bus stop to get to Izaya.

__________

I actually knocked on his door for once, hesitant and anxious. No one effected me like this before and it was hurting my pride, my worthless fucking pride. 

The door sprang open and before I could get out a greeting, lips pecked mine, eliciting a surprised, breathless gasp from me.

Izaya stood back, eyes glinting with amusement at me squirming to make an appropriate expression at such a greeting. 

"Hello Shizu chan. How are you?" he grinned and I just knew that kissing me wasn't out of urge but a vindictive Izaya motive to get a reaction out of me. I would've hit him if his eyes weren't looking so brightly up at me, with his hair splayed messily over them gleaming eyes, causing my heart to stutter. Fleas should not be attractive. 

I pushed him lightly out of the way, stepping aside to enter the apartment. 

"Since when did we exchange pleasantries?" I huffed out, making a beeline for the living room. 

Izaya caught up easily, smiling that sly grin. "Since we started exchanging saliva?" He deadpanned and all I could do was glare at him for his blatant teasing that he enjoyed a little too much. 

"Is the food done?" I asked, ignoring his comments, longing in my voice. I loved the damn flea's cooking, maybe that's what started this. I caught feelings for Izaya through his food making skills, he had definitely tricked me. 

"Yep, your favourite curry, go to the dining room table instead Shizu chan," Izaya answered, a hand on my back directing me away from the living room. A hand on my back shouldn't cause my breathing to hitch, why was I hyper aware of everything now? It was all too disjointed, strange and my chest felt tight. 

I was impressed that the table was already set and I sat down opposite Izaya, mouth watering at the display. 

"You're good for something flea," I said, lifting up a fork. 

"Blowjobs?" Izaya questioned, expression innocent and I groaned with food in my mouth. 

He began laughing at my look of mortification and even though I was worked up, his laugh fell on happy ears, it made me feel at ease. I tried to relax my stiff shoulders because this shouldn't be awkward, I've known the man opposite me for almost a decade for god's sake. He had been linked into my life for so long. I shouldn't even be surprised but didn't I know him as well Kasuka, Tom, Shinra, Celty and Kadota? He was private but I could gauge out what he was thinking at times. Wow. Izaya had always been in my little circle of people I associated myself with, through his leeching methods but nonetheless he had always just been there. Hanging on the fringes and now suddenly thrust into the focal point of the circle for me to realise just what he meant to me.

However, it didn't stop me from casting the flea a few furtive glances from over my plate. 

Izaya sighed, placing his fork down and locking eyes with me. 

"You're staring. Is it my devilish good looks or is something up?" he inquired, his eyes somehow demanding an answer. 

My face coloured at being caught but I had to get this out now or else I would be agonizing over it for days. 

"Izaya. You know I'll snap your neck if I find out you're playing me right? I can't fully trust this you know, if this is one of your schemes to undermine me and get me to act like the fool, it'll.. it'll hurt me and I'll hurt you. Just don't mess with me," it came out more aggressively than I had intended and this exposed feeling made the heavy atmosphere push down on me more.

Izaya laced his fingers together, leaning in, with his elbows pushed against the table, hands supporting his chin and narrowed his eyes at me and his expression resembled that of a haughty feline. 

"Yep, it's all just an elaborate scheme to humiliate you Shizu chan, then I'm gonna use the opportunity to get close to your actor brother because damn he is fine," his voice harbored a teasing lilt, expression dramatically sarcastic.

A frown carved onto my face at his sarcasm. This was my whole ego, my emotions on the line here and all he could do was taunt? And did I just feel a stab of jealousy over my own little brother?

"You won't be getting near Kasuka," I blurted out, even though I knew he wasn't being serious, well when was the flea ever serious?

Izaya simply laughed and stood up to grab his plate and walked to my side of the table, placing his plate above mine. 

My brows were still furrowed at Izaya evading my question and I refused to look at him, until I felt a gentle hand on my head. 

I gaped at the flea as he smiled brightly down at me, his hand moved to ruffle my hair and I was just about to complain about the disaster he was going to leave behind, hair probably already sticking up in tufts when he opened his mouth to speak.

"You can barely register what we are Shizu chan so until you figure that one out, don't let that simple brain of yours have such stupid thoughts clatter up your mind."

"Oi flea, watch it," I growled, ducking away from the onslaught of his hand. Izaya insulting my intelligence dated as far back as the fresh days of high school.

"You're just too sentimental, I obviously can't fake this" the flea sighed exasperatedly, then disappeared from my line of vision to put away the plates.

This was so frustrating. Why couldn't he admit it? Why was he so damn evasive? We were both men but that didn't mean that there were no emotions in the relationship. What kept Izaya within an arms reach to me? I slumped back on the seat, not caring to follow his movements, mind reeling a little. He would never fail to get under my skin but at least I had that little reassurance, a little capitulation that this wasn't fake. That this was all real on both of our parts and my erratic heart beat, I willed it to be mutual but he was so calm and composed all the time. I wanted to make a mess out of him. To dominate him. Until he was unravelled and all he could think of was me. I was surprised at myself for having such disturbing thoughts. 

Izaya returned to my side and I think he sensed my defeated mood because suddenly he was prying my hands apart and grabbing one, trying to pull me up. 

"Come on, let's go watch a movie," he suggested and I complied, standing up to allow Izaya to drag me to his sitting room. I knew the layout of Izaya's place so well now, something I never believed that I would because the only times I entered it before was when I was furious and knocking shit over. I couldn't really appreciate any interior design with my hot head, I didn't take notice to the small things such as how many shelves Izaya had lined with books, or the signed poster of a band that I knew Izaya loved even back in high school plastered to the wall. If I had paid attention to these small things, I would've realised just how normally human the flea was. 

I crashed back on the couch, opposite the TV. Izaya placed a film into the DVD player and I watched his actions, a little at a loss on how to deal with all these intense emotions, that had decided to sprout up on me out of nowhere just by looking at him. 

I found myself choking on air when I felt the weight of Izaya, seating himself on my lap, wriggling into position and giving my lower regions an intended hard time. 

"What are you doing?" I spluttered, cheeks filling with colour, ears tinting with red. 

Izaya shifted a little more, again increasing the difficulty of my control. 

"Getting comfortable. I guess this establishes our positions eh Shizu chan? Say when are we fucking or are we gonna constantly be nervously twiddling our thumbs over our feelings?" I could tell that his lips adorned his trademark smirk, even when he wasn't facing me but something wasn't sitting well with me. His tone was a little too fake and of course this was Izaya's proper first time with anyone really, at least I had a little, well a lot of experience, all he had was a weirdo stalker and sure it was Izaya, he radiated confidence but he should be feeling even a fraction of the anxiety I was feeling, something was wrong. 

Therefore, I grabbed his waist, twisting his body to face me, causing a small noise of surprise to emit from Izaya as I placed him in a position where his legs were spread and feet crushed against the sofa. I felt my body burn with awareness to have Izaya aligned open to me. Damn he was light and small, I felt like a I could destroy him if I pressed my fingers too hard against his waist.

"What are we gonna go now?" Izaya grinned coyly. 

I fixed him with a steady gaze, running my hands from his waist towards his back and held him towards me and the following shiver I received from my roaming hands caused me to be fascinated, delicate fluttering form beneath the press of my fingers and the material of cloth. I could cause such reactions from a composed flea? 

"Izaya, I don't know how toxic your relationship was with that stalker guy back in high school and frankly I don't want to because it makes me sick but you don't need to place sex on the table straight away to keep me around," I found myself awkwardly stating and I knew I hit the nail on the head when a staggered expression crossed Izaya's features. It made me worried that his thought process was so wired from that vile stalker. 

"What am I meant to do when you look like you're so terrified and about to bolt out the door any minute Shizu chan?" Izaya breathed, mask back in place, expression impassive but he still leaned forward to rest his forehead on mine. It was too hot, the room was stifling and I was suddenly being suffocated by my thoughts and the warmth of Izaya. Had I really been concerning him so much with my insecurities? Shouldn't I just let them go because right now I wasn't repulsed by our obvious intimate position? 

"I didn't mean to worry you," I said quietly, breathing in the scent of Izaya. Sharpens familiar.

"I wasn't," Izaya quipped, clearly lying but expression still somehow maintaining that calm exterior and I wanted to slap that facade off until the raw, vulnerable Izaya was exposed to me. I wanted to be the one to see all the reactions and expressions that pretty little face of his made and I wanted it to be caused by me. 

Somehow I mustered the courage to close the short distance between our faces and crush my lips against his, lust overcoming any rational thought. 

The low noise that vibrated on my lips from Izaya at the shock of my boldness only spurred to drive my sudden passion and I deepened the kiss with more force, capturing his bottom lip. Without breaking the kiss, I turned us sideways so that I could lay Izaya on the couch and be over him, my mind started numbing with pleasure as Izaya finally began working his lips to move against mine and in a broken pattern, they started following my lead. His hand freed themselves from being crushed beneath my weight and went to my hair, to tug it and knot themselves in my hair and I growled quietly like the monster I was accused of being. I ran the heat of my tongue over his lips several times before coaxing inside Izaya. I had the control now even though I felt like I was going to go insane by the tongue dancing in my mouth. I aggressively placed my tongue further down Izaya's mouth, running it around his mouth until he was moaning into me and god it felt good to have Izaya beneath my hands for once. My own hands had snaked beneath the material of his shirt to rest on his stomach and I slowly rubbed circles on the smooth expanse of his skin. I experimentally pressed my right knee between Izaya's legs, pushing him further into the couch, Izaya jolted and gasped and I continued kissing him roughly and eliciting shudders from him as his grip on my hair tightened.

I pulled back slightly to draw in desperate breaths and I found myself not being able to even avert my gaze from embarrassment at the compelling display before me. Izaya was breathing heavily, flushed to the colour he usually reduced me to, his dark locks stuck to his forehead and he wasn't able to return my look for a moment and when he did, his vision was completely clouded. He was beautiful and I couldn't be disgusted that this was another man before me or that it was my enemy because it was alright. He had wormed a place in my heart and no doubts were going to be able to dislodge the flea which had already dug into my organ.

"You're so messy," I grumbled, wiping the little bit of saliva that had gathered at the corner of his mouth.

"I can't help it if Shizu chan's a brute and resembles a dog in heat, I could barely breathe there," Izaya complained, huffing up at me. He looked shocked and I could see the lines of his face working to maintain composure. 

A blush worked its way up to my face and again I was changing our position flipping Izaya over, having him face away from me and I hugged him from behind, curling against the warmth of that lithe frame.

"Let's just watch this movie," I said bashfully, eyes flitting up to the screen to see, with guilt, that we had already missed the introduction to the movie and I had no idea what it was about. 

"Oh now going back to being blushing and tame, I'm gonna pretend your semi isn't poking my leg," Izaya chirped and I could only make a flustered noise of denial as his chuckles filled the room. 

It was all okay though. I felt at ease and Izaya oddly fit perfectly in my arms and it wasn't so awkward anymore. For once I had something in my hands to protect rather than to break, he wasn't going to crumble and dissipate beneath my touch, he would meet my eyes without fear and god I knew with certainty that I was going to make sure that he was safe in my hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had a lot of life changing exams. I present to you a barely edited chapter oops


	21. A Clockwork

"The hell?" I growled, glancing down at the picture lighting up my phone screen, I squinted at the blurry picture of Izaya and I, from the coffee shop we had been in earlier. An anonymous user had posted it on the Dollars website and hundreds of speculative comments were under the picture, some curious, some suspicious and I could feel anger surge through me. Why were people so nosy? Were their mundane existence so insufferable that they had to dig into mine? 

Meddlers had always irritated me, therefore, it was painfully ironic that I was giving the pro meddler that was in front of me, typing relentlessly on his laptop, my time of the day. 

Said meddler tore his view from the screen to cast me a brief, curious look.

"What?" Izaya drawled lazily and went back to his business with his precious laptop.

A vein in my head throbbed and a hand raked through my hair in frustration at the flea who had been ignoring me all day today, why was he being so dismissive? 

I got up from my position on the armchair, opposite Izaya to shove the phone in his view. I made sure to push it close to his face and cause some form of discomfort to draw attention. 

Izaya's crimson eyes conveyed disinterest at the picture and he batted the phone away from his face to finally fixate a somewhat disapproving look towards me. He was definitely over due a haircut, with the way the strands fell over his eyes but I couldn't find it within myself to suggest that since the overall look just made him more attractive and I wanted to punch myself in the face for thinking that way. 

"People like to talk, gossip festers like bacteria, nothing new Shizu chan," Izaya stated flatly and I paused in front of him, unsure all of a sudden. I didn't know how to deal with the flea's mood swings, for a flea he was a complex being, burning through emotions and feelings at a rapid speed that left a simple person such as myself reeling and unable to keep up. I always knew Izaya's intellect far exceeded mine, something I'd never admit because I would just be reinforcing that annoying ego but this sometimes made me feel so insecure, something that was shameful for a grown man such as myself. If only I could know what went on in his head, I could visualise all the cogs in his head, moving at different paces like the contents of complicated clockwork.

"You know, I wont know what I did wrong if you don't tell me up," I sighed in defeat, frowning as I sat beside him on the couch. I wanted to sink into his side, the warmth that emanated from him drawing me in.

Izaya shot me a dull glare causing my frown to deepen, I decided to push the laptop off his knees in an attempt to demand his attention. 

"You have your precious senpai to talk to all day, why bother here?" Izaya retorted, slumping against the sofa and not sparing me a look. His shoulders hunched a little and his lips were pressed together in a flat line.

Something clicked into place in my head. A divine being like the flea was also capable of petty emotions because he was still human, I was the one complicating things by overthinking.

"Are you..are you jealous?" I asked hesitantly, incredulity lacing my words because the thought of Tom san and I was odd if not borderline disturbing. 

I exhaled with relief when the corners of Izaya's lips tugged up at my scrunched up expression. It was a strange phenomenon, caring for someone for a little while caused a deep craving to see them happy, something that was bewildering for me. If I was like this after just two weeks of a few meetings and hangings like this with him, what other depths could I succumb to? I shuddered at the thought of getting as bad as Shinra, it would be weird to get that crazy about the louse but I found myself on that path and it was all a little disconcerting. 

"Say Shizu chan, if Tanaka Tom or anyone ever asked about what was going on with us, what would you say?" Izaya asked, turning towards me and tilting his head in inquisition.

I blinked a few times at the off hand question, confused as to how to reply because I had never given it a thought, these past two weeks had went by fast, blurring to a giddy happiness and jittery nerves. The idea of admitting it to people had barely crossed my mind. Honestly it would shock people incredibly at the status of our relationship because it was so bizarre, I was still in a state of everlasting shock myself. It simply didn't feel real but the too real feel of Izaya pressing his lips upon mine or our usual everyday bickering would usually snap me back to reality.

"Forget it, that's an unfair question since you're not used to this yet," Izaya said, colour flickering out from them eyes, causing something to tighten in my chest.  

"But I-" I began to protest, hating that expression on Izaya's face but I was cut off by the flea. 

"Shut up Shizu chan, I know your brain can't comprehend this all," Izaya insulted, that annoying smug look present in his features. His eyes started sparkling again as if teasing me really did give him life.

"I need a smoke," I mumbled, wanting to get rid of the tension I felt by filling my lungs with cancer. I knew Izaya being a slimy annoyance came with the package deal of dating. My brain had adapted well not to blow a fuse and strangle the life out of Izaya by now. 

I dug my hands in my pocket, in search of the reassuring feel of the cigarette box only to have Izaya slap my hand away from my pocket. 

I glowered at him, impatience creeping in from his moodiness all day but whatever sentence I was about to hurl at him went back down from his next sentence. 

"If you smoke, we can't kiss so don't Shizu chan," Izaya purred, his mood having taken a complete hundred and eighty degree turn. I honestly could not keep up with the guy.

"Don't want to, with you being so bratty," I responded, flushing red at his comment.

"Oh really?" Izaya grinned, and I had to gulp at the predatory expression lighting up Izaya's expression. 

Goosebumps erupted onto my flesh when Izaya lips were suddenly at my ear, his choking affect on me hadn't decreased and I froze on the couch, thoughts in a frenzy. A tingle of heat and spark of anticipation. 

"How about we feed the petty curiousity of my beloved humans who seem unsatisfied by us?" Izaya suggested, his breath barely above a whisper. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice straining and breaking a little causing an annoying smirk to dominate Izaya's expression as he pulled back. I knew I was resembling the colour of a tomato by now, my blond mop probably hilariously clashing with the colour of my skin. 

"I don't think they've seen us fighting or you chasing me in a while so chase me Shizu chan, like you have been all these years," Izaya answered, an embarrassing double meaning to his words.

He stood up and I watched him as he put on his shoes and jacket. I was puzzled, what the hell did he mean? He wanted us to revert back to that? 

"I don't get it?" I grumbled, confusion evident in my voice.

"I want an adrenaline rush, you want a release, let's play," Izaya explained simply, his lips curving as he stood at the door.

"I'm not going to fight you on the streets," I huffed, mystified and unable to keep up with the unpredictability that was Orihara Izaya. 

"But Shizu chan, I have a picture of you asleep on my shoulder that I might post above that picture on the page," Izaya baited, tone pleasant, as if he hadn't said something that had caused my eyes to widen in horror. 

"IIIIZZZAAAAYAAAAA," I roared, jerking to a stand, feeling a wave of exhilarating emotions go through me and I ran after the figure that was howling with laughter and skipping with annoying fluidity away from me, sparking my irritation further. However, I couldn't help the smile that twisted my face because I was enjoying the chase, the primal desire to capture the person that had captured my heart taking over me as every other worry was left behind me, along with that laptop that I had surely been on the verge of breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A transitioning chapter of sorts showing their relationship progress I guess. I've just had an urge to write another Shizaya fic in the midst of exams why am I like this?


	22. A Contact

"Wanna hit the bar since we're done for today Shizuo?" Tom san asked, lifting the full brief case in his hand to show his point. 

We were strolling down the street, the sky above us an array of lights within an early darkened expanse due to it being close to winter.

The cigarette in my mouth hung loosely at the question and it took me a moment to retrieve the lighter in my pocket and think of a response. I had told Izaya that I would go to his place after I had finished up with work and it was already later than I had expected it to be. 

"Sorry, I have some business in Shinjuku," I answered, cringing at the waver in my voice. No one really knew what Izaya and I were, therefore, it felt like a big secret. 

I could feel Tom cast me a curios look which had me inhaling the smoke of my cigarette in quick nervous bursts. 

"People have been telling me they've spotted you in Shinjuku a lot lately and I've barely seen you in the bars recently."

I breathed in the assurance of nicotine again, making sure not to stutter when I came out with half a truth.

"I've met someone," I replied vaguely, my eyes trained on the street ahead and the approaching bus stop. 

A breezy laughter beside me had me jerking my head to the left to look at Tom san. 

"You've finally got someone to hold onto, I almost feel proud. Who is it?" he spluttered between laughter and pushed a hand out to pat me on the back.

A blush worked it's way up my face. It was embarrassing, Tom had been around all these years to see my miserable dating failures. 

"Say Shizu chan if Tanaka Tom or anyone asked about what was going on with us, what would you say?"

I blinked at the memory of words suddenly at a loss again for an answer. I wasn't embarrassed of the flea and it worried me how bad it may be affecting Izaya at primarily me concealing the nature of our relationship, it was just difficult for me to accept even now, never mind announcing it to other people. 

"Shizuo..?"

"Izaya," I blurted without thinking, eyes straining to meet Tom's.

I had expected to see shock or disgust, something akin to a startled expression, instead of the knowing smirk plastered on the man's face.

"Oh so you two finally admitted it," he chuckled, standing before the bus stop. 

Now I was the one who was shocked, my mouth hung open widely, the cigarette falling to the ground, completely forgotten about and I could only stare at Tom san stupidely for a minute.

"Well you two have been obsessed with each other for years, it's not surprising, Simon and I even had a bet going for it. Anyway, congratulations and have a good night," Tom said, turning to walk away and leaving me to still stare with bewilderment at the retreated back of the dreadlocks of hair. At least the nervousness I had felt of such a confession had dissipated. 

I groaned to myself as I stepped onto the bus. Was I literally the last one to know?

______________

I knew something was amiss the moment my feet passed the threshold of the flea's apartment. With a blurry anxiety, I rapidly walked down the hall, eyes darting around the place looking for Izaya. I didn't know what was wrong, couldn't pinpoint the reason for the foreboding that had settled heavily in my stomach. Something in my gut was flashing a suffocating warning to my system.

I turned the corner to Izaya's sitting room, all the blood draining from my face at the sight of a man over Izaya's figure on the couch. The blood rushed back to my face, surging with a boiling rage that I felt would set something ablaze if I concentrated on it long enough, right now I was glaring this fire at the man, recognition coursing through me. That filthy fucking stalker. 

My hands were shaking with fury and gripped the back of his shoulder, digging in my nails and pushing him to the floor, away from fucking Izaya. I didn't look to Izaya, my focus set on the man on the floor who had started to scramble up it, mouth opening and closing around words that were shapeless and failed to form a frame because I wasn't listening. All I could see was the image of him over Izaya, his frame much larger, and then red. My vision was clouded with red, the hue distorting the world around me, I couldn't see clearly, couldn't feel the throb of my fists as they continued to rain down on the disgusting man that had dared to enter this apartment. I didn't even want to think about what was the purpose of the visit, any thoughts that could be strung together crushed by the anger within me. 

"Shizuo," came the familiar voice and it snapped me out of my near fit, the alien sound of my actual name coming from the man behind me was enough to be disconcerting and I lashed my body around to look at the flea, who had stood up and was approaching me slowly. My mind hazily established that he looked fine before I turned back around, ready to crush the stalker. 

"Stop it Shizu chan," the soft touch, the one I hated and loved at my back, so light that my body shouldn't even be able to register it. 

An urge to push away the hand before me rose up within me, to have the form of the flea fall away but that disturbing thought was finally the last straw to pull me back to reality and have me turn back to the hand that I had such violent thoughts about seconds ago and blink down concern at him. 

"Where did he touch you?" I growled down, my words grating, my two hands on his shoulder, grasping him tightly as if he was my lifeline. 

"Barely anywhere, just my neck I think, I'm fine, I was just asleep, I literally had my knife out to cut him when you entered Shizu chan, it's okay," Izaya said trying to loosen the grip I had him in. 

I made another unintelligible noise, something angry and worried, my hands moving away from his shoulders to move up to his neck, brushing over the sharp of his collarbones, I wanted to eradicate any trace of the stalker on his body, it was repulsive and I had no control over my actions anymore and I was a minute away from turning around and pounding the face of the already mangled body.

"I'm fine relax, we need to clean you up," Izaya protested, his darkened eyes shining seriousness for once and all of a sudden I dropped my hands, losing all contact with Izaya's touch. I became aware of what a monster I looked like, hands covered with the blood of another, face twisted, sweat pouring over my head, I also became aware of the stalker running out the door, steps disjointed and tripping behind us but I made no move to intervene, squashing down the bloodlust that was still pouring out of me. I knew Izaya could handle himself but that thing should never have touched him. 

"He needs to be wiped away from humanity," I said harshly, allowing Izaya to steer me towards the bathroom. My anger was calming down to a buzz and I thought the reason for that was Izaya's fingers on mine, somehow reassuring, somehow grounding, directing me. 

"I think he got the idea not to return this time Shizu chan, that's the worst I've seen someone look after you beat them up."

Oh yes I had forgotten, I was a monster, a beast, and all I could do was hurt others, barely able to protect the ones I cared about and now Izaya had seen me lose the ultimate control again. He had finally seen the view of my true nature in all it's disgusting glory. Was I that different to the stalker? Both of us could only hurt Izaya surely. 

I sat on the edge of the bathtub, expression slackening and feeling defeated. 

I watched as Izaya dampened a cloth at the sink, throat feeling constricted as if I couldn't get enough air down my trachea and I wanted to swallow the itchy, discomforting feeling away, to force away the emotions threatening to pool out in a display that I knew I wouldn't be proud of. 

Izaya turned back around to me, hunching down at my knees to be in level with my hands. I wanted to protest because surely the tiles were cold but the words couldn't find coherency, couldn't find shape to form the burst of sound at my mouth. 

When I did find my voice it was to say a dull, "Why?" And I flinched at the flat of my voice and tried to arrange my expression into one that didn't feel so vulnerable, I tried to force my lips to either twist into a curve or a grimace, anything from the giveaway flatline of my mouth but my efforts were futile, I was always helpless to the flea before me. 

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific then that, I can't translate from monster talk Shizu chan," said Izaya, dragging out his words to create a teasing affect. 

He tugged my left hand free from my lap, working to ease it from the tense fist it had formed, his hands brushed over the darkening bruise of my knuckle, glazing it with gentle fingers as if it were a delicate structure, one that didn't have the power to have grown men keeling over with pain. 

He straightened my fingers in his hand, and grasped onto my hand as if to stop the shaking tremors that had started, he didn't stop to question the trembling of my fingers, probably placing the blame on a pain that my nerves could barely feel, only a tingle tickled my senses at the contact of the warm touch

"Why do you even stick around me? I'm the monster that you always blame me to be, barely better than that stalker. What is your obsession with monsters?" I managed to growl out, refusing to meet the eyes that were looking at me with surprise, I let my vision cloud, to an unfocused blur as I looked unseeingly at Izaya's face. I could make out the crease of a slight frown, his eye brows dipping, his mouth pulling down, in my periphery. 

"What's this all of a sudden?" came the demand, lacking any real bite as it faded into a sigh.

I could feel his hands move then, feel the damp cloth running against my skin to clear the red residue of blood that had tarnished my calloused hand. The softness of the motion made my heart thud a little too hard against my ribcage. 

"You never gave me a reason for wanting this, leave while you can," I replied, in a low voice, agitation lacing the syllables. 

I didn't know why I was drowning in self loathing all of a sudden, it was an idea, a notion operating blindly on the fear of Izaya deserving better. He didn't need terrorizing monsters all his life, he was a fucking disgusting flea that I shouldn't care about but I did and the pain of such a fact ached. 

Izaya looked back up to meet my expression and a desire to push away the locks of hair that clung to his forehead was strong but I suppressed the urge and curled my fingers in on themselves again. 

"Shizu chan, do you want me to spell it out for you? I've liked you since high school," he reached out for my other hand but I was too shocked from this revelation, breaking the surface from my self hatred for a minute to blink down hard at Izaya and his care of my hands. 

"What?" I asked, the word sounding close to panic. He had liked me since high school? That was years ago? Was this not a recent development? How could I have not caught on? I mean I was sure I was unconsciously attracted to Izaya back then and the people in our lives always said we had an odd obsession with each other that I had always chosen to disregard, not knowing it would transition to such a feeling. 

Izaya stood up from his kneeling position to tower over me and my line of vision followed this movement, still confused.

"I had a thing for you the moment my veins started racing with adrenaline from the sight of you," Izaya informed me, voice devoid of any nervousness, as if it were a fact and I supposed it was. 

"But I-I'm not," I spluttered, chest tightening with emotions that I couldn't even begin to fathom.

"I have to love all humans equally but I guess I could make an exception for a monster," Izaya lilted, curving his grin widely as if the past moment with his stalker hadn't taken place, as if my morbid questioning hadn't occurred. 

I breathed in through the tension to offer Izaya a small smile that I knew was in more so the shape of a scowl than a gracious smile. 

"I have the urge to suck you off right now Shizu chan," said Izaya innocently, expression straight besides the twitching of his lips and I ogled up at him, red spreading all across my cheeks.

"Izaya," I whined breathlessly but he just laughed airily, skipping forth a step, leaning in to plant a chaste kiss on my forehead. And although it was a brief contact, the warmth, the tenderness held the power to knock the air from my lungs, to have the blush spread further down my neck and cause the worry I had felt to disperse away, chased by a bubbly happiness.

"C'mere," I hummed, as I slid off the edge of the tub onto the floor and pulled Izaya's hand to have him crash onto my lap. 

I easily arranged his position to a more comfortable one, with this contact I realised Izaya wasn't so calm and composed from the incident as I had initially thought he was, he was shaking slightly and his smile of assurance had been straining. 

"What are you doing Shizu chan?" Izaya asked breathlessy. I supposed we had never been this affectionate, well I had never been this affectionate and Izaya was afraid. Had anyone ever even embraced him tenderly like this? My expression dissolved into something softer and something more aware. I wouldn't treat him like he had been in the past.

"Holding you," I whispered, breathing into his hair. I stroked the soft skin of his neck and enjoyed the responding spasm of reaction. My fears had dulled away and adrenaline was still burning under my skin, to coil heat to my gut. 

"Can I try something?" I asked, quietly. I felt a little drugged, like if I spoke too loudly the spell we were under would break.

"What?" Izaya questioned, tilting his head back to focus the brilliance of his eyes on me. The mask was trying to hide his uncertainty again. For all his confessions and bravado, he was also afraid of closeness. It made me feel a little more confident. 

In response, I ran my hand down Izaya's stomach and rested my palm to the front of his trousers. I looked at him steadily, he looked staggered, stuck on a small pause of confusion. I wanted to take this next step. I wanted to give him my everything.  I let my hand slip past the tension of his stomach and inside Izaya's boxers and took a grip of him. This couldn't be so different to jerking off, I was still bewildered by the fact that Izaya was a guy but my body conformed to this as if it was natural. 

Izaya was hot and throbbing beneath my touch and my fingers briefly ached in pain from the pressure but the stuttering, helpless breathing I got in response was worth it. This represented us, as I pressed my bruised thumb over his sensitive head, as I felt the hurt of my fingers and looped my other hand around Izaya's waist and tugged him closer.

"Shizuo," Izaya whimpered, his eyes hazy and expression completely debauched. A rush of arousal hit me at that tone of voice and heat curled in my stomach as Izaya groaned softly and clung his pale fingers to the material of my shirt. I found myself fixating on those delicate, undamaged fingers, as they gripped my shirt tighter with desperation.

"I thought-I thought you weren't ready-" A choked moan as I curled my fingers around the hilt of his cock and slowly brushed up. 

I watched all of Izaya closely, feeling the adoration I felt for this nuisance pool out to the very tips of my fingers where Izaya flushed bigger. I didn't know why I had held out for so long. When this beautiful creature was on my lap, legs spread for me. How could I have ever hesitated?

Izaya was shaking, I could feel his thighs trembling and I couldn't stop myself from thrusting upward to the heat of his clothed ass, just to feel a little friction to ease the ache of arousal, hardened and seeking Izaya. 

Izaya keened and buried his face to my neck, breathing roughly against my ear, as I worked him up and down closer to the edge. He was particularly reactive when I rubbed small circles to his tip. What was he doing to me?

"No smart comments out of that pretty mouth now," I huffed out, smirking to myself slightly. 

"I'm still hnn probably smarter than you in-this mindset," Izaya gasped and languidly licked his tongue down the column of my neck, eliciting a shiver for me. 

I was panting through the surge of heat and want, this was too much and too little at the same time. I squeezed Izaya's dick slightly and pumped him faster. My other hand traced up his quivering back to the soft of his hair and grasped the raven locks to pull him back, I took a moment to look at the red of his cheeks and the dark pupil of his eyes, before want was causing me to crash our lips together and snap my hips up into Izaya. Had anyone touched him to pleasure him properly? I didn't want to imagine Izaya and the stalker. I wanted Izaya to come harder than he'd ever across my hands, to wash evidence of us upon my bruised fingers. I dragged my hand up his length with that intention. Izaya jerked and spilled into my hand, rocking his hips into my hand as he moaned through his orgasm with a whispered "Shizu chan," that almost made me lose control and made me want to push Izaya down and take him there, right on the cold, hard bathroom floor. 

I retracted my hand from inside Izaya's boxers. Heavy breathing filled the bathroom but the world still stayed blurred away to only us.  
Izaya opened his eyes to stare shock at me and I blushed and groaned quietly, beyond turned on. The soft of his mouth was so enticing, wet and plump and I ducked in again to capture those lips and suck gently, to forget my self consciousness and apprehension to the situation and feel the heat of arousal firing my veins.

My breathing hitched as those untarnished, slender fingers palmed my clothed erection and I came with a few simple tugs, over my clothing, I was that worked up, coiled like a tight spring over Izaya's display. 

I felt my bones become liquid and gathered Izaya closer into my arms. To pacify the monster inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, pre epilogue chapter. I have not posted the epilogue chapter on my wattpad where I originally started the story last June. I get so bittersweet about finishing it and it took me six months then to write 1700+ words for the epilogue because I didn't want to finish it but prior to that the rest of the story had only taken me a month to write :') so expect the last update late. I still have to edit it thoroughly and add up a few scenes hopefully it'll reach 2500 words then. For now enjoy this 3200+ words, I hadn't added the ending smut in the original but it just wrote itself when I was revising this chapter oops


	23. A Chain

"Oh we're going to be late for the sale Walker," Erica panicked, speeding up her movements.

"We should bum a ride off Togusa," Walker suggested, a step behind Erica and feeling the frantic tension of possibly missing the sale of light novels consume him.

"What Erika-" Walker whined when he ran into an immobile Erika who had halted abruptly in front of a cafe window. 

"Is that Iza Iza with Shizuo?"  Erika whispered, afraid to raise her voice, as if an octave louder would disturb the scene before her. 

Izaya and Shizuo were sitting opposite each other, hands cupped around steaming cups of coffee.  Erika watched with amazement as Shizuo's lips tilted up softly in a smile. She stepped closer to the window on reflex. Shizuo got up to seemingly retreat to the bathroom and even a sale couldn't stop Erika from continuously fixating on the scene. 

"Erika, we gotta go," Walker urged, jabbing his friend on the side but Erika just shrugged him off.

Izaya's hand reached out to the basket in the middle of the table, fishing out a sachet of salt and emptying the contents of it into Shizuo's coffee.

"Oh here it goes Walker," Erika said, feeling anticipated. 

Shizuo returned, finding nothing amiss and seated himself back down. Izaya flashed him an innocent smirk and that must've done it for Shizuo because his eyes narrowed and he lifted his cup and tentatively took a sip.

"He's going to kill him Walker," Erika informed her unenthused friend.  

Shizuo scowled, pushing the cup aside and said something that must've been a reprimand. His hand darted out to steal Izaya's cup under him and he took a big gulp while Izaya shot him an indignant look. Erika was flabbergasted as she watched the duo finish the cup between themselves, taking sips and exchanging smiles in a tranquil environment without any toxic anger or violence. Even Izaya supported a genuine look of contentment on his face. 

"Oh Walker this is better than any BL I have ever read."

________________

I latched onto the warmth that had tried to evade me a few seconds ago, grabbing blindly to the reassuring softness. It squirmed and wriggled but I fit it back against my chest, over the spot that wasn't accustomed to being exposed to sudden emptiness. 

"Shizu chan," came a muffled whine and I peeled my eyes open to blink sleep at Izaya against me. 

"Stop moving," I grunted, readjusting my grip to be less vice like, even in my sleep induced state, I reached out for Izaya. I was definitely a goner. 

"Come on you protozoan, let go, we have dinner at Shinra's today," Izaya dug his elbow into my stomach, hit his hip against mine to no avail. I became very aware that I was clutching a very naked Izaya against my very naked torso. My mind short circuited like a fuse and last night's events caught up with me. Izaya's pale, porcelain skin soft against my hands, Izaya writhing beneath me, face twisted in pleasure... My face heated up immediately. 

"Just because you finally got some dick doesn't mean you have to restrain me to the bed," Izaya complained.

I loosened my hold completely, averting my gaze and stretching my stiffened arms. 

Izaya looked at me, eyes all intensity and smirk all razor sharp, "Ne Shizu-chan you're pretty red in the face there," he moved his face to mine and let his lips brush across my cheek, over my nose and end at my left cheek, as if he was following the lines of my blush. It was an oddly affectionate gesture. 

"Just warm shitty flea," I mumbled, melting against the touch. Contact with Izaya used to trigger a fight or flight instinct within me, it used to make me conflicted, disguested in myself, hesitant but now I accept every touch as if Izaya was water and I was a man stuck in a desert, deprived of such a luxury. 

"Shizu-chan was so sweet wouldn't move inside me for ten straight minutes, afraid to hurt me, adorable," Izaya said, a bite of teasing in his words.

I pulled away from him, indignant and embarrassed, "Izaya!" I squeaked, yes actually squeaked and shoved him off the bed, to fall to the floor.

Izaya was rolling around the floor, shaking with laughter like some manic child and all I could manage was an angry, "Don't shamelessly discuss that."

"Shi-Shizu-chan-" Izaya erupted into another chain of laughter, looking up to my mortified face, "Don't push me onto the floor, I'm still sore from your monster of a-"

This time it wasn't laughter that cut him off but me tackling him to the floor. 

_________________

Shinra found it odd when his carefully chosen invites for Shizuo and Izaya to dinner began to take place at the same time. Shinra had been cautious to invite each on separate days but somehow along the way, the two began to come together. 

Shinra could hardly believe it, seeing the both act so familiar to one another. He had theorised for years that both of his friends could learn to get along but never to this extent. 

It was also amusing how Shizuo managed to always somehow be touching Izaya or how Izaya submitted to this casual care. They weren't even aware of what it looked like to the outside, lost in the process of each other. 

It was a huge step for Izaya Shinra supposed, in all his years, he had seen the man shy away from affection, conditioning his mind to only love a whole population and isolating himself from everyone. 

"Celty my darling, we have competition," Shinra nearly sang and let his smile grow wider when three pairs of inquisitive eyes stared at him for his statement, around the diner table. 

_________________

"You are happy senpai," Vorona stated, Tom followed her line of vision to the addressed man himself and it was true, for some time now Shizuo's been appearing more happy, practically glowing. The weight that used to hunch his shoulders had eased to non-existence lately. He even seemed to have more control on his anger and less inclined to get into worthless fights.

Tom couldn't help but want to tease his kohai, as a feeling of pride spread through him.

"Izaya treating you right I take it?" he questioned and chuckled as Shizuo's face burned and he spluttered words, while Vorona merely tilt her head in confusion, nothing changing on her impassive face. 

__________________

"You're less evil lately," Namie observed dryly, fingers gliding across the keyboard but attention on her boss.

"You wound me Namie, I have always been a kind and caring individual," Izaya sighed dramatically, slouching back on his seat. 

"No I'm sure the change has nothing to do with your love for vending machine throwing monsters and office table destroyers but I'm not sure which one of you managed to destroy the table here," Namie smiled coyly.

She felt a deep satisfaction because never, in all her time working with him has Namie been able to achieve rendering the great Orihara Izaya speechless.

___________________

Snow swirled in patterns above our heads as we exited Shinra's building. My gaze settled towards Izaya beside me, snow circled over him, leaving damp on his face and whiteness in the ink of his hair. It was as if an invisible chain always linked me to him, to make me have the urge to always look for him. My heart stuttered a bit upon realizing his resemblance to an angel, the redness of his iris'contradicting that but all other features confirming that, it made him beautiful. I watched with fascination as he breathed out visible cold air and I snapped myself out of the reverie of staring though I'm certain Izaya would be wise to it. 

"I think Shinra knew something was between us," I grumbled, feeling disgruntled at the knowing eyes that watched us all of our now regulated dinners and the taunts that came from our sharp friend. 

Izaya laughed breezily, a genuine laugh, stripped of the malicious elements, I could identify real and masked laughs easily now over the past months, something I prided myself in. 

"Please Shinra knew even before I did, back in high school, he'd always make remarks towards me," Izaya revealed, zipping up his signature fur coat jacket, my body possessed a naturally high temperature so I couldn't feel exactly how cold it was but the way Izaya shivered slightly gave an indication that winter was in full swing. 

"For fucks sake I hate his perceptiveness," I groaned, taking a grip of Izaya's ice cold hand and wrapping it in my warmer one. 

Izaya's steps faltered, something I wouldn't have been aware of if I wasn't so attuned to his reactions and continued his walking. It was always like this. He'd be cocky, easily taking joy in my embarrassment but the minute I did something affectionate, he would panic. He didn't realise I was aware of this, it concerned me maybe he was afraid of being close, emotionally close, maybe he wasn't used to people caring. It made me want to shower him in adoration. 

"Shizu-chan, say let's get ice cream at that stall," Izaya suggested, a slight skip to his steps.

"Shitty flea ice cream in the winter, are you crazy?" I asked, tugging Izaya away from the stall.

"But I always eat ice cream in the cold," Izaya pouted, not moving his sight from the ice cream stall. 

"I bet you drink copious amounts of that bitter coffee in the summer too," I said in amusement.

"Coffee is an all season thing but I guess so, come on, you can have the sweetest flavour."

"Fine," I complied, letting Izaya lead me to the stall. Izaya had always been a little childish but around each other we both became quite child like, our lives were weaved together since youth and it was as if we brought the kid in each other out.

"I frickin' love you," Izaya said carelessly, almost running excitedly towards the stall.

I followed in a daze, heart contracting at the empty words. 

I silently took the ice cream that Izaya offered and we continued our walk. 

"What's wrong Shizu chan?" Izaya asked, pink tongue darting out to lick his ice cream. 

I shifted my vision to look at the dull sky. 

"Say Izaya are you ever going to seriously say it? You treat this relationship as a ticking time bomb sometimes," I said quietly, maybe letting a bitter smile take over my face.  

"Say what?" he questioned but I knew he knew what I meant. He always knew what I was trying to convey even though he said I was unpredictable to him.

"The I love you," I answered, breathing quickly, heart racing. I needed a damn cigarette. To shove these emotions away with a shroud of nicotine to my lungs, to do something other than to clench my fists and stop the flow of emotions that always decided to surge through me in relation to Izaya. It was annoying, how I always felt things with much more intensity than normal people, I had always thought it was just in regard to anger but when I fell, I fell hard, point blank to devastatingly strong emotions.

"Maybe because it is a time bomb, ready to explode. Say how long are you going to stay Shizu chan?" Izaya asked, his ice cream was leaking down the cone, dripping past his fingers and he made no move to stop the motion. He just stared expressionless at something of unimportance ahead.

I despised when he got like this, when he became doubtful. I knew his mind, the way he processed things much quicker and with different meanings, the ways he viewed the world, his musings, his contemplation and the low he hit sometimes but I liked having the constant of Izaya's confidence in my life, when that variable changed to doubt, I hated how his smirk thinned out to a line. 

I stopped walking and Izaya's steps ceased too. He was looking at me but I couldn't return the gaze, I was just overwhelmed.

With short jerky movements I was in front of him, my hand darted out to take a hold of the mess the cone had become in Izaya's hand to prevent it from falling but to also clutch Izaya's hand, to feel reassurance even past the sticky barrier of ice cream. 

"I love you. Is that not evident to you?" I said in a clearest tone I could manage, even if my voice did tremble a little. I locked my eyes to his, which were blown wide open with shock, as if this was some sort of big revelation. Could he not tell my feelings?  He knew me the best besides Kasuka but perhaps his inner hatred and lack of people in his life prevented him from seeing, from putting a label to my obvious actions.

Izaya looked at a loss for words, his eyebrows knit together, and I could physically see his eyes calculating the way in which to respond.  
"But I, you won't-" 

Before he could spurt nonsense, I was tugging him towards me, with the hand that I still had clasped in the mess. I pulled his body flush against mine and swooped down to catch those plush lips to mine. 

Izaya made some sort of a noise but I couldn't parse out the meaning to his sound, instead I took opportunity to his mouth opening on the sound and slid my tongue into his mouth, dragging lazily into the soft warmth of his mouth. Izaya shuddered delicately against me which spurred me to loop my other hand behind his back and drag him impossibly closer. The soft gasps and his mouth working with fervor against mine was driving me insane. I was desperate for Izaya. 

I pulled back slightly, retracting my arm around him and leaned my forehead against his.

"We're not going to your place. My place is closer. We're going there now till I have you reassured and breathless," I growled, my body was aching with want and emotion. 

Izaya exhaled quickly and opened his eyes, I could finally see the mirth in his eyes and the tight feeling in my chest was gone.

"How about if you want the confirmation to your little confession, you catch me first Shizu chan."  
Before I could process the words, Izaya was twisting his body away from mine, ducking out of my hold to run with speed away from me, to leave me half hard with the dripping remnants of the disgusting ice cream in my hand.

"IZAAAAAAYYAAAAAA GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" I roared but I was also grinning at the answering skid of high laughter I got in response. I launched myself after him, happy to chase him because an invisible chain always connected me right back to him. Whether we were linked by this chain due to being outliers of society or fate or simply our own doing, I didn't care to know, I just knew that once I caught up to him, he was mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I simply didn't want to part with this and I'm always incapable of ending things(can't watch the last four eps of fmab because I don't want it to end). This is an epilogue of some sorts, with snippets of their lives afterwards I hope it was worthy. I know this isn't a good fic but it was an experiment for me, the start of fanfiction writing therefore, I hope you enoyed. I'll probably return to writing for this ship again in the summer once my stressful exams are over otherwise I'm always lurking on this ship and reading every fanfiction under this tag anyway:') So farewell and until next time, thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hellloooo readers! So this is a personal writing experience experiment more so than actually trying to write a full blown story, I guess I'm not making sense:') I just went with the flow last summer and wrote this self indulging Shizaya fic because I'm in love with this pairing and I just love them together so much. It's a light read and I guess my lack of writing ability shows but this really helped me and I enjoyed writing this so I'm going to post it as my first fic and learn form it:)


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